Abusive use of contractions

Neil Diamond song: I’m… I Said

This is Red Dog, Red Dog. Gray Squirrel, can you read me, o’er?

I mustn’t… I willn’t…

Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you’re

Contractions are one thing I never get enough o’.

I’m, I’m, I’m
I said I wanna get next to you
I said I gonna get close to you

Maybe I am and maybe I am’t.

Bad cop! No don’t!

(This is probably wrong.)

Its it’s!

Are too!

Amn’t!

The odd saint may be hallowed odd, but once a year he’s Hallowe’en.

It’s what it’s.

Repeated #10 you’ve.

Dam’n.

To see these occurring in nature, old Hong Kong action movies were a treasure trove of hilarious subtitles with brilliant contractions. I think it was one of the Better Tomorrow movies that had this brilliant exchange:

“You must take care of our father while I’m away.”
“I’ll!”

Some times they’re good … as in the following poem :-

When you shake the ketchup bottle,
None’ll come out, but then a lot’ll.

You can all go to he’ll!