After about two years and some change of going through all the proper channels and improper channels and mixed up channels and unnecessary channels with immigration, I finally got my notice today: **The Interview ** is coming up, on June 2. The one where every immigrant goes and stands before God and trembles, even while they’ve done nothing wrong, and awaits judgement. Will I get the Holy words? “WELCOME TO AMERICA, PERMANENT RESIDENT!” or will I get the Unholy words? “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” tremble
So, I gather all my necessary papers and pictures, evidence and ticket stubs, have my lawyer stand behind me to keep me standing straight and my husband by my side, and anxiously await my turn to be called.
I’m sure I’ll be fine, but it’s still exciting and nerve-wracking all the same time. I know I’ve been good, and followed all the rules, and did everything as they asked, but there’s still a part of me that scans my memories for anything bad I might’ve done that would count against me. You know, “Did I kick a puppy when I was five? Should I have released that spider instead of squashing it? I’m certain I’ve never pulled those tags off my mattress before… Oh, crap! I drank milk past the expiration date once! The taste was punishment enough, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it?!!” and other such minor worries.
All kidding aside, I am actually quite excited and happy. We’ve gone so far!
Don’t wish me luck, all I ask for is good karma and calm nerves.
Just hope some fellow countryman of yours doesn’t do something spectacularly bad the day before the interview.
“Effective Wednesday, all Persons From County _______ Are Hereby Ordered Rounded Up & Interned as Enemy Combatants or Sympathizers Thereof. By Order of his Commanding Dudeliness, GWB Rex.”
You don’t want to get to the immigration office just as that missive comes over the wire.
You might want to consider changing your “Location” tag until the interview is over. “Free Ballard” sounds a little too revolutionary to me (unless you’re campaigning for “Free Ballard Bitter”, an idea that I could get behind). Plus, the “Uff Da” makes it seem as though you’re in favor of the National Anthem being sung in Scandinavian, or something.
Remember, they’ll try to trip you up at the interview. Firstly, they’ll offer you French fries with a choice of (a) ketchup or (b) poutine [you should choose the ketchup]. Then there’s the final test: you’ll be offered a choice of coffee, Tim Hortons or Starbucks. It’s a trick: even Americans (yea, even Seattleites) know that Tim’s beats the undrinkable crap that is Starbucks. If you’re feeling bold, go for the kill and demand Tully’s. [They might just throw in US citizenship on the spot].
Best wishes! I hope that permanent residency ensues.
No, no, no. You’re thinking of the War of 1812, but it was buffalo pelts. The Revolutionary War was to decide how fast records would turn on a turntable.
