So I’m in the Jewel. I’m putting my steaks on the conveyor belt and the woman in front of me is writing a check for her groceries. She has a four or five year old in tow, and as she finishes writing her check, she reaches behind her to grab her daughter’s hand, and instead gives my boys a big ol’ squeeze. She had no idea I was behind her, nor did she have any idea I was standing so close (the Jewel was a bit crowded)
Naturally, anytime a woman grabs my nads is a special moment for me, but she couldn’t have been more embarrassed. She turned forty shades of red and apologized all over herself, I just grinned. After letting her flap in the breeze for a few moments I told her, and rightfully so, that it had been the high point of my day, and that she shouldn’t worry. She calmed some, and stammered “at least I had a nice big target to hit” (obviously before she’d thought about the way that was going to sound) and immediately turned bright crimson. She grabbed her child and pushed her cart away into the parking lot, as the cashier doubled over with laughter.
Okay, I know it’s not Penthouse forum but hey, it’s the most interesting thing to happen to ME in a long time…
B.
hey, it just occurred to me, maybe that’s whay they call it Jewel? Sheesh, I gotta shop there more often!
I will never forget this time I had to take a physical for a job I was newly hired on to…
The Dr. who did the physical looked an awful lot like a very stunning-30-something Sigourney Weaver. She examined my boys. Although it was nothing sexual, that was the most pleasant visit to a doctor I have ever had in my life.
I was in the queue at the supermarket one day behind this woman. There was a large space between us - no reason - there just was. As a typical bloke only wishing a few items, I had not bothered with a basket or trolley (why do we do that?!), and therefore both hands, and a bit of one arm were taken up with holding groceries.
This woman’s husband (I assume - she was certainly with him, as you are about to see, and both had wedding rings) came in between us, squeezed her left buttock, and quickly moved round to her right hand side…(see, I told you they were together!)
She whipped round and glared at me, understandably oblivious to the fact that my hands were full enough, and I could not possibly have been the perpretrator of the act!
Her husband then made his presence known to her, and the woman and I never made eye contact again. She obviously knew what had really happened but I got no apology. No doubt she was too embarrassed, so that doesn’t bother me, but the husband didn’t even acknowledge me or the slapping he had almost caused!
However, the man behind me then leaned forward and whispered, “That was close…” which caused me and then him to laugh out loud. Still no response from in front!
My first day back to work after being laid off for a couple of months has a pleasant surprise. I was standing at a soda maching deciding what I wanted when someone reached around me and grabbed a hand full of Mr. Winkey. I turned around to find a gal about my age. Her face went from flesh color to white to deep read in 2 seconds. All she said was “Your not my husband” turned and walked away. Didn’t get a chance to thank her.
Well, I’ve never grabbed any stranger, but once I was going to a movie with a male friend, and we were both making our way to our seats. I was looking around and saw an actor I recognized (we were at the Burbank AMC) and so I tured to my friend and said “I saw Richard Yniguez” (character actor). But the guy I said this to was not my friend! I stammered and said “I’m sorry, I thought you were my friend!” And the guy said "I’ll be your friend!"
Female version: On a “tacky lights tour” (radio-station-sponsored bus ride around town to view Xmas lights), I was standing up when the bus suddenly stopped. I went flying headfirst to the back of the bus, put out my hands, and landed right on this lady’s boobs, one to each hand. Good thing we were all drunk.:o
I was standing at the end of the bar in a local watering hole waiting to order. A hand comes up between my legs and grabs the package. I turn around and see a girl I used to date.
The problem is, some time after we stopped dating, she was involved in a car accident which left her somewhat “etiquettely disabled.” I don’t think she really saw anything wrong in what she did–she was just trying to get my attention.
The first time I tried filling out a complicated tax form, I went for help. The IRS agent was standing next to the table and I wasn’t watching where my hand was going. He was very sweet about it, but I was still so embarrassed, I was thisclose to self-combusting.
I was 21, had just come back from studying in Japan for a year, and my best friend and I decided to do something we’d never done before – check out some local night clubs (we were rather naive small-town girls). At one pretty crowded place, we were walking along the edge of the dance floor, and I was moving to the music a bit when my fist moved backward and caught a fellow square in the nuts! :o
He was very polite and apologetic, seemed like a nice fellow, and we had a good time talking, but boy am I glad nothing ever came of that! Can’t you just hear the conversation: “So, how did you two meet?” "Well, we were at this club " . . .
A woman at work a coupla years ago gave me a squeeze & twist – I was standing in a doorway, and she was backing towards it, finishing up a conversation with someone in the room. Without looking behind her, she uhm, reached for the knob, and since it was all in once motion – “reach, grip, rotate” – she gave me quite a turn.
She was a freckled red-haired lass, and I’ve never seen anyone blush that much.
I was in a dance class in college, and to get us used to feeling the space around us, rather than relying on sight, the instructor blindfolded us and let us just move around.
Well, as I made my way slowly around the room, with my arms slightly extended, I came upon a female member of the class. Turns out my outstretched hands were at the same level as the young lady’s … um … upper frontals, shall we say.
Totally innocent and haphazard copping of a feel. And I don’t even know who it was I groped…
