A thread to whine about my SO having bypass surgery, and hopefully to get advice

In My Humble Opinion
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A little background…my SO who I will call Bill, mostly because that is his name, had a “cardiac event” a few days ago and then had bypass surgery. When he went into surgery, he was supposed to have a triple bypass, but being an over achiever, he had a quad. He lives in Houston and I live in the middle of nowhere AZ. I flew out and am now driving in the scariest place ever.

From what I’m getting from the doctors, Bill is doing very well. I have helped friends who had heart surgery in the past, so I’m not really that scared for Bill. I hope this doesnt’ sound heartless. I love him. I know that he is in pain. I also know that this is pretty routine and that if I do my job properly, he will be back on his feet in a month.

I know to wake him up to blow in the thing with balls and I “let” him win at scrabble (not really, I got my butt handed to me by someone who had to take 2 naps during the game.)

When he’s awake, he wants to go home. He also wants me to take him outside so he can smoke. I’m out of cigs and we both are going to suffer together.

I’m having someone go to his house and install grab bars in the shower tomorrow. I’m also having a day bed moved into his bedroom because I don’t think I should sleep with him. I don’t want to hurt him by wrapping my arms around his chest in my sleep.

Does anyone have ideas about how to make his home safe while he is recovering? I’ve picked up the area rugs.

And, can someone teach people to use their flipping turning signals? Houston, 18 lane freeways, everyone driving at least 150 MPH and nobody signals. It’s scaring me to death.

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Does the shower have a handheld sprayer? If not, adding one will make life easier, along with a bench seat or a transfer seat for a shower-tub combo. An extra-long hose on the sprayer is also good: you can generally find an 84" hose (vs the standard 60") at most home improvement stores.

The daybed is a great idea, as is moving the rugs. Ask the nurses about a nicotine patch, either for Bill or yourself! Or just go get some for yourself (or gum, or whatever delivery system to get you through the worst.) ISTR that you’re a serial quitter, but if you haven’t experienced it before, be prepared for some weird-ass dreams with the patch.

As for Houston traffic? Practical suggestion: take a cab when possible. Impractical but more satisfying: turret-mounted flamethrower atop your vehicle. Caterpillar tracks to drive over the crispy critters who previously pissed you off in traffic. People will likely give you wide berth, even in Texas.

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Going to move this to IMHO for you.

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You both need to quit smoking.

I had bypass surgery 1.5 years ago.
We didn’t do anything special for my recovery. Having a bench in the shower will help for the first week or so. He also isn’t supposed to drive for at least a month.

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Do you want some nicotine patches? And/or gum? I have a few boxes I can send you, no charge, hon. We got a whole bunch and then ended up needing them for only two weeks. Getting out of the hospital is a GREAT time to quit, since all those normal routines that trigger cravings are going to be disrupted for a few days, anyhow.

He’s gonna bounce back way quicker than you think, I think. Don’t worry too much about changing the environment, except for those things that are obvious, like removing slippery rugs and making sure there are clear pathways for walking.

Does he have a pillbox? They’re probably going to give him a zillion new scrips, and pillboxes reduce medication errors, especially when new medications are started. An alarm clock or cell phone’s alarm is good for reminding himself when to take things. That’s important for some cardiac drugs, and for painkillers. (For the first couple of days, anyhow, you want to give the pain meds on an hour based schedule, since it’s easier to keep pain away than to get rid of pain once the patient feels and reports it.)

Grab bars and shower chairs are probably overdoing it, unless there are other significant things going on. By the time they’re shipped and installed, he won’t need them any more.

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Sometimes, after everything is said and done and the scar is fading and the meds are working, the biggest daily pain in the ass can be the dietary changes. If he was a greasy, salty food lover before and has to switch to twigs and berries, it can really feel like “fuck, life is so unfair - I had to have quaddamndruple bypass and all I want is fucking bag of Funyuns”. Be sympathetic and see if you can find or suggest some heart healthy alternatives to any favorites he has to forego in the future.

And WhyNot is right about the bars and shower chairs possibly being overkill. Unless there is something else going on (and there may very well be), he shouldn’t go from able-bodied to weakened Faberge egg in the long run. With his doctor’s supervision, he should be making his heart healthy with approved exercises (the doc may want him walking three times a week or let him heal and give him the go ahead for super ninja pilates kickboxing, I don’t know).

And I’m sorry you are going through the “blech” of watching a loved one go through it. Although not as serious as a bypass, I was long distance three years ago as I watched, or rather listened, to my SO be admitted for stroke level BP and the subsequent changes. It feels very helpless, I know. Good luck to you!

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Remember the old saying “A friend in need is a friend indeed”? Bill is in need, and you are indeed his friend.

I think that shower sprayers are one of life’s luxuries, whether you need one or not. They’re inexpensive. A bath seat might or might not be needed for a while. If he needs one, though, you can pick one up at Walgreen’s, which are usually open 24 hours a day.

My parents both had bypasses. Both of them experienced some depression for quite a while afterwards. Apparently, this is a pretty common side effect, so you and Bill should be prepared for this.

When I was “helping my husband quit smoking” :wink: , I used to load his cigarettes. Explosive loads. I don’t think that I’d recommend this method for a heart patient, though.

I hope you and Bill live long and happy lives.

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Every person I know who has had bypass complains about the excruciating back pain afterwards. The surgery site, even the place on the leg where the graft is taken, nothing hurts as bad as the back.

It was explained to me that when the surgeons “crack the chest” and spread the ribs apart to access the heart, there is no joint near the spine where the ribs attach. This tremendous stress results in nasty pain during recovery. I’ll second whoever said give pain meds regularly, especially in the beginning.

Pill caddies are Godsends. A timer or alarm clock would be a great idea, too, so no medication is “forgotten.”

And when the bitching and moaning start, that means he’s almost well again!
~VOW

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I don’t know if grab bars and shower chairs are overkill - Bill isn’t getting any younger, and at 45, I’m kind of wishing that I had grab bars in my bathroom. :slight_smile:

Don’t forget to look after yourself, too, flatlined - don’t give yourself caregiver burn-out by doing too much and not allowing yourself any downtime.

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Hadn’t thought of that, but true. :slight_smile:

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Thanks for the replies and suggestions.

Lacunae Matata, I am going to check Amazon for a flame thrower, that sounds like just what I need!

His shower already has a built in bench and a handheld showerhead. I’m going to check the length of the hose, but as I recall, it was pretty long. Thank you for the suggestion, I think its the small things that will make the difference.

Thanks **Idle Thoughts **:slight_smile:

beowulff we both are going to quit smoking. As Lucanae correctly remembers, I’m a serial quitter. (I love that, btw.) I like smoking, so today I bought an e-cig.

Did you have memory problems? When Bill is awake, he seems lucid. He knows where he is and what happened. He beats me at scrabble and remembers passwords and PINs. He goes to sleep and when he wakes up, he often forgets things we had talked about. I’m assuming its the drugs, but I do worry.

WhyNot, that was a very kind and generous offer and I thank you. I’m going to try e-cigs this time. I don’t really have that much problem quitting. I have problems with staying clean. I’ll be just fine for a year to 3 years and then suddenly I’m not only smoking, I’m back to a pack a day.

I’m sure that you are right that he’s going to bounce back very fast. I’m mostly concerned about the first couple of weeks that he’s home. I’ll put the rugs back when he starts picking his feet up again.

The grab bars in the shower probably won’t be needed, but I had them installed anyhow. Bill is going to get better…its a big shower, big enough for 2 consenting adults…they could come in handy later. :cool:

A doctor is here, I’ll continue later.

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My wife thinks her quad bypass in '91 caused problems with her memory. She’ll sometimes stop mid-sentence searching for a word.
She doesn’t seem to have any problem recalling past events though.

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Just a thought; I have no experience dealing with bypass patients, but I’m wondering if bendy straws might be of use for a while? I’m thinking sitting up from a laying position might hurt; if he’s laying down and needs a drink it might help if the straw can meet him halfway.

And GO GO GO on the quitting smoking thing! You both can do it!!!

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Fortunately, I didn’t have any memory problems after my surgery. I’ve heard several theories about why people suffer from these - Anesthetics, blood flow issues caused by the surgery, and a widely noted "hospital memory loss" syndrome that may be caused by the very un-restful stay in the hospital.

My understanding is that most times, the memory loss is temporary.

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WhyNot the suggestion about the pill thingy is great, I just put it on my list. Bill has a small one because he takes a couple of pills every morning, he will need one to cover the whole day.

I’ve been told that he is not supposed to drive for 6 weeks and that he has to sit in the back seat. I’m looking for a chauffeur’s hat :slight_smile:

And I’m sorry you are going through the “blech” of watching a loved one go through it. Although not as serious as a bypass, I was long distance three years ago as I watched, or rather listened, to my SO be admitted for stroke level BP and the subsequent changes. It feels very helpless, I know. Good luck to you!
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I’m sorry that you had to go through that. Yes, when I was flying out and during the surgery, I felt so helpless and scared. Now that I know that I am going to be an important part of his recovery, I feel better. This thread is helping because its giving me suggestions of things that I can do.

Lots of snipping happened. Bill is my best friend and I’m happy that I’m able to help him. I do wish that I could stay longer, but I ran through a lot of PTO because of my very minor surgery. If I had only known…

I agree with you about the hand held shower sprayers. When I bought my home, I learned how to install them. (Maybe I should say that I learned how important it is to shut the water off for the house instead of trusting that the tap handles would do it. I also learned how important that white plumbing tape is.)

Thank you for warning me about the depression. None of the staff here has mentioned that, but they are dealing with the current health issues.

Honestly, I’ve been thinking that Bill has been very depressed since his wife died. I’ve tried to get him to talk to someone but he says he’s fine. This might be the silver lining to this situation.

I might be able to get him to talk to a professional by telling him that his depression is physical. It won’t be a sign of weakness if its physical. hmmmm…I think I’ll talk to my favorite nurse and see if we can get a follow up appointment made with a grief counselor. Bill will have a lot of follow up appointments, so maybe I’ll be able to slip that one in.

It will be the first time that I’ve deceived him by omission. I’m not really comfortable with this, even though I know that its in his best interest. I will need to think about it.

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There is a support group called “Mended Hearts” that may be able to provide some emotional support. I didn’t use them, but I did take advantage of Cardiac rehab - I found it pretty helpful.
How old is Bill?

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How many floors are in his home? More than one? He would benefit from not having to negotiate stairs immediately post-op. An inflatable bed, or sleeping on on the couch or recliner, would be a better option. Get as much of the necessary stuff as possible on the same floor.

Also I’m 27, and I still find shower grab-bars handy! They’re nice to hold onto and keep my balance while I stand on one foot to scrub my toes (I’m not at my most alert during my morning shower, heh).

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Losing his wife then going through a very serious surgery and health problem - jeeze, he’d be abnormal if he WASN’T depressed! Good luck in getting him to talk to someone - my sister went through something similar with her husband (he had a successfully-treated lymphoma), and he has persistently refused to see anyone. (I mean that - I hope you can get him to talk to someone.)

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That sounds like a pleasant way for him to wake up, but at this point is this safe or advisable? ;).

Shower stools are indeed nice - I got one when I broke my foot and while it made the stall crowded, it was nice to not have to balance while showering. With Bill, I’d think it’s more of a fatigue thing.

Grab bars: I found a suction-cup one in the same aisle at Bed Bath and Beyond - we’d gone in there for the shower stool. That’s a cheaper alternative to permanently-installed ones, and would let him give it a try to see if it’s useful for him.

Echoing everyone else that this would be a good time for you both to quit smoking. Ask the doctor about using nicotine patches or whatever, in Bill’s case there might be concerns over the effect on the blood vessels, though surely not as great as if he actually continued smoking.

Pill organizers: Yep, they’re great. I take meds morning and evening, and I’ve found the locking organizers are great because I can load up my stuff for the week and keep it in my purse - so that way if I forget to take my morning meds at home, I’m not stuck until I get home from work.

If he has a smartphone, there are apps that can help keep track of what he takes when - including sounding alarms to remind him. I like Med Helper on the Android; Typo Knig uses Meds Log on the iPhone. That one is no longer available but there are others - Med Helper has a version, and Meds Coach (which bought out Meds Log); I haven’t played around with either of them. If he’s interested in a handheld gadget, this might be an excuse to get him an iPod Touch for that purpose. Both platforms have exercise trackers as well. If he’s at all gadget-oriented, those make the needed tracking at least mildly entertaining.

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Depends on the shower wall surface. The suction cup grab bar I had popped off as soon as I’d put it on. We got one of the heavy duty jobs at a medical supply store. AFTER I fell in the shower, Hubster got off his butt and put in the grab bar. I LOVE it. I told him he did such a good job I could probably swing like a monkey from it.

If I were ruler of the world, I’d have a grab bar in EVERY shower and tub. Bathing is a slippery task, and all of us rely a little TOO much on soap dishes and shower curtains to maintain our balance!
~VOW