A tired old rant -- but this time it nearly came to blows. [Theatre etiquette.]

[Una_Persson]

I wouldn’t get too bothered by any potential “response” as it’s most likely message board smoke. In the real world, 99.9% of us will sit there and bear it, and not rush up to confront, belt out show tunes like some PCP-crazed Hyacinth Bucket, or give someone the emergency beatdown they may or may not deserve. Most of us are not going to get involved and will suffer silently (“I’ll give them such a frowning!” - Grandpa Simpson paraphrased), waiting for when we can rush home to talk about it on an internet message board like a 21st Century Walter Mitty.

I’m not calling anyone specifically a liar; I can see the indignant responses already, but calm down and read. What proof would I have either way? Who am I to say anyone isn’t a Pit Bull of Interpersonal Situations? I don’t know you and you don’t know me. But I do know from scores of situations with obnoxious people that the vast, vast, VAST majority of the people do nothing whatsoever to actively stop obnoxious jerks. We sit there and hope for cosmic justice that will never come. It would be odd to discover that a place like the SDMB was somehow populated with all the brave people that I (almost) never see IRL. The only person I have ever seen confront people in a theatre is Skipmagic - yes, you read that right, gentle, lamb of God peaceful Skipmagic.

Me? Nope. Don’t look to me to confront Skammer as he talks to T-Dog about his new 20-inch spinners while Pirates is playing. You think I want to get pounded on by some horse-testosterone-injecting teenage psychopath who could come within a hair of killing me and only get Diversion until 18 as a result? I go to the manager, and complain sternly, calmly, and professionally. The jerks get thrown out, I get free future movie passes and a refund on the current movie. Sometimes I get free popcorn too. If your theatre won’t take action, then find another theatre. Unless you live in a tiny town like East Bumfuckshire (“population 231 - sa-lute!”) you most likely have a choice of theatres.

And I’ll add that I’d rather have a couple of snapperheads talking on their cell phones than one screaming baby. You know, the ones where the parents categorically refuse to leave the theatre, and the baby screams for nearly an hour straight, so loud and long that it makes gasping sounds before each howl? Shit, I’ll listen to little Brandon’s girl troubles all movie long rather than listen to

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! (GASP…GURGLE…CHOKE) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! …

And what about the parents that let their kids run wild in the sprawling day care center that most of us call a theatre? What’s more distracting - Gangsta Bitch Barbie texting her latest attempt at getting syphillis before she’s 14, or a child walking up to the front of the theatre, standing in front of the movie (“R-rated”, no less) and reaching up to touch the screen, yelling out “MWAH BAH GUH EIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!” - while the parents do nothing???

The correct answer is, of course, both of them are obnoxious, just some are more obnoxious to some of us.

[shizaru]

@Una Persson

And I’ll add that I’d rather have a couple of snapperheads talking on their cell phones than one screaming baby. You know, the ones where the parents categorically refuse to leave the theatre, and the baby screams for nearly an hour straight, so loud and long that it makes gasping sounds before each howl? Shit, I’ll listen to little Brandon’s girl troubles all movie long rather than listen to

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! (GASP…GURGLE…CHOKE) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! …

And what about the parents that let their kids run wild in the sprawling day care center that most of us call a theatre? What’s more distracting - Gangsta Bitch Barbie texting her latest attempt at getting syphillis before she’s 14, or a child walking up to the front of the theatre, standing in front of the movie (“R-rated”, no less) and reaching up to touch the screen, yelling out “MWAH BAH GUH EIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!” - while the parents do nothing???

Yep. That happened when my wife and I went to see the first Blade movie in a theater…it was the 9 PM show too. That damn baby drove me insane. I shouted at least one “Take the baby home!”. My wife got upset that I did that. When we were leaving she said “Well, maybe they wanted to go out but couldn’t afford or get a babysitter.”

Grrrr…I looked my wife in the eye and said Then they don’t get to see the fuckin’ movie!

[E-Sabbath]

The question really remains, what’s the most appropriate song to be singing?
Bananaphone, for that earworm quality?
Or Anything Goes for the way you can just really get it rolling, barrelhouse style?

[Miller]

@Una Persson

I wouldn’t get too bothered by any potential “response” as it’s most likely message board smoke. In the real world, 99.9% of us will sit there and bear it, and not rush up to confront, belt out show tunes like some PCP-crazed Hyacinth Bucket, or give someone the emergency beatdown they may or may not deserve. Most of us are not going to get involved and will suffer silently (“I’ll give them such a frowning!” - Grandpa Simpson paraphrased), waiting for when we can rush home to talk about it on an internet message board like a 21st Century Walter Mitty.

I’m not calling anyone specifically a liar; I can see the indignant responses already, but calm down and read. What proof would I have either way? Who am I to say anyone isn’t a Pit Bull of Interpersonal Situations? I don’t know you and you don’t know me. But I do know from scores of situations with obnoxious people that the vast, vast, VAST majority of the people do nothing whatsoever to actively stop obnoxious jerks. We sit there and hope for cosmic justice that will never come. It would be odd to discover that a place like the SDMB was somehow populated with all the brave people that I (almost) never see IRL. The only person I have ever seen confront people in a theatre is Skipmagic - yes, you read that right, gentle, lamb of God peaceful Skipmagic.

In fairness, (and without re-reading the whole thread to make sure I’m right) I think only two people have claimed they’ve ever directly confronted someone over this: Eve and the OP. Most of the other posts have been phrased as “What I’d like to do,” “What someone should do,” or “What I saw some other guy do this one time.” I’m not seeing too many claims of personal confrontation here. Most of us just sit and stew, and then vent about it here on the internets.

[Una_Persson]

@Miller

In fairness, (and without re-reading the whole thread to make sure I’m right) I think only two people have claimed they’ve ever directly confronted someone over this: Eve and the OP. Most of the other posts have been phrased as “What I’d like to do,” “What someone should do,” or “What I saw some other guy do this one time.” I’m not seeing too many claims of personal confrontation here. Most of us just sit and stew, and then vent about it here on the internets.

Sure, I’m with you there. Let me correct by expanding my previous scope to be referring to threads like this in general, over the history of the SDMB and elsewhere - even my own place. That’s the context I’m thinking about. My language may have been contemporized based on just now having read this thread today, but really, the issue is much older.

[Cat_Whisperer]

@Una Persson

I wouldn’t get too bothered by any potential “response” as it’s most likely message board smoke. In the real world, 99.9% of us will sit there and bear it, and not rush up to confront, belt out show tunes like some PCP-crazed Hyacinth Bucket, or give someone the emergency beatdown they may or may not deserve. Most of us are not going to get involved and will suffer silently (“I’ll give them such a frowning!” - Grandpa Simpson paraphrased), waiting for when we can rush home to talk about it on an internet message board like a 21st Century Walter Mitty.<snip>

YEAH! I frown in your general direction!

[D_Odds]

@Miller

In fairness, (and without re-reading the whole thread to make sure I’m right) I think only two people have claimed they’ve ever directly confronted someone over this: Eve and the OP. Most of the other posts have been phrased as “What I’d like to do,” “What someone should do,” or “What I saw some other guy do this one time.” I’m not seeing too many claims of personal confrontation here. Most of us just sit and stew, and then vent about it here on the internets.

Whilst I’ve never beaten anyone as violently as I fantasized, I have intruded on conversations, especially the Nextel ones. I figure, if you are holding a loud conversation in public, everyone is invited. I don’t do it every time, but some days the mood and the situation is just right…

[Eve]

@D_Odds

I figure, if you are holding a loud conversation in public, everyone is invited.

That’s the spirit! Just innocently tell them, “I thought it was 'audience participation!”

[ENugent]

I recommend attending a Kinsey Sicks concert. At the beginning, there is a general announcement: “Any cell phone that rings during the performance will be stuffed up the owner’s ass.” While they didn’t actually carry out the threat on the one guy whose phone rang, I’ve never seen someone shut up a cell phone faster.

[CanvasShoes]

Shoes:
The reasons that the conductor, or bus driver would look at someone as if they had three heads are more likely due to their opinion that they don’t get paid enough to have to get into a “Hassle” that way, rather than that the person making the complaint hasn’t made a legitimate one.

countblutcher/quietman: Sorry, but I have to call Bullshit on that one. (I’ll ignore the Idiot comment and consider the source. Pot-kettle-black, and all that. ) Conductors and transit police have programs in place to handle problems on a train…from loud conversations, to people picking fights. It was mentioned extensively on another thread about drunk girls on the Chicago-L, but don’t kid yourself that the Transit Authority doesn’t have similar rules in place or won’t stop a train and drag people off if they feel it passes a certain threshold.

Precisely my point. The poster who originally was complaining about ill-behaving fellow commuters WAS talking about getting the conductor into it. Your comment was that “if they look at you as if you have three heads, you’re at fault”.

My point, which you’ve made nicely for me above, was that IF a conductor looks at a commuter strangely and does nothing when the commuter makes a legitimate complaint, then the Conductor/Bus Driver is not doing his or her job.

If they are doing their job, then you and I are in agreement, they certainly would step in and “correct” or address the cell phone screamer.

From CanvasShoes:
If a person, or persons are behaving in such a way as to make life unpleasant for others around them, then it is necessary to make sure that they understand that and cease their activity.

As many others have said in this thread, too damn many times people are just too meek or “I don’t want to make waves” to enforce good manners.

Societal pressure once ensured a certain level of appropriate behaviour out in public, it is a sad unfortunate time we live in that this is no longer true.

(note: bolding is mine)

Enforce? Who trained you to enforce? Who elected/appointed/hired you to Enforce? If you have a Badge, fine, but most people here don’t.

The answers to the questions you seek are all in my post. I didn’t say I enforced. I am speaking of the simple use of societal pressure to enforce decent manners. Enforce has more meanings than the one you are married to at the moment.

Jesus-Fucking-Christ, since When did ‘Fighting Ignorance’ mean ‘Becoming a Vigilante’??? Does Cecil really agree with you people forcing confrontations (and probably fights, because once you’re in somebody’s face who isn’t expecting it, that’s exactly where you are forcing it to go) and encouraging other people to do so? Over someone who has to use the phone?

Goodness, goodness goodness. Perhaps if you’d actually read my post you’d not be getting yourself in such an all-fired conniption fit.

You do understand that “getting in someone’s face” has many different meanings? Not all having to do with actual physical confrontation. And that beside the fact that I am not the poster who suggested “getting in someone’s face”.

Again if you’d actually read, and more importantly comprehended, my post, you’d see that I am talking about simple societal pressure. Something that once kept hooligans from behaving like hooligans when around enough people who wouldn’t put up with it.

A rule or social norm can be “enforced” without needing police, or violence or such.

And don’t hide behind this ‘Sophie Tucker’ con. You know full well you’re going to scream/threaten/intimidate as needed when the situation arises. You’ll escalate until you get a reaction, never thinking about whether or not it might be a very very Bad reaction. And what if the person on the cell phone has mace? A knife? A gun? What about those people who have taken martial arts extensively that you really shouldn’t startle from behind without major medical insurance?

Even back in the theatre thread, a thread that I started myself over a month ago, I said that I’d go to the Manager…not that I’d take the law/ theatre policy into my own hands and face down the girl on the cell phone…forcing her into a fight or flight situation. And theatre seats can exit from both the right and the left. Train seats have only One exit to the aisle, which you might very well be blocking while you are trying to ‘Teach a Lesson’.

Apparently you’ve gotten yourself in such a lather you’ve forgotten which poster you’re addressing.

I’m not the one who mentioned singing Sophie Tucker, I don’t even know who she is.

Are there any cops or law enforcement people who ever read these threads? Because I really want to hear one of them tell you all you are all 100% right to initiate confrontations on Mass Transit. (And don’t kid yourselves; initiating a confrontation is exactly what you are telling people to do.) I want to hear them say that Conductors have no responsibility for problems that arise on their trains. Oh, and that Transit Police are there just for show.

I wasn’t aware that conforntations (more than just one meaning there sweetie) were illegal.

If a group of citizens on a train are tired of hearing some bozo’s overly loud conversation and they tell him, ALL of them in a very united way, to cease and desist (or my personal favorite the “if you can’t shut up, at least be more interesting” way), up to and including making fun of him. That is CERTAINLY confrontation. The word does not just refer to the physical.

It’s not at all necessary to even touch the idiot. The social embarrassment for many people is MORE than sufficient to get the point across. As has been demonstrated in some of the other posters’ descriptions of similar incidents in theatres.

[CanvasShoes]

@CanvasShoes

I’m not the one who mentioned singing Sophie Tucker, I don’t even know who she is.

Sorry Eve, I know who YOU are of course, just not who Sophie Tucker is.

[Miller]

@CanvasShoes

Sorry Eve, I know who YOU are of course, just not who Sophie Tucker is.

I’m not sure if that correction will make Eve any happier.

[Skammer]

@Una Persson

Don’t look to me to confront Skammer as he talks to T-Dog about his new 20-inch spinners while Pirates is playing.

Wha?? What did I do? I haven’t even seen Pirates yet! T-Dog will back me up, yo.

[Clothahump]

@wm--

This is a tricky one. She may have been annoying you, and sitting down after you asked certainly would have been the courteous thing to do, but on the other hand it’s not like standing at a concert is an outlandish or even unexpected behavior.

I was at a Pixies concert last year and witnessed a similar argument. Just because the venue has seats doesn’t mean everyone is obligated to sit. Some people like to stand and dance at a rock concert and that’s not out of line.

That’s why they have aisles…

[askeptic]

@Skammer

Wha?? What did I do? I haven’t even seen Pirates yet! T-Dog will back me up, yo.

Did somebody do a vanity search?

[Anaamika]

I have confronted someone, only not over cellphone etiquette. Went to see LOTR:ROTK, and the dude behind me kept talking and snickering and kicking my chair. Loudly. During the quiet scenes! After about 20 minutes of this crap I turned around and hissed “I have been waiting a YEAR to see this damn movie and not to hear your mouth! Now shut it!”

He was quiet then until Frodo got stabbed by Shelob, at which point he laughed out loudly. Before I could get turned around again, though, six other people had shushed him irritatedly.

Shortly after that he left.

[Skammer]

@askeptic

Did somebody do a vanity search?

Well, I was on vacation for two weeks, and I wanted to see if anyone missed me

[Kozmik]

Very engaging rant, Larry! The audience in the theater should’ve applauded.
I wonder if the person at the other end of the line heard what was going on.

[SusanStoHelit]

I’m noticing an exciting new trend in theatres. I went to the new Pirates movie last weekend and the usher made an announcement that any cell phone that they saw in the theatre would automatically be assumed to be a camera-phone, and since it is illegal to record movies, the cell would be taken away and you would be faced with a $5,000 fine. And (as the beautiful, beautiful usher said) “this movie is good, but it’s not worth $5,000”

[Cat_Whisperer]

@SusanStoHelit

I’m noticing an exciting new trend in theatres. I went to the new Pirates movie last weekend and the usher made an announcement that any cell phone that they saw in the theatre would automatically be assumed to be a camera-phone, and since it is illegal to record movies, the cell would be taken away and you would be faced with a $5,000 fine. And (as the beautiful, beautiful usher said) “this movie is good, but it’s not worth $5,000”

Oh, yeah. That’s the good stuff.