Not sure if this is in the right forum. I never thought my life might be turning in this direction, but here I am. I decided a few months ago to begin exploring Indigenous First Nations culture mostly out of interest and to help me become a better teacher at my school which has a majority students of First Nations, Inuit, Metis background. It began as shall I say conventional professional development. But it really has struck something deep within me. I feel like I’m buying in personally. It’s vibing me. The cultural traditions I find human and healing. It’s been something I really never thought I’d feel. I was raised catholic, ended up rejecting it and becoming an atheist. I’ve done yoga (which vibes me, but not in the same way), and have often gone to our Unitarian Centre. I enjoy the centre more on an intellectual plane than a soulful one.
In the past few months, I have went to a pipe ceremony, seasonal sweat, pow wow, been part of our weekly morning smudge, have been given stones as a gift, and have smoked from the pipe, and even sang with our boys drumming group and attended a protest round dance. It’s been powerful. I find that it’s been filling a hole inside myself, that I didn’t know was there. For example, if I’ve had a bad day smudging myself with Sage actually helps me to let it go. And the sweat felt like me running a long race…but instead of physical and mental toughness, it was like an emotional purging.
I’m still a man of science…but I can’t get over this. What’s happening? What’s going on? I feel like I’ve been swept up into something I don’t understand. Can someone give me advice? Should I be second guessing this?