Ads No One Will Believe

This thread invites you to write an ad likely to make people a little skeptical.

Microsoft: The last software you’ll ever need to buy! No updates!

Bob’s Brussels Sprout Toothpaste: Kids love its earthy vegetable taste and texture

Ford introduces the electric Escort, an electric car powered by Mr. Fusion. Refuel every 25 years.

No ad, but if I right click to open this thread, I get an error that ends in address 947280/3. If I just click to open in the same tab, it opens fine, ending in address 947280/2. Explain that one to me in a way I’ll believe!
Windows 10, Chrome.

Farmessivity Insurance: We guarantee the lowest rate of any carrier, forever.
We can save you all that money because we’ve slashed our advertising budget to zero. You’ll never see another ad from us!

Monsamto. Once you’re all using our products, you’ll never be able to grow anything else!

The General. They’re not using the cheap CGI cartoon general any more, so they’re having random people come up to endorsement whore Charles Shackleford and tell him “We didn’t listen to you about The General because the commercials were terrible, but it turns out it’s a quality product!”

Whuuuut?

Leftovers! That’s right, don’t bother cooking dinner - just buy Grandma’s Leftovers! And make sure to clean your plate, or you won’t get dessert!

Audi, the most wonderful car made. Buy one new and drive it without maintenance. 2 years later, ignore that $3500 repair bill and trade it in for another new Audi. At 6 months old, don’t worry about that curb you hit at 40 mph and caused $4000 damage, trade it in for another new Audi. What, you have to wait 3 months for a new part because of a recall and can’t drive your new car??? The Audi dealer will loan you a BMW. Plus you get to bitch and whine about making $1400 a month payments for a car you can’t drive. Bet you can’t wait till you can buy another new Audi.*

*A cousin of mine is living out this dream right now.

Catabolic Brau. The beer that takes more calories to digest than it supplies. 8% ABV, 150 calories but requires 225 calories to digest. Rich, malty, and hoppy. The more you drink, the more weight you lose. PROST!

Vote for an HONEST politician! Jasmine for Senator!