A thread to whine about my SO having bypass surgery, and hopefully to get advice

In My Humble Opinion
41

Cat Whisperer thank you for telling me this. Its hard for me to stay calm when Bill goes into a rage because I’m mad as well. I get so ticked off about minor things now.

I got into a terrible spat with his housekeeper because she put starch on his shirts. She was doing what she has always done, but I bitched her out because she didn’t know to read my mind.

I’ve not been following this thread as well as I should be because it makes me mad. My lover, my SO, the best fuck I’ve ever had is hurt and all I can do is take him for walks.

Not to mention that I’m driving in Houston. Just thinking about it makes me mad.

42

Sounds like you BOTH could use a good cry together.
~VOW

43

Hon, you’re BOTH under a godawful amount of stress right now. No matter how well things are going (and my mom had bypass surgery twice, so I have some idea of both the good and the bad) this is still a scary, disruptive, and for Bill quite physically painful experience. Of course you’re both “acting out”. It’s not laudable, but it is extremely human. On a certain level it’s *normal *to be experiencing fear, anger, sadness, etc. over this. Feeling these things isn’t wrong, what matter is how you express yourselves and/or how it effects others.

My theory is that in circumstances like these people start getting ticked off at minor things because all their coping energy is so drained by the whole experience.

Anyhow, my take on this is that Bill might be pushing himself on the exercise out of fear of becoming an invalid (my mom certainly went through that during/after her first triple bypass) and as a way of doing something other than lying in a bed and being pitiful. He’s probably hoping he can get fit enough that he won’t suddenly up and die. Just a guess. And this ties in with wanting to get married and issues with his family, he’s suddenly had a HUGE wake-up call with the main point being “you’re mortal”.

Food tasting off could be the medications, or it could be the lack of smoking.

How are you taking care of YOURSELF? Care-giver fatigue is a problem. If you don’t take proper care of yourself taking care of him will be much more difficult. Are you eating good food on a regular basis? Are you getting enough rest? Do you take a little time for yourself in a day, a half an hour or an hour? Recovery from surgery like this is not a sprint, it’s more of a marathon. You have to pace yourself or you’ll be worn to a frazzle. It’s quite easy for so much focus to be on the recovering person that everyone else around him gets their needs neglected.

44

You need me to fly in to watch them thar idiot cats, honey? I’ve got 3 of my own, so plenty experienced.

xoxo

45

Well, even if you do get married, that won’t give the therapist permission to talk to you about him unless HE explicitly grants it - with HIPAA requirements, no medical people will talk to the spouse without permission -or at least they are not supposed to. Whenever I’ve seen a new doctor, I’ve had to list people they may discuss things with (obviously I do list my husband). I mean, what if I were to, say, see the gyno for a disease I picked up turning tricks downtown, I might not want my husband to know.

Re the food: My FIL smoked - quit many years before I met him. Supposedly he gained weight afterward not just because of the weight-controlling effect of smoking, but because food TASTED so much better.

So, I can definitely understand food tasting weird at this point.

46

Mama Zappa, you are right. Bill’s doctors talk to me because they met me while I was at the hosptial with him. Its a whole lot easier to get doctors to think that they can talk to you when you are in the hospital room, holding the patient’s hand.

We aren’t getting married this year. We aren’t even going to seriously discuss it until this time next year. Bill just went through a huge life-changing event and I think he needs time to calm down. If we do marry, it won’t be because he’s angry or scared. Bill can just change his will to include me if he wants to do that.

We are, however, going to adopt a cat. An adult cat, probably male. Bill had to have his old cat put down shortly after his wife died and he thinks he’s ready for a new one. I think that everyone needs at least 1 housecat and I’ve been checking PetFinders.

This guy really touches my heart. FIV isn’t a good thing, but he might go years before his health starts to suffer.

Kinki, it would really bite if you flew to AZ to catsit and I couldn’t meet you. Maybe you could fly to Houston and bring one of your friends rescue cats. I think that a kitty that glows in the dark would be a good thing, it wouldn’t trip us in the middle of the night.

I’m still driving in Houston. OMG. I’m starting to learn the rules, tho. If someone is trying to merge, you are supposed to put the pedal to the metal and cut them off. If you are the person merging, outrace them and try to cut them off. When the light turns green, wait for 3 cars to run their red light.

Today, I watched someone dare to try to enter the intersection after only 2 cars had run the red and she almost got hit. It was the first time I’ve ever seen cars swerve so hard that someone’s coffee cup fell out the window to shatter on the road.

Nobody uses cross walks, so nobody pays attention to those white lines on the road.

I’ve also figured out that some of the problem with the food tasting off is that Bill can’t have salt. No smoking and no salt is making things taste strange, not to mention that Bill is on drugs. (We won’t talk about my cooking being the problem, even though it probably is.)

47

Flatlined, you once said of your cats (I think) ‘I take care of them because no one else would’ or something like that. I know I’m misremembering, but that really helped me. I have 3 FIV dumplings, and if I didn’t take them, they would be very well taken care of by the great shelter folks–but they’d be 3 out of some 50 cats, and the shelter had a parvo outbreak last year with typical heartbreaking results.

Anyway, my 3 are fucking banshees. They shred the wallpaper/leather sofa, run up and down the hall at all hours, kick the living SHIT out of each other, loudly demand food–and curl up in my arms to sleep. They drive me batshit, and of course I’m crazy about them, and fearful about them getting sick.

Few people–especially those with kids–will take in FIVs here, as you can imagine. So it’s left to whacks like you and me to take in the dumplings that no one else will.

I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but I wanted to thank you for expressing part of the reason why I have my 3, and echoing your wise words back at you.

That is a DAMN cute cat.

I’m heading up to Fukushima this weekend, and will snag some pics of glow-in-the-dark kitties for you.

KNT

48

And he can also document that you can be involved in his healthcare discussions - Medical Power Of Attorney (that may not be the right term). That’s something every adult should really do, especially if they don’t have a spouse (or even if they do… thinking of Terri Schiavo). It would contain a statement of what person(s) could make decisions if you’re not able, also statements of what degree of care you’d want - e.g. , etc.

And good on you for considering a cat with FIV. Back in the 1980s, when feline leukemia (not sure of that’s the same as FIV) was becoming better known and a vaccine had just been announced, we adopted a shelter cat. Got him tested before giving him the vaccine and yep, he tested positive. 2.5 years with him before he got sick enough that we had to make That Call to the vet. My allergies act up (:::sniff:::slight_smile: every time I think of him - he was a damn fine cat.

49

All these threads talking about cat dumplings and cat loaves are making me strangely hungry for kitty fingers. /munch

I would imagine the lack of salt is probably affecting the taste of his food more than the quitting smoking. I’ve quit twice, and food tastes better and better the longer I’ve been off them. It never really tastes bad or weird. Can you guys get creative with other non-salt spices? Can he have curry and cayenne pepper and cilantro and sage and cumin and all that jazz?

50

He may have all the spices in the spice rack!
~VOW

51

We climbed 3 flights of stairs. It took almost half an hour and we stopped to rest often, but we did it. So, to celebrate, we came straight home and Bill went to sleep. At least the choice (to have sex) is back in our hands. And now I’m concerned about hurting him again. He can’t be on top. I don’t think I want to risk being on top of him and maybe pressing too hard on his chest. Will being on our sides spoon fashion put too much pressure on his chest?

When I showed Ranger’s write up to Bill, he was concerned about my cats which I thought was very sweet. Its going to be at least a year before we have to worry about them meeting. My cats are used to strange cats in their house and Ranger is supposed to be good with other cats. I think it will work out.

The big problem is that we’ll have to drive all the way to the other side of Houston to meet Ranger. And then back. Its going to really bite. I hope I don’t scare Ranger to death. Heck, I hope I don’t die.

Its very possible that the food tasting off is because now that we don’t smoke, we can tell that I’m a terrible cook. Its a good thing I used my other attributes to lure him in.

52

If he’s not going “ow!” and having trouble maintaining an erection, it’s not too much pressure. And not to be too graphic, but sex doesn’t always have to be horizontal. Some patients find post-op sex easiest if he’s standing and you’re on all fours on the edge of the bed, if you get my modified doggy-style drift. If he gets winded, it’s easy to sit down, and there’s no pressure on his chest or abdomen at all.

Be patient. Be creative. Be innovative. The soldier may not be ready to come to attention yet. :wink: But do whatever works for both of you. You’ll figure it out together.

53

Reports from my relatives who smoke(d) include that, every time one of them stopped smoking, things would taste off for a while; eventually, they’d start tasting and smelling normally again and wonder at all the tastes and smells they’d been missing because they were hidden under tobacco’s.

Should be a couple of months of everything tasting/smelling “off”, based on them.

54

There’s a line of seasoning mixes made for people who can’t have salt called Mrs. Dash. There’s the regular, then there’s the garlic and herb, and I think there’s at least one other kind. Now, this stuff has a lot of black pepper in it, so I can’t eat it any more, but I remember it being pretty darned tasty.

55

There are more flavors of Mrs Dash than you can count!

Lemon Pepper, Southwest Chipotle, Tomato Basil, etc etc etc
~VOW

56

You can’t have pepper, Lynn? That really bites.

I don’t like to cook, so I’m not inspired to experiment. Bill is an excellent cook, but he gets tired so fast. We’ve come up with the ageement that Bill will sit at the breakfast bar and tell me what to do. It works except for the part when he says something like “now put in a little cayan pepper”, I ask how much is a little and he says “until it looks right”. :smack:

WhyNot, thank you for that suggestion. I must confess that I hadn’t thought about that, but it sounds like an excellent idea for when he’s ready. The rush to climb the stairs was more to allow him to feel more in control of the situation than because he was dieing of raging lust.

Bill is doing much better. We are walking half a mile at a time now and he’s staying awake for longer periods of time. His wound is healing nicely and his back has stopped hurting.

His scar is going to bother me everytime I look at it. Its not straight. Well, it is straight, but its not centered. The bottom is about 3/4" off the horizonal from the top. I don’t know why, but it bothers me every time I look at it.

Thanks again for all the support and suggestions. They are very appreciated.

57

I know that’s the way I like to wake up…

58

Trust me, he isn’t in love with me for my cooking skills…