A second mortgage is NOT free money!

It may seem to be a bit of over-reacting to start a Pit-rant over a couple of commercials, but since it’s my first such rant, I thought I’d start slow. Besides, my wife is probably tired of hearing me complain about it.

For a while, Bank One has been running regular commercials both on radio and television. On the radio commercial, a very enthusiastic announcer wonders how excited you would be if you heard your spouse say “Honey, Bank One just called. They found sixty seven thousand dollars hidden in our home!” They then go on to describe all the wonderful things that you could do with a home equity loan from them and talk about how there’s approximately six hundred quadrillion dollars “locked up” in homes across the country, and why, for the sake of all that’s holy, we are so incredibly stupid that we’re letting all of that free money sit there!* And in case it’s not irritating enough yet, they repeat the stupid “Honey, Bank One just called. They found sixty seven thousand dollars hidden in our home!” statement three times during the commercial just to make sure that we understand that there’s all this money just lying around waiting for us to pick up.

On the television commercial, they wax eloquant about how this home pays for it’s own repairs, and this home pays for college for the kids, all the while saying that all you have to do is “unlock the money”. As if it’s in a locked box somewhere in the back yard and all you have to do is unlock it with their help.

Why do these commercials bother me so much? Partly due to sheer repetition. Bank One is a major sponsor of the Diamondbacks, so I see or hear the commercial at least a half-dozen times during each game. So what is a minor annoyance to start with begins to build with each sickening repetition of their urging that I “unlock the money” to the point that I feel the need to start my first Pit thread. The original minor annoyance is due to the underlying message that any pottential loan that I have not taken from them is just foolishness on my part. See, cause it’s free money! Where will it end? It used to be that a second mortgage (which they never call it anymore) was serious business. Not these days! Soon, their adds will urge you to get all that hidden money in your paid off car, investments, or heirloom jewlery (What? You haven’t used your Great Grandmother’s wedding ring for collateral on a loan? What’s wrong with you?).

So, to the ad-agency or Bank One executive that dreamed this one up, listen carefully you smarmy, parasitic, ill-begotten issue of a washed up succubus and a deseased sewer-rat: ** A second mortgage is not free money!** You found nothing. The equity in our home is due to money that we earned and every bit that it grows means that we are that much closer to ridding ourselves of you and your ilk.**

“Unlock the money” :rolleyes: Shylock would be proud.
*some exageration done to illustrate the tone taken in the commercial.
**No offense is meant to any bankers who are not grasping, scheming, condescending schmucks. No bankers were hurt in the making of this rant.

And then they run out and get Congress to tighten the bankruptcy laws.

You mean that I can get free money? Where do I sign up!

Those damn freeloaders and their credit cards and second mortgages putting the poor banks out of business. Why, I never. That was sarcasm.

(tangent) As they cut transfers to the provinces, cut back bursaries and cough privatize loans out to the big banks, the Canadian government has recently made students the only class of people in the country who are forbidden to declare bankruptcy. Yes, for getting an education.

Linus Van Pelt, you wouldn’t mind if I put this on my Coolest Quotes Ever thread, would you?

… “Unlock the money.” Heh. I must be a truly simple creature to find that supremely amusing.

kabbes, weren’t you paying attention? Call Bank One! They can sign you up for a Second Mor… I mean Home Equity Loan. Because if you aren’t in debt up to your eyeballs, you’re missing out on all of the money hidden in your home! Shame, shame on you.

Liften, be my guest.

My first request to be quoted (blush). I feel like a real Doper now.

I do have to admit, that as horrible as second mortgages are for people who can’t afford them, for me they are wonderful.

I just moved my husband’s student loans to our home equity line of credit…saved 2 interest points, tax deductible and will pay it off now in six month instead of six years (it was always a pain to pay more on the student loan - the home equity line of credit gets paid off with a web transfer).

Now, on the other hand, my financially inept brother in law paid off his credit cards with one of those 110% second mortgages - and then needed to sell the house. By the time they paid the real estate commission and two mortgages, there was no way they weren’t losing money. Did they learn a lesson? Nope, they are currently living off the fact that there is a real estate bubble and they can mortgage their home for more than they paid for it.

But it is free money!

I just took our a second mortgage last week, all I need to do is convince the bank that I’m staying on this pathetic human planet for 2 more weeks!

Then we will return to Alpha Centari and revitalize our economy with the 67,000$ we borrowed!


You earthlings will never collect on our loan we will be beyond your pathetic reaches!

matt_mcl there is actually a good reason for not allowing students to declare bankruptcy. My friend’s father (an asshole, I must admit) declared bankruptcy the day after getting his MD. This allowed him to default on over well over $100,000 in guaranteed student loans. Thus essentially stealing money from the government.

Then he set up his own practice and divorced his wife of 20 years (who, by the way, helped pay for his education too). I told you the guy is a prick.

I could have sworn that declaring bankruptcy=A BAD THING.

As for the students, my concern would be with those who are HONESTLY bankrupt rather than those who are the pricks.