About the opposable thumb(s)

[Tibby]

@Sunspace

How the %€*^^|| are you getting a look at my sketchbooks?!!

Still drawing those mandible porn etchings, eh?

[LSLGuy]

Very creative there @Tibby.

@Tibby

Your mandibles could hold onto the burger and manipulate it into your mouth, while you type on your laptop. Productivity would skyrocket!

I’ve always thought it’s a shame we eat and talk with the same body parts. Imagine how much differently mealtime would go if we didn’t have to alternate chewing & yakking. Whether we’re having a quick working lunch for two or a big family all-day feast.

@Tibby

And last, but not least, the possibilities for foreplay and oral sex are endless.

But as foreplay tools, you’d hope they’re made of something a bit softer than teeth or carapace. My deceased first wife used to tell a tale of a law school prof whose go-to made up crime was “fellatio with a parrot.” That’s a vividly painful image. Ouch!

[LSLGuy]

@Sunspace

When I was in electronics school, having a couple of extra hands would have made soldering circuit boards so much easier: one hand to hold the circuit board, one hand to hold the electronic component I’m inserting, one hand to hold the solder, and one hand to hold the soldering iron. As it was, I had to awkwardly clamp things and hope they didn’t move.

Never ask for more prehensile appendages. That way lies failure.

If we all had 4 hands and arms, all our tools would be designed to use all of them, still leaving no spare hands to hold the workpieces.

And yes, soldering is one of the worst examples of multiple fiddly bits to position and two or three (don’t forget the solder-sucker) fussy tools required to do the job.

[Tibby]

@LSLGuy

But as foreplay tools, you’d hope they’re made of something a bit softer than teeth or carapace. My deceased first wife used to tell a tale of a law school prof whose go-to made up crime was “fellatio with a parrot.” That’s a vividly painful image. Ouch!

I learned the hazards of parrot sex the hard way. That’s when I earned the nickname, “stubby.”

But yes, perhaps the hard chitinous mouth-parts should be left to the rough trade crowd. The vanilla sex folks can put soft rubber rubbers on their mandibles.

@LSLGuy

I’ve always thought it’s a shame we eat and talk with the same body parts. Imagine how much differently mealtime would go if we didn’t have to alternate chewing & yakking.

That is an excellent point. Evolution doesn’t really result in the best form or function for species, just the minimal that gets the job done. We humans may think we’re Maserati’s, but alas, we are all just AMC Gremlins.

I’d like a crack at re-designing humans. I’m thinking something along the lines of a 175lb spider body with a hand (with 2 opposable thumbs) on the distal end of each leg. Our new heads will sport a blow hole to breath, a talking mouth (stealing your idea) and an eating mouth (with mandibles and proboscis) below that. You can order a higher end model that comes with spinnerets, so you spin webs (handy for finding dates).

Oh sure, there may be a few overly-squeemish folks who will think my re-designed humans are a wee bit homely looking (some may even say visually horrific), but we’ll get used to the new look in no time. Soon, we’ll be lusting after arachnohuman pinup girls—and with 8 shapely legs, that’s a lot of gams to lust after.

[Al128]

@Tibby

I learned the hazards of parrot sex the hard way.

iswydt

[ZonexandScout]

Nope, sorry. Prehensile tails are a feature of platyhirrine (New World) monkeys. Very unlikely for more Old World (catarrhine) types…