Sounds more like an invitation to call Sue “sweetie” or “cutie” while ogling her curves or find a new restaurant.
Most of my jobs have required me to wear nametags, and I HATE when people do this to me. I’m not saying this as an anti-social person; I enjoy most aspects of retail work and working with people. But if I haven’t introduced myself or had a third party introduce me, you don’t have the right to use my name. It’s creepy, even when other women do it, and it’s very often used by domineering people who want to imply that they have some sort of advantage over you. Fortunately very few people do it.
Sue isn’t doing this because she wants to be your buddy. She’s doing this because the restaurant suits have decided, in their infinite wisdom, that this is a way to make the servers seem more like real people to the diners. She is going to greet EVERYONE who sits at her tables with that same phrase, at least until the suits decide that a new greeting might bring in a few pennies more per customer. She doesn’t have a choice if she wants to continue working for that restaurant. Personally, I hate enforced familiarity, either way.
Again, the issue here is that the server or clerk is NOT offering his/her name by personal choice, but because the suits have declared that offering a name or wearing a name is a way to make the place feel more personal and less industrial. Same with flair…more than likely, a person wearing a lot of flair wouldn’t choose to do so on his/her own. And all of those old timey artifacts on the walls of Cracker Barrel and Black Eyed Pea are not just random items picked up from an old barn, they have been carefully selected to give that down home feel. It’s all a game.
I used to wear a nametag and I didn’t like it when people I had never seen before addressed me by name. I agree with those who say it is a forced familiarity.
Though I do (and I can’t tell you why it is different) call the person by name when it is a phone call. They say, “Hi this is Karen, how can I help you?” I usually say “Hi Karen, my name is Julie and I’m having an issue with my …blah blah…”
Never. Not one time, ever. As a cashier, I hate that people know my name, while I don’t know theirs. I understand why, and I accept it, but I hate it.
Joe
100% right, I think. My SOP in these situs, joking aside, is to call “Sue” “miss” (even if she’s in ripe middle-age) – as in, 'Excuse me, Miss, blah blah blah more fried dough please grin haha thank you."
IME this seems about right, given that many women seem to have an aversion to being called “Ma’am” up north. But what’s the alternative for a male server? I don’t think a male in his twenties or thirties likes being called “Sir” by someone about the same age – seems patronizing to me.
I have never really thought about this before.
I suppose I have come off as patronizing in the past.
Thank you for the perspective.
The only time I ever do it is at a place like Home Depot, when someone is spending more than a few minutes with me trying to figure out a solution to a problem. I’ll also introduce myself at that point - because it’s friggin’ creepy otherwise. I’d never do it with a cashier.
Each thread on this board has a subject line that provides a preview or summary of the topic to be discussed. This allows posters to skip over subjects in which they have no interest or no strong opinion.
It generally isn’t necessary for a poster to announce that he or she doesn’t give a shit; that’s the default assumption as long as you stay away.
Just a helpful tip. After all, everyone’s time is valuable!
Love,
Turnip
Ditto, though in my case, I do know people’s names. I don’t use them. Luckily I don’t have to wear a nametag, but I do have people ask for my name, and then use it over and over in conversation - then ask for me each time they’re in, etc… I dislike it.
I didn’t realize it was you! But, yeah, I’ve been there, on the other side of the name badge, and it’s still a real question of etiquette for me – what is one to do? I suppose it’s a question of tone – I still think about throat-punching some of the douches of twenty-five who called me “Sir” when I was a bit younger at some crappy job trying to make rent. Other people could say “sir” and it would sound sweet. Some older ladies could make it work, but by no means all.
I used to find it creepy as hell. I know my employer forced me to wear a name badge, so my name was hardly a secret, but it just creeped me the hell out if a stranger used my name to my face based on that.
I’m kind of surprised by all the negativity. I always thought it kind of respectful to say, “Thank you, Barry” or whatever.
Doesn’t sound like anyone likes it. Guess I’ll knock it off.
Now I just need to get my dad to stop calling people “sweetie” and “darlin”. I’ve told him before not to do that, and he has a hard time understanding why.
At least for me, if I were a service employee, I’d think that’d be fine. Tone matters much, though, you see. Some people have a way of trying to sound a name as though they were chewing through wood or attempting to give a chortle to their friends. But I do agree with your bemusement that many do feel imposed upon by the mere mention their names.
Something hasn’t been fully expressed in this thread, campp. Can we agree, campp that this thread should continue?
I come from a culture where using someone’s name is only done among close friends, so . . . no. I can’t even bring myself to address my boyfriend’s mother by her name.
For what it’s worth, while I’m not keen on the “thanks again (pause to read name badge) Eureka” thing, using my name once per conversation is fine.
Using it in every sentence is pretty darn annoying.
“sweetie” or “darlin” are moderatly annoying to me-- I don’t mind them so much from people I have a relationship with (read: co-workers or frequent shoppers), I do mind them from random strangers.
But again, once per conversation, no harm, no foul. Every sentence–I want to wring your neck. Especially if you use a repulsive term of endearment like “babydoll”.
For many of the reasons listed above, I usually don’t like being addressed by name by non-regular customers. However, it’s pretty easy to tell if someone’s being sincere or pushy when doing the “Thank you, <NAME>” thing, so I wouldn’t worry too much about how you’re being taken if you’re doing it to be nice.
One of the big reasons employers like name badges and/or giving a name in a spiel IME isn’t so that customers can address the employee by name, but so that the customer can refer to the employee if making a compliment or (more likely) a complaint to management or other higher-ups. “Our waiter Joseph was very rude” is a lot more helpful than “our waiter, a male with glasses, was very rude.” It’s the same reason a lot of places have the cashier name printed on the receipt; they don’t expect people to peruse the receipt to find the cashier name when checking out so that they can then say thanks, it’s so that there’s accountability if a customer comes back with a problem.
It’s a pain, though, when customers abuse it, reading my name badge then going through checkout with a $6 item and saying “Well, <name> in pharmacy said the price was only $3!”
Incidentally, for those who wish to make their pleasure known regarding an employee, it’s also a good idea to go to management or higher-ups. It’s nice to be thanked in person, but a plaudit told to a manager or a nice note written to the store regarding the employee goes a long way, and can help with performance evaluations, performance awards, promotions, etc.
No. It seems too much like something Chevy Chase (either as Clark Griswold or as Pierce Hawthorne) would do.
Of course if I get to know them a little I might then- a server or clerk at a restaurant or store where I go a lot for example. But that’s rare.
Waiters I usually do because it’s easier to get their attention by callig their name when I need them. Other than that, not normally.
You can avoid having me call you by name if you don’t act overly familiar with me. I don’t have a problem with people seeming overly familiar, as it cuts out all the useless small talk and ritual, but I do have a problem with you being familiar with me but expecting me to not be with you.
And, by “problem”, I don’t mean that it bothers me so much as that it is an instinct. It’s a problem in that it has apparently offended some people in the past.
Oh, and I consciously do it when I need to get a specific person’s attention. I find it less rude than saying “Hey, you!” or “Waiter!” both implying I think I am better than you.