Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but it irritates me when clerks and telemarketers call me by my first name.
Yesterday, I went grocery shopping, and paid by check. After the transaction was complete, the clerk said “Thank you, Lissa.” Huh? I did a double take. Did this guy know me? No, he had gotten my name off of the check. He shrugged and said that it was store policy.
Telemarketers do the same thing. “Now, Lissa, this is a special offer . . .”
I understand that it’s a maketing ploy. I guess it’s supposed to make you more comfortable and feel like you’re on somewhat friendly terms with the store or caller, but it has the exact opposite affect on me. I don’t necessarily want to be addressed in a familiar way by people I don’t know. I’d have no problem if the clerks would say “Thanks, Mrs. X.” I don’t like, however, a clerk calling me by my first name like we’re pals. As I said, maybe I’m old fashioned, and I’m expecting a bit too much formality, but to me, it almost feels invasive. What do you guys think? Am I alone in being bugged by this?
Nope, I agree whole heartedly. I can’t stand it when someone I’ve never met before calls me “Jason”. It’s mostly telephone solicitors with me, since I only rarely write checks, but it really really bugs me.
One way to solve this is to list your phone under a different name. Mine is listed under my last name, and my cat’s first name (he doesn’t have a last name). I’m waiting for the telemarketers!
“I’m sorry, he’s in the litterbox right now!”
“Oh, he’s hiding under the bed right now”
“Hmmmm. Sorry, he can’t talk right now, He’s drinking from the toilet again!”
My cat Zeke has a couple of magazine subscriptions. Just lately, he has been getting phone calls. He was offered a platinum VISA card by mail last week. I wanted to fill out the application:
Job–sleeping 20 hours a day and bathing myself with my tongue
Sorta lets you know who’s been selling your name around. Sorry for the slight hijack, Lissa.
Lissa, Hate it when that happens, I have a cure though, whenever someone calls me by my first name, I tell them that they are mis-pronouncing it. Every attempt that they make to correct it, I tell them something different, after a couple of attempts I stomp away in mock offense.
Slight hijack here, when I was in Jr. High School, some of us went with a church group on an overnight outing, the Pastor of the church was taking a roll call and called out “I need a cock” He had mis pronounced the name Ianeeta Koch (last name pronounced cook) poor girl was German, but she knew he meant her, hmmm, I still laugh when I think about it (20 years later!).
I know exactly what you mean. And what’s up with all the kids calling me by my first name? If it’s a close family friend, I don’t mind being called Miss Tracy, but when I don’t know them I expect children to call me Mrs. L. I love children, but I do not want to be considered their equal. Downfall of society and all that.
And would I sound like an old biddy if I admitted that I would like teenagers and even adults that I am not aquainted with to call me by me Mrs. L?
This is exactly the reason why I hate my dentist. You know what, I’m going to start calling her by her first name, instead of Dr. Jones. See how she likes it.
I’ll go you one better though. I just got off the phone with a defendant (I represent the Plaintiff), who addressed me as “Hon.” I kid you not - he did it twice!
I started noticing a couple years ago that the salespeople in department stores (specifically the Lord & Taylor/Hechts/Strawbridges/etc. conglomerate) will read my name off my credit card as I pay and say “Thank you, Mrs. Smith.” as they hand it back.
So what’s the problem? Well, for one, I’m not a Mrs. But it doesn’t bother me, because I figure they’re just trying to do their job and be polite.
Others catch that I’m not a Mrs., I presume by checking my left hand for a ring, and say “Thank you, Miss Smith.” I presume this means that they’ve been trained not only to process my purchase, and read my name off my card, but also to check my marital status? Again, I appreciate the thought, but it just seems a bit, well, forced. Although in this day and age, I appreciate attempts at politeness where I can find it.
**As to the OP, **
Yes, in many “commercial” settings/exchanges, I do think it’s inappropriate for people to use another’s first name. Although I’ve never figured out how to convey that. And I’m probably guilty of same - I generally do refer to my clients by their first name (after the initial meeting), but I have an ongoing relationship with most of them.
How about people who presume to shorten your first name? a la…
Alexander/Alex
Jennifer/Jenny/Jen
Emily/Em
'Scuse me?
or, as I saw in a movie recently (and plan to use someday):
Were you at my house on Christmas? [wait for “no”]
Then I guess we’re not family, so don’t call me X.
(Trying to fight creeping fogey-dom. Failing on days like today.)
Bravo! Sign me up for biddydom ASAP. For some reason, my co-workers enjoy bringing their children around the office (but don’t let’s get into THAT), and introducimg me as “Brian.”
It’s bad enough when the 15-18 year olds are calling me by my first name, but not half an hour ago, an eight year old (who I had never met) comes up and calls me by my first name.
Now, I’m not that old (31), but when I was growing up–in the liberal '70s–my parents would have had a fit if I had gone to the office with my dad and called his co-workers by their first names!
On the other hand, Whenever anyone calls me “Mister,” it still feels kind of strange.
Are the times changing that much? And if they are, whose fault is it?
Side note:
I did think it was pretty radical when I was in 7th grade and went to a private school. Policy was for students and teachers to be on a first-name basis.
When I was on-line, taking customer service calls, I was put on performance evaluations more than once because I felt uncomfortable addressing people by their first names unless they somehow indicated to me that I should. I felt uncomfortable about it because I know that I don’t like it.
When I pulled up a customer’s account I would use their full name (i.e. “Is this Susan Jones?”). If they responded, “yes, this is Susan”, then I probably would call her Susan for the rest of the conversation. If I simply got a “yes” or something like that, I would go Mrs. Jones all the way.
But, Lissa, you’re right. They do it to give that “we’re good friends” feeling. It doesn’t work - at least not in my case. But those places that have their employees call you by your first name are adamant about them doing it. Like I said, I got in trouble on many occasions for not doing it.
That’s another thing that drives me nuts. I am SUSAN. I am not now nor ever have been Sue, Susie, Susanne, or anything else you can think of.
It’s bad enough that someone you don’t even know is calling you by your first name, but then they call you by a nickname that you never even used. IRL, I won’t answer if I’m called something other than Susan.** The woman across the office from me will yell out “Sue” trying to get my attention. Somewhere between the 6th and 10th time she finally gets the idea and will call me Susan. Why she can’t remember my name from one day to the next is beyond me.
** there are two exceptions - My Sister and my best friend Lisa. Sis can call me Sue if she wants and it doesn’t bother me. Lisa calls me Susie the Doozey, how can I get mad at that?
At our grocery store they have to ask me how to pronounce my last name, since it’s not easy to say. I feel sorry for the people though, you know it’s some corporate dictat that is obliging them to salute you as you go out the door.
What I’ve done a couple of times is, when they ask “how do you say your last name” I answer “Smith.” Then when they look puzzled that it’s not the name on my check/store charge card I say “That’s not my check/card, I found it in the parking lot.”
Sorry about going a bit off from the OP…but I have a problem calling other people by their first name, even when they ask for it. In ten (gulp!) years in academia I have never been able to bring myself to call a professor, lecturer or sometimes even a graduate tutor by their given name. This has at times led to conversations like the following:
Me: Thank you, Dr. Heal.
Supervisor: It’s all right to call me Felicity.
Me: All right, Dr. Heal.
Reason? I guess, as working for a doctorate for far too long has brought home to me, you have to put up with a lot for that “Dr.” in front of your name, so subconsciously I think people like to hear it. Now that I work for the development office of an Establishment Institution, these earlier attempts at politeness have been excellent training.
Usually this bugs me too. But I once had an extremely cute golf instructer who insisted on calling me “Cyn”. Coming from him it sounded just like honey.
How about Hon, sweetie, sugar, darlin, Makes me gag.
Are we starting a ‘biddy’ club now? I hate when people I don’t know call me by my first name at stores, little teeny boppers calling me ‘Judy’. But, don’t ya just HATE sounding like a witch to say back, ‘please don’t call me that.’??
HOWEVER, on the phone, in my own home, it isn’t hard not to be so shy. My unhusband gets it worse though, his name is ‘Duane’ and they are forever asking for ‘Mr. DIANE’ Wright. I usually laugh and beg them to call back when he’s there, since he’s got such a nasty temper that I like to see it taken out on someone else other than me and the boys. I always get quick hangups!
