I never thought about that before but I wonder how often that happens? Two gay men meet, flirt, decide to hook up, then discover that they are both “catchers” and neither are “pitchers” so the hook-up goes nowhere…(sorry for the hijack)
RIGHT?! She still hasn’t even mentioned the fact that she knows about it to him! I literally just asked her if she’s talked to him. Her reply? “No. I can’t even look at him. I couldn’t do it. I opened my mouth and nothing would come out.” So fucking LEAVE. Take your kids and go. That’s the absolute least she could do.
Shodan suggests I cut off contact with him and, as a consequence of that, with her. I think I need to cut off contact with both of them independently, him because he’s a sick freak and her because she’s so OMFG, RETARDED.
I like the idea of contacting The Boy’s parents but I don’t even know this kid. I know his (very common) first name, that’s it. The school shrink is familiar with The Girl because she’s sort of a delinquent (kind of starting to reevaluate why that might be) so maybe I can talk to that person and she’ll know which Boy I’m talking about? I don’t really care if they blame me or whatever. It’s a kid, ffs.
Just got another text from Donna: “I’m a fail at confrontations.”
Pretty sure you’re “a fail” at more than that…
Vinyl: Haha, I do that, too. Sadly, I’m not trolling. These people actually exist.
It’s happened to this particular BFF of mine twice. He’s never had a successful hook up; those were his only two attempts. He still has a fair bit of shame and guilt about being gay so he’s not really putting himself out there. I tell him to just be very open about his wants to avoid this sort of confusion but he’s not very assertive, I guess? Poor guy. It’s been very discouraging for him.
Hasn’t he committed a crime already by making sexually suggestive comments to a minor? Plus he’s done so via text, so there’s proof. Call the freakin’ cops! At the very least they should be informed. Make it anonymous if it makes you more comfortable.
Would Donna tell you the Boy’s full name? I do think telling his parents is highly in order. If you really can’t locate them, I like the idea of the school counselor. In fact, maybe the counselor should hear about this regardless, because it’s not at all clear if Henry is sexually fantasizing about The Boy or The Girl or both, and she’s very vulnerable to him, with Donna offering zero protection. Plus evidently he has a biological daughter with Donna as well? What a clusterfuck.
I also want to thank you for the bolded part. It’s sad how many people don’t have the gonads to adopt this attitude, and instead leave children hung out to dry.
I concur with the majority on this, it’s DEFINITELY creepy/pervy, and totally inappropriate behavior. 
And IMHO, something should be done. ‘The Boy’ bringing it to Donna’s attention, signifies to me that it was bothersome to him. Since it looks as if Donna isn’t going to deal with it, that would be all the incentive I would need to inform others of this. Just a thought, but perhaps the reason Donna told you about all of this, was in the hopes that you would be ‘the bad guy’ and do the reporting. That’s chickenshit of her, but at least she told someone.
I kind of like the idea of talking to the school counselor about this and getting his/her take on the whole situation, also the counselor might have a better idea of exactly who it should be reported to first, Child Protective Services or Law Enforcement.
You have my sympathy because it definitely ‘sucks, to be you’ at the moment. (No offense meant.)
They have a girl in kindergarten and the 14 year old.
I like the idea that she told me so I would be the bad guy. That makes sense. It’s not fair but it makes her seemingly nonchalant attitude make sense. Of course she’s not going to do anything because it’s only “weird” to her but if I freak out and start calling people, well, that’s out of her hands.
I called into the school shrink. And then my husband came home from work and I passed out for a “I’m sick + new baby, omg” nap and just woke up. She didn’t call me back anyway but I also didn’t have a chance to call her back and make my message sound more urgent.
I also heard from Donna again. She’s been “back and forth” all day on what she should do and I pointed out that she could be seen as complicit in whatever crime, if any, he committed. She said she’s basically afraid of losing him because she can’t raise kids alone and thinks she would be homeless and penniless. And she said she needs help and that she’d considered calling her parents but hadn’t. So I called her parents for her and sent them to her house. I’m not sure what happened so far but I woke up to a text from her that said “I think my dad [who helped raise The Girl when Donna was a young single mom and who I know is very protective of her; I adore Donna’s dad] is going to kill him.”
So it’s been reinforced again and again how horrifying and wrong his behavior is and I think that’s good for her. More phone calls tomorrow for me.
Oh, and with her dad involved now, I don’t think he’ll let her bury her head in the sand on this. So that’s good.
Not precisely what this thread is about, but does Donna know her husband is out looking for gay “hook ups”? I guess not since you only mentioned her finding gay porn as her evidence. She might be a little more ready to leave the guy if she did. Just saying.
She knows. She’s in denial. She could probably walk in on him with a man and deny it away because that best suits her needs. She thinks she “needs” him. She has a job and she was a single mom (just one kid, but still) for a while once already so she obviously can do it. There are government programs to supplement her needs if she finds she actually can’t do it on one income, but my family is single income and both households have the same shelter expenses (zero; both families are property managers and live on site at our respective properties at no cost) but we have one more child so, without any specific knowledge of her income and other than shelter costs I’m still pretty confident that she could do it alone.
I’m not sure why she’s so convinced she can’t.
Thank you for not failing that young man. He did what he’d been told to do by all the authority figures, tell an adult if someone does/says something skeevy to you, and Donna failed him by doing nothing.
I didn’t read through the op’s entire first post. I actually had to force myself to read as far as I did. I missed the gay porn. Now there’s a possibility he’s hitting on the boy. Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick. Silverfire may very well be legally obligated to report this to the police. I’d rather lose a friend who is messed up then read about a rape or suicide over this. Absolutely turn this guy in.
Wow, I don’t know how they do it but there’s an ad on this thread about spying on cheating spouses.
So she said she was going to talk to him. Quite some time later, I sent her a text asking how it had gone.
“Just great. He said we need to know what they’re doing. He was only trying to get The Boy to trust him. I told him he sounded like a criminal, that it’s not okay. He’s done parenting. He’s about done with me too. I told him good, be done.”
But he’s still there and she’s still there and the girls are still there. And I’m done trying to reason with the unreasonable so I’m just going to stay the course and follow through with what I planned on doing today and see where it winds up. I don’t have all the information and I don’t have any proof, but I have enough to work with for now and I have all the texts she sent to me about it so… whatever. She’s insane.
Oh, and I’ve gotten this same text over fights they’ve had in the past. He’s done trying to parent The Girl, he’s going to leave, she’s going to leave, blah blah. I don’t expect this time to be any different from any other time even though the issue is so much greater than, you know, whether to suspend The Girl’s cell phone for poor grades, or whatever.
They’re both crazy and I’m done. They can blame me, be pissed, whatever; I’m not going to be around for the fallout anyway. Donna really is going to do nothing at all about it. I know I anticipated that because that’s kind of how she is, but this is so much bigger than anything else that she has complained about. I’m shocked, dismayed, and disgusted that she’s letting it slide.
Sorry, just a little free thought post to lay it out for myself. How disappointing.
Omg, this is one thing I don’t doubt at all. Sick fuck.
I’m so angry.
[quote=“Shodan, post:11, topic:674350”]
Assuming this is all relatively accurate -
[ul][li]Henry is a creepy pervert [/li][li]Henry is probably guilty of sexual harassment[/li][li]Donna will pick Henry over you every time[/li][li]If you pursue this, it will wind up being your fault in the eyes of Donna and Henry[/ul]<snip>[/li][/QUOTE]
Agreed with all of this.
Maybe you could put it to her in these terms - she would have to work pretty hard to find a man who was worse than Henry.
Keep following up - be an advocate for The Boy and The Girl against the completely inappropriate and possibly predatory behaviour from Henry.
you beat me to it. Freudian slip on his part.
Holy fuck. Cool your jets. It was a joke!
Sorry drew, I’m a little on edge.
I’m sorry too. What I really meant by my “joke” was that the guy was definitely a problem, and the fact that he is gay means that while the girl may be safe, the boy needs protecting at the least. It wasn’t really funny or appropriate, so I’m sorry.
I’m glad you have done your due diligence and gotten people involved and alerted to this sleazeball’s existence. I hope your friend realizes what a service you have done for her and finds somebody better.