My sister recently found her Bio-pop, as she calls him. She has always known a little about her birth parents, and then finally at 68 she went looking. Her birth-mother had died, but Bio-pop was in his 90s and still very much alive. She went to meet him and his girlfriend, and was generally pleased. There was some drama with associated relatives, but not bad, and my sister kept up a casual connection with her Pop until he died in August. She’s pleased to have that piece of her life clarified.
I am also adopted, and unlike many adoptees I don’t want to know anything about my genetic creators. It’s more than no interest, I used to be really worried that some strange woman would appear on my doorstep saying “I’m your mother…” My mother and father adopted me at 4 days old and they are the only parents that matter to me, and their relations are my family. It’s more than enough for me, I really don’t want or need any more relatives and the complications that go with it all.
At the age of 6, my dad was adopted following the death of his mother and being abandoned by his father. More than 50 years later, he was contacted by his half sister Patti. Turn out my bio-grandpa had quite a life in Texas after leaving 5 kids to be raised by someone else. Dad is gone now but he and Patti got along great. I still e-mail with her occasionally. She’s a wonderful lady and just a bit crazy in the best possible way. Part friendly confidant, part co-conspirator, all class.
I think it’s natural and appropriate to be a little hesitant, and it’s good to go in with low expectations. The person you’re meeting may be awful, or they may want nothing to do with you, or they may seem great and interested but then not follow through. But it might work out to where you’re at least glad you met them.
I haven’t had quite that situation but I had something somewhat similar. Right after my grandfather died, a man called my uncle and started asking questions. Turns out grandpa fathered another son before he married grandma. My uncle was instantly over the moon; my mom and my aunt were skeptical, but their suspicions dissipated on meeting him. For one thing, there could be no doubt he was my grandfather’s son; he looked just like him. He even had his mannerisms, which is incredible considering they never met. And he didn’t want a share of the inheritance; he just wanted to meet us. He’s a nice man. He has a lovely wife and grown children with cute kids of their own. That was a decade ago; we still celebrate together over the holidays. Our family tree of living relatives is just a sapling these days, so it was wonderful to discover another branch.
So, hey, worst-case, you’re being cautious. Best-case, sky’s the limit.
My niece’s birth mother was trying to schedule a day she could meet her 8 year old daughter that my sister adopted. She said she just wanted to take her to the park to meet her siblings. My sister decided against it and the next day she murdered the other 2 or 3 siblings and their father. She had actually murdered the father the day before he tried to set up the meeting with my sister. This was about 25 years ago I think.