BigT, I am getting so sick of your constant lectures, I really can’t hold back anymore. I feel like you’re specifically targeting me and my views at this point. Let’s chat.
My rightness or wrongness has nothing to do with whether or not I’m a survivor. I don’t post for sympathy nor as an appeal to authority, I post my experience as an illustrative example of the very large social problem that is sexual abuse and sexual assault. More on that later, the takeaway, for now, is: whether I’m right or wrong in a particular thing, has nothing to do with my personal experience.
That said, you know what might slightly, maybe have a bearing on my rightness or wrongness? The fact that I have a fucking masters degree in solving social problems. I have specific education regarding the implementation of social change and effective strategies for achieving such, from one of the top universities in the country. That’s what MACRO social work means: social policy, social advocacy, nonprofit management, legislative action, community organizing, social messaging, marketing, to name a handful of the things I studied. When I was sitting in undergrad trying to figure out what in the hell do to with my life, I decided that I wanted to use my brain to solve social problems. I chose to do this knowing that the pay would be shit and that few people would recognize the professional skillset it takes to do my job. I’ve been operating in a professional capacity for, oh, about nine years now, and I fucking love it. I currently work on the development team of a $4m domestic violence and sexual assault organization and I am damned good at what I do.
And then you come in, and it feels like just a constant barrage of lectures about what I should or should not be doing regards social issue du jour. I really don’t know how I can put it any plainer:
You, BigT, are an amateur lecturing a professional. When you bend over backward to explain to me what social justice is, it’s patronizing to me and embarrassing for you. Our motives for participating in these conversations are wildly disparate. I’m here to do the opposite of alienate people. My job is to reach the broadest audience possible. Yes, even in the Pit. I don’t give a flying fuck what you do or think or say or feel, but don’t tell me how to do my life’s work.
Leaving aside the obvious hypocrisy of yelling at people for mildly chastising Idle Thoughts and then turning around and telling me not to defend octopus in any way, or the ridiculousness of pretending that voicing disagreement with a particular line of argument is the equivalent of ‘‘condemnation’’ of this entire Pit thread…
I spoke up for one reason, and one reason only. So that nobody would be alienated from me. So that my views were clear. So that I can have an honest, decent conversation with people who might not normally share my ideology but are willing to listen. I am always and forever playing the long game. Other people on this board can say whatever they want, they have different motives than I do. As an advocate, I can’t say whatever I want. And I believe that the offense should be proportionate to the crime. octopus’ comment, however harmful it may have been to victims, is so common in my line of work as to be mundane. Do you think that when our Prevention Ed specialists hear that sort of thing among their students, they say, ‘‘Holy shit, you’re such a rape apologist!’’ No. They. Fucking. Don’t. They work through it calmly and reasonably and bitch about it with co-workers later. My approach to that sort of issue is always going to be facilitating conversation. Which I did successfully. So I don’t think you need to worry too much about my approach.
There are countless survivors on this board, many of whom have messaged me, who don’t feel comfortable speaking up about their own experience because of the shitty world we live in. I wish everyone could hear their voices and not just mine, because I don’t corner the market on survivor experience. It just so happens that my experience fits nicely with a lot of the typical bullshit survivors have to go through, so it’s a good illustrative example of the problem on a sociological level. And I think it helps people who would otherwise be skeptical (i.e. octopus) to hear a point of view that often goes unspoken. Sometimes that kind of honesty is what softens hearts.
If I didn’t see it working, I wouldn’t be doing it. So for the last motherfucking time, get off my case.
Sincerely,
Spice Weasel
