Rambling, possibly pointless, need-to-get-it-down post follows
On Friday night John (not his real name) my neighbour of approximately 12 years, hung himself.
He left short note for his wife and then locked and barricaded himself in their garage so she wouldn’t find him when she got home from work.
John was one of those guys with an ‘interesting’ history. Lots of tattoos, biker gang connections from when he was a young man (he turned 50 last year), by turns stern, funny, generous and someone you would not want to get on the wrong side of. He worked shifts and was around a lot when the rest of us were at work. He kept an eye on our houses and my wife felt a lot safer with him in the street.
We knew there were family issues:
[ul]
[li]They were estranged from daughter #1 for reasons we don’t know;[/li][li]Daughter #2 is a drunk/hard drug taker. Her kids were abused by someone in her group house and custody awarded to John and his wife.[/li][li]Daughter #3 is a pot-head and general all-round oxygen thief and waste of space. Until recently she and her kids lived with John.[/li][/ul]
Maybe two months ago daughter #3 accused John of physically abusing one of her kids (AFAIK not sexual but hitting or mistreating the kid). As a result John and his wife lost custody of the other grandkids, John spent a night in lockup and then a few weeks living with relatives, he lost his job and there have been police/social services at their house a lot. In the past few weeks John has had his tyres slashed and sand poured into the fuel tank of his car – most likely by ‘friends’ of daughter #3.
We knew John as a good man who loved his grandkids and sacrificed huge amounts for their safety and well-being. Daughter #3 on the other hand is the sort of person who would eat a turd and claim it tasted like steak if it was to her advantage to do so.
Daughter #3 made the accusations after John gave her a ‘my house – my rules’ ultimatum about her not smoking dope in the house. The fastest way for daughter #3 to get out and into a cheap place of her own was to get into public housing and the best way to do that was to get onto the emergency/high-needs list.
Hence the abuse accusations. At least that is how we all saw it.
But now………… he’s dead a few weeks before a scheduled court hearing and I can’t avoid asking questions:
If he was innocent why kill himself?
Did he think he wouldn’t get a fair hearing?
Was the stigma of the accusation and all the ensuing crap he’s had to deal with just too much and he was so beaten down to the point of not seeing another way out?
Could we have stopped things?
He never got his day in court and given the people involved I’ll be remembering the good man I knew, but there is still that little nagging possibility that he did do what he was accused of, magnified by his suicide and the unwritten assumption that only the guilty would take that road.
It’s a shitty situation all-round and there is not much we can do for anyone involved…