I wrote this short story a few years ago when my (then)wife and I were having marital problems. We’ve since split up over a year ago. Just thought I would share it here with my new online family/friends.
One Man, One Chance
By
Dante G
The steam enveloped the bathroom like a sauna. Jake Kolwan stepped out of the shower into the warm dampness of the humid air, reaching his arm out to grasp the towel on the rack. He began to dry himself as he had any other time, but he soon found himself studying the contours of his arm as it flexed with each movement. Stretching downward to dry his leg, he arched his foot onto his tiptoes and noticed his calf muscles show their subtle definition. As he looked over his body, he noticed that it had been months, maybe years, since he had really studied himself physically. He wasn’t really one for self inspection on a regular basis, but for some reason, today made him take notice. What he saw gave him pause and soon a feeling of quiet sadness.
He was no longer the man he had been years ago. He had let himself go. As this truth hit home, his mind trailed to Marissa, his wife of ten years. Had she noticed this negative transformation? Why hadn’t she said anything about it? Did she not care? Maybe her feelings towards him had never been hung up on physical traits. This was true, he realized. She had never been one to dip into the shallow pools of looks and physique. She was a deeper person than that, loving for the mind and the heart, but still, Jake felt a sense of remorse as he finished toweling off and sliding on the pair of boxers he had laid on the vanity.
He stepped around to the sink and leaned over it, hands grasping the edge of it as he looked into the mirror. It was fogged over from the steam of the shower. He gazed intently at himself, struggling to see a focused reflection looking back at him, but the tiny drops of moisture were obscuring it too much. He turned to reach back for the towel and began to wipe the mirror clean just as Marissa walked into the bathroom. She barely acknowledged him as she walked behind him carrying some clean wash cloths and towels. He watched as she reached up to the upper shelves of the small closet tucked away in the corner and placed the fresh bath cloths in their respective places. She turned around and noticed that he was staring at her.
“What’s that look for?” she asked, with just a hint of weariness masked by a smile.
He ignored the unease of her comment and asked, “Have I … Have I let myself go?”
“What do you mean?”
“Let myself go, you know, have I lost my body. I mean, I used to have some nice muscle tone back in the day. Remember?”
He somewhat playfully posed and flexed while waiting for her answer.
“Yes, I do remember," she replied with a stern tone, almost bitter. "But I also remember me telling you many times that marriage does that to couples and that I didn’t care what you looked like, as long as you took care of me and loved me the way a husband is supposed to.”
Suddenly it got serious. Those last words and the way she said them, they hung in the air like the steam that still shrouded over the small bathroom. His mind began to race. Where in the world had that come from? He certainly wasn’t expecting it and certainly wasn’t expecting that tone, that underlying punch. What he had expected to be a simple little conversation had now turned into a revelation. With just that small statement, Marissa had made him realize that he wasn’t the man he used to be. Not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually. He had changed and for years he had convinced himself that everything was fine. He never had reason to believe anything different. They were still married. They had no real big issues, none bigger than other couples, he thought. But maybe it was all just an illusion he built up in his mind. Maybe his optimistic outlook on life had created the world of puppy dogs and rainbows that Marissa always joked that he lived in. Whatever it was, it made his heart crack. His wife wasn’t happy. The woman he loved, whom he had swore to love and honor forever, wasn’t happy. Sure she wasn’t sad and depressed, but she also wasn’t genuinely happy in her life either. What had he done over the years to change her feelings?
Before he could think any more on it, she had turned away from him and walked out of the room. He looked up into the mirror as she walked away and for a brief moment he thought he still saw her reflection in the mirror and she was smiling at him. A genuine, loving smile he hadn’t seen in a while. He blinked hard and looked again and saw her reflection through the smudges left by the toweling of the mirror earlier. The reflected image of her had just now turned and left the room and was out of sight. He blinked again and looked down the hallway as she had already entered the bedroom.
“What the hell?” he whispered to himself, as he wiped away the rest of the fog smeared on the mirror.
Throughout the rest of the day, Jake went about his life as usual. Driving to work, he found himself talking aloud in his car. Trying to decipher all that had happened earlier that morning. He recalled leaving the bathroom and seeing his wife walk away from the bedroom and retreat to the downstairs. He could feel an aura about her that said, Don’t get into this right now. Taking it as a sign, he had let it go and went about his way. Now, in his car, he still wondered what had he done to change things and more importantly, what did he need to do to improve it? He kept thinking back to the incident with the mirror and his wife’s reflection. That smile on her face. It was so calm and so natural. It was a smile that spoke of love and comfort. Of peace. It was one of euphoria and sincere contentment.
He hadn’t seen that smile on her face in a long time and he knew he wanted that smile back.
Later on that day, he had taken a moment to retreat to the men’s room at the office. After relieving himself, he had walked to the sink and began to wash his hands. He glanced into the mirror and looked at his reflection. He looked old. Not old like his retired 60 year old father, but older than he really was. He didn’t appear 35. He looked stressed and he looked aged. He reached up and felt the skin on his face. It was dry and dull like the classic manila construction paper used in elementary school art projects. There was very little going on there, no life. He turned his head to look at the other side of his face. Just then, the door opened and in the reflection he saw one of his co-workers, Brad, come in. They made eye contact through the reflected image of the glass and Brad made his way over to one of the urinals.
“Face it, Jake, the job is dragging all of us down. Not just you,” Brad remarked with a chuckle.
“Yeah, you can say that again,” Jake replied as he turned away from his reflection and grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser. He dried his hands and barely turned back as he exited saying, “Seeya, Brad.”
For the last few hours of his workday, Jake was in another world. Calls would come in and he would take them, but he wasn’t really there. He was stuck in his head. He was reflecting in his mind. Contemplating. Planning. Praying. He knew what he had to do, but how to go about it was the one thing that baffled him.
The end of his day came and he drove home. He doesn’t even recall the drive. He just knows that he is now in the driveway and turning off his engine. His mind has been working so much that his remaining functions were on auto pilot. He got out of the car and as he stepped up to the door and took out his keys, he had an overwhelming feeling that something was about to happen that would be the beginning of a change in his life. He didn’t know what, but he knew it was coming. The only solace that he took as he opened the door was the lack of fear in him. Whatever was going to happen, he did not dread it, however, he welcomed it.
The smell of dinner cooking in the kitchen wafted through the open door as Jake stepped inside his house. It was very welcoming, almost making him forget that things weren’t totally well in his marriage right now. He placed his keys on the rack that hung by the front door and walked into the kitchen. Marissa had her back to him and rather than try to share a moment with her, knowing that she wouldn’t respond in kind, he decided instead to sit at the table.
“What a day,” he sighed, as he sat down. “How was your day, Mar?”
“Fine,” came her casual reply.
Already the tension was thick. He could feel it. He decided not to beat around the bush any longer and he began his unplanned speech carefully. He breathed deep as he looked at the back of her head and then he began to speak.
“Look, I know that you and I are not on the same level right now. I got that this morning in the bathroom. I’m not sure exactly where I went wrong, but I know that if I just take a little time and think about it, I’ll figure it out.”
Her head fell forward slightly before she responded, “Jake, it’s not one thing in particular that you did wrong. It’s just … well, we’ve changed. You’ve changed. I used to feel so loved by you, so at ease with my feelings towards you. But lately, it’s like, I don’t know … I feel like I can’t talk to you sometimes because you may take it way to personally and get all crazy. You didn’t used to be that way. Not in the beginning.”
He watched her head as she spoke to him, her face never seeing his. When she stopped, she turned to him and the look on her face was one he couldn’t look at for long. Her beautiful hazel eyes, now glimmered slightly with tears. He turned away slightly, his heart breaking at that look on her face.
“I’m sorry, Marissa,” he said calmly. “Really I am … and I know that ‘sorry’ is just a word, especially if it gets thrown around so many times. It can lose it’s meaning, but believe me, I do feel it.” He paused slightly, thinking, then looked back at her. “You know what, maybe I have changed a bit lately, but I can honestly say that I had no idea it was hurting you so much. I mean, it’s not like you ever said anything about it before.”
“I never wanted to have to say anything, Jake,” she said with a firm tone, much like she had in her voice earlier in the bathroom. “I wanted you to be able to realize it on your own. Come on now, you’re a smart man. If I have to tell you that there is a problem with us and point out the faults, it kind of makes it look worse for you for not noticing it in the first place.” She turned away slightly, her bottom lip trembling, “I didn’t want to have to point this out to you. I’d hoped you’d notice it sooner and change things on your own.”
“Well, I’m noticing it now and I have every intention of changing things,” he replied as he stood up and began to loosen his shirt and tie.
“Words, Jake. Those are just words.”
“Don’t worry,” he said as he walked out of the kitchen. “I’m gonna fix this. Things are going to change soon enough … change for the better.”
He walked away from her and proceeded down the hallway and into the bathroom. He turned on the light and looked down at the sink, breathing deeply, trying to collect himself. He looked slowly up towards the mirror and then stared at his reflection. What he saw looking back was not himself. It was his reflection, but not the same image he expected to see. The twin Jake in the mirror was leaning in like the real Jake, but was instead clean shaven, younger looking. He even had a small confident grin on his face. His eyes looked bright and cheery. Jake was shocked to see this image of a younger, youthful looking self and then he saw his wife appear alongside his reflection and lean in and kiss his reflected cheek. He didn’t feel a kiss, however, and he turned quickly and saw no one there. Not his wife, not anyone. Yet in the mirror, she was there, her arm around his belly, head cocked, resting on his arm, smiling contently. Jake shut off the light and backed away, confused and a bit shaken. He walked into the bedroom and sat down on the bed, putting his head into his hands, he began to weep.
Later on that night, after Jake had wept quietly on his bed upon seeing the altered reflection again, he lay in the darkness. Marissa lay next to him, breathing softly. He rolled over towards her and watched her lying there. In the small glow of the light coming in from the window, she looked so at peace. So content. He found it saddening that she could only feel this way now in her sleep. He rolled back over and laid there looking up at the ceiling, beginning to think about these last two instances with the mirror.
What the hell is going on? More than anything in the world, I want to understand. I want to know what this means. God knows I want my life to be as happy as it appears in those reflections. Lord, do I want that. But why is it haunting me like this?
He lay there in the silence trying to think of an answer, but he couldn’t. He simply remained in the bed. He glanced back towards Marissa, her back still facing him. He thought back to what she had said to him earlier in the kitchen, her back to him then as well. Was he more likely to fly off the handle lately? Is that why she didn’t feel comfortable around him anymore? When had he failed in his duties as a husband? He had been working hard all these years, providing for them both. He thought he was doing all the right things as a husband and as a man. But was he really? Was he truly doing what it took to be a good man and a good husband? He thought more and more and began to reflect back on his life with her. As he lay there, reminiscing, his body slowly surrendered to sleep along with his mind.
The next day, Jake awoke with a renewed sense of purpose. He practically leaped out of bed in the morning, ready to begin his self transformation. As wracked with grief as he was the night before, he now felt rejuvenated and ready. His goal of changing his ways to win back the woman he loved had spurred him into a state of determination.
He didn’t even bother to look into the mirror in the bathroom after the shower. He knew it would just show him something that he already wanted. Instead he dried himself and got dressed for work. A slight spring in his step, he walked out of the room and into the kitchen. Marissa had already left for the day, a list of errands of her own to run. Jake smiled as he thought of her. He knew this would work. He knew that soon he would be with his wife again. Not as the Jake Kolwan of the past few years, but as the new and improved Jake Kolwan, or Jake Kolwan Version 2, as he playfully referred to himself.
He walked out of the door and to his car, looking up to notice the slight rustling of the tree branches above as a light breeze brushed through the air. The beauties of the world around him had been lost to him as of late. He realized that most everything in life for him had been taken for granted lately. He had just been going through the motions of his life and not truly realizing its full potential. He vowed to himself to no longer phone in his life, as it were, but instead, as he watched the swaying of the leaves on the maple tree branches above, he would embrace each moment personally and never let it go until each moment was fully appreciated.
He settled into the seat of his car and his mind reflected back to the images in the mirror. Most notable was the ones of his wife. How lovely she looked. So peaceful. So radiant and alive. Her eyes full of energy and life as they looked at him in the reflection. It was a way that she hadn’t looked at him in years. It was a thought that kept coming back to him. That look she gave was one from the past when they were so full of love for one another. His eyes began to water with tears as he smiled with joy and with sadness. He pulled away from the curb and smiled to himself as he thought of what he planned to do that day.
All through out the day, Jake searched his heart and mind for answers. How could he improve himself? What could he do to make Marissa happier? Thoughts like these swirled around in his mind. As much as his mind was busy, he never felt stressed or bogged down. On the contrary, he felt excited. Fired up for change.
After a pretty regular day at work and a lot of soul searching, he drove home with a renewed sense of purpose. Something had told him to leave work earlier than normal. He left his desk two hours earlier than any other day and rather than driving straight home, he stopped and picked up a small bouquet of flowers. Lillies. Marissa’s favorite. He pulled up to the curbside in front of the house and turned his head towards home. Turning off the engine, he looked at the house through the glass of his driver side window. It was a welcome sight indeed, made even more so because he knew that inside that house, was the woman he loved.
Marissa.
He smiled contently and stepped out of the car shutting the door behind him. The sound of the door shutting was immediately followed by a scream coming from inside the house. He recognized the voice immediately. It was Marissa’s. He ran to the front door, keys in hand. Fumbling with the lock and the house key, he finally managed to get inside, sweat beading on his brow, his heart racing. He left the door open and stopped for a moment to listen. Within a second he heard another cry from upstairs. Marissa was sobbing and screaming “No!” Jake climbed the stairs, skipping steps as he went and within seconds, he was standing outside his bedroom. Looking in, he saw that what used to be a place of comfort and happiness for him and his wife, was now a disheveled mess. Marissa lay on the floor, tears running down her face as she looked up at the man that stood above her. The intruder could not see Jake from the angle that he was standing, but Jake could see him and saw that he held a large knife in his hand. A faint, cackle of laughter could be heard muffled beneath the man’s grey wool snow mask. The bouquet of flowers fell from Jake’s grip as he stood there in shock. Thinking for all of a moment, Jake charged at the man and tackled him just as Marissa had risen up her hands, trying to ward the intruder off. The mass of men hit the wall hard and Jake heard a grunt from the man in the mask as well as a cry of “Jake, be careful!” from Marissa. The men struggled to right themselves with Jake still holding the man’s wrist that held the knife. They sat up and turned to and fro in a violent dance, struggling for the upper hand. Both men were about the same size, so neither one man had the advantage.
As they punched and pushed at each other still locked up in a fighting embrace, Jake took a chance and mashed his forehead against the man’s temple with a muffled THUD! The man lost his grip for a moment, stumbling back towards the hallway, the knife dangling from his fingers and then falling to the ground as he backpedalled against the wall by the bathroom. Jake saw an opportunity and he looked back at Marissa and saw that she was Ok, just scared. Looking back at the man, he seized the moment. In one swift movement, he grabbed the knife from the ground and charged at the intruder who had just righted himself on the wall next to the bathroom. The knife and Jake hit the man with extreme force and he was pounded against the wall. The sound was a horrific mixture of metal piercing flesh as well as a large WOOMPF, as the two men smashed together. On the wall by the carnage, a small, generic landscape painting fell to the floor and Jake also heard something fall in the bathroom as well.
None of that concerned him now.
He stood back from the man’s body as it leaned limp against the wall, blood beginning to drip to the floor. He sighed with relief, knowing that it was over. He turned and looked at his wife, who was just bracing herself on the bed to stand up. Running to her, they embraced, both crying in relief. He held her tight as she did him and he heard her utter the words, “I love you,” through her cries. Not knowing or caring if it was the drama of the situation that prompted her to say it, he responded in kind and pulled away to look into her eyes as he said it back.
“I love you too, Marissa … and I’ll never stop.”
The police arrived later and filed a report of the occurrence while the ambulance came to take away the man’s body. The mask was removed to see if the man was anyone that Jake or Marissa had recognized. They didn’t. He in fact looked like just an average man, almost too average. Like he could be anyone and no one at the same time. The police checked his pockets and he had no ID on him either.
The authorities soon left, satisfied that it was purely a self defense case and that there was no reason for Jake and Marissa to worry about any repercussions. They asked if they had a place that they could stay for a few nights, knowing that the crime scene crew would be a while in working, not to mention, the young couple probably wouldn’t want to stay in the house for some time anyway.
“Yeah,” Jake replied, his arm around Marissa’s shoulder, “we’ll get a hotel.”
“Ok then,” replied the detective. “You folks try and have a good night and take my card if you need anything.”
Jake took the card from the man’s hand and thanked him.
Some time later, the house was still a buzz of activity as Jake and Marissa were in their room gathering a bag for the night. They worked in silence as they stole glances at one another on occasion. With each look, one thing was clear. Things had changed. Changed for the better. Whether it was the intrusion and subsequent peril that brought it out or just Jake’s own proclamation to change things - they weren’t certain. It seemed to be beyond them. Out of their control, as it were. All that was known was that sincere love was back in their hearts. It was evident in their eyes as they looked at each other. They walked together towards the hallway and Jake saw out of the corner of his eye, that the bathroom mirror had fallen off the wall during the struggle. That must have been what the sound was he had heard during the final moments of the attack.
“Hold on a second,” he said to her as they passed the bathroom. She turned and smiled gently as he walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. He looked at the mirror as it lay on the floor, leaning against the vanity, its back to him. The wire string running across the paper backing that was stapled to the wooden frame was all still intact. He leaned down to pick it up and it was then that he made a startling discovery. The name brand of the manufacturer was printed on the paper, much like all other products of its like. However, in this case, some of the name was scratched or faded away and illegible. The only letters that were readable from the name, that Jake seemed to remember as being “Goldstem,” were the letters “G” “O” “D”.
“God,” Jake whispered to himself. A rush of warmth ran through him as his heart began to beat rapidly in his chest. He turned the mirror around and stood it upright against the wall, resting it on the vanity top. As he looked into it, Jake saw his reflection mimicking his own and he also saw Marissa come into frame. She said softly, “Jake?” as she reached out to him, touching his arm softly. Jake looked down into the mirror and then back at her, noting that the reflections did in fact match each other. Both the reflected Marissa and the real Marissa at his side had their arm gently around Jake’s waist. Both her eyes and her reflected eyes were looking up at him, questioning him, with a slight smile across the face. Jake looked down at her and into her eyes.
“Everything’s fine,” he said as she started to smile more now. “Everything’s … great.”
End