A travel writing piece I wrote.

[Ithaka]

This is a piece I wrote for a BBC Travel Writing competition:
Yaya

I’m listed as one of 5 runners-up but according to the radio show (Excess Baggage) the judges said it was between me and the girl who won.

Let me know what you think, good or bad.

Also are there any dopers who work in the industry? Any tips on how to make some money out of travel writing? Ultimately I’d love to write a book but I’d write for magazines / papers as well.

[LibrarySpy]

Congratulations! I love travel writing, so I’m pouncing on this. Alas, I don’t know how you can make money on it, but getting honorable mention in a contest probably helps.

My biggest quibble is that you don’t tell the story actively. The tenses shift, and it feels like I’m reading something you did, rather than something you’re doing (which I know, I am, but still). The winner’s story makes use of dialogue to make the story seem more present, even though his opening paragraphs take place five years before the content of his story. Dialogue is the cheapest way to bring movement into a story. Your lone set of " " in the car scene is good.

Also, I think you could use less physical description, and more analysis. This could be my personal preference–I tend to seek travel books for political and personal introspection. I liked hearing about your childhood and the social structure of Nairobi more than about the market.

I think the last paragraph could be removed. Now, onto the positive drooling.

@in linked story...

Whilst most of the stallholders were male, the vast majority of the shoppers that surrounded us were women. They enthusiastically haggled over every purchase and, despite the battle of wills, every exchange was accompanied by bright smiles and laughter. One lady was in the process of filling a bag full of flour and I watched as her impressive chest swung with the movements of her arms. Like most of the women there she wore a t-shirt above a skirt of wrapped fabric, brightly patterned in swirls of red and orange.

That’s the passage I like the most. So much movement. And the recounting really picks up after that. Maybe more confidence in your writing as you go along?

Growing up I had no memory of my brief sojourn in Africa, but I was told plenty of stories about it.

I love that sentence. It’s completely personal, but it makes me want to ask, “What stories?” and wonder at your experience in Africa now. Which is a great lead-in to the second half.

And props. Now I know a travel writer, and that’s about the coolest thing in the world.

[Ithaka]

Thanks for you reply Rysler. I agree with your criticisms about the tense changes and lack of dialogue. You’re definitely right about the importance of the latter and its use in giving the tale more immediacy. I also agree about the last paragraph. The brief of the competition was a 2000 word piece on a travel experience that changed you. I included the last paragraph to make this change more explicit, but I realise now that this was an error. My only excuse is that I wrote the piece in a whisky-fuelled rush in order to meet the deadline!

What travel writers do you like? A few of my favourites would be Paddy Leigh Fermor, Paul Theroux and William Dalrymple, but there are loads of others.

By the way what does

@Rysler

And props

mean? Is this an Americanism?