It may seem to be a bit of over-reacting to start a Pit-rant over a couple of commercials, but since it’s my first such rant, I thought I’d start slow. Besides, my wife is probably tired of hearing me complain about it.
For a while, Bank One has been running regular commercials both on radio and television. On the radio commercial, a very enthusiastic announcer wonders how excited you would be if you heard your spouse say “Honey, Bank One just called. They found sixty seven thousand dollars hidden in our home!” They then go on to describe all the wonderful things that you could do with a home equity loan from them and talk about how there’s approximately six hundred quadrillion dollars “locked up” in homes across the country, and why, for the sake of all that’s holy, we are so incredibly stupid that we’re letting all of that free money sit there!* And in case it’s not irritating enough yet, they repeat the stupid “Honey, Bank One just called. They found sixty seven thousand dollars hidden in our home!” statement three times during the commercial just to make sure that we understand that there’s all this money just lying around waiting for us to pick up.
On the television commercial, they wax eloquant about how this home pays for it’s own repairs, and this home pays for college for the kids, all the while saying that all you have to do is “unlock the money”. As if it’s in a locked box somewhere in the back yard and all you have to do is unlock it with their help.
Why do these commercials bother me so much? Partly due to sheer repetition. Bank One is a major sponsor of the Diamondbacks, so I see or hear the commercial at least a half-dozen times during each game. So what is a minor annoyance to start with begins to build with each sickening repetition of their urging that I “unlock the money” to the point that I feel the need to start my first Pit thread. The original minor annoyance is due to the underlying message that any pottential loan that I have not taken from them is just foolishness on my part. See, cause it’s free money! Where will it end? It used to be that a second mortgage (which they never call it anymore) was serious business. Not these days! Soon, their adds will urge you to get all that hidden money in your paid off car, investments, or heirloom jewlery (What? You haven’t used your Great Grandmother’s wedding ring for collateral on a loan? What’s wrong with you?).
So, to the ad-agency or Bank One executive that dreamed this one up, listen carefully you smarmy, parasitic, ill-begotten issue of a washed up succubus and a deseased sewer-rat: ** A second mortgage is not free money!** You found nothing. The equity in our home is due to money that we earned and every bit that it grows means that we are that much closer to ridding ourselves of you and your ilk.**
“Unlock the money” :rolleyes: Shylock would be proud.
*some exageration done to illustrate the tone taken in the commercial.
**No offense is meant to any bankers who are not grasping, scheming, condescending schmucks. No bankers were hurt in the making of this rant.