Yes, to me that sounds more like a spoiled child. I was a bit conflicted at the OP, really. However, I can see how some people may end up with these behaviors as a result of being bullied, but it doesn’t ring true for all of them.
Looking back at myself, there were a few odd things about me in the beginning (I’m talking kindergarten-2nd grade), but they seem so minor. The bullying from then eventually snowballed over the years because it was simply deemed “acceptable” by everyone to pick on me. Teachers would simply watch things happen to me and do nothing about it, and the students caught on to that.
I later managed to become friends with two of my bullies who weren’t there at the beginning. You know, middle school and suddenly there’s new people in the mix and they became bullies then. After three years they got to know me and decided to be friends instead.
They flat out told me, “I don’t know why I bullied you. It was just a thing people did. You’re actually really cool.”
Straight from the horse’s mouth on that particular one shrug Not all bullies are bullying for any reason at all. It’s not necessarily a response directed at someone’s lack of self-awareness in their actions.
I never meant to suggest that social skills workshops ought to be the only way schools should deal with bullying. It should just be one of a many-pronged approach, with punishment for kids who are actually bullying being another
I do know that I didn’t have the best natural social skills, but I also had a slightly older cousin looking out for me for several years. She kept kids from picking on me, but she also gave me a “shut up, already” look when I needed it. Her mother was my real mom in a lot of ways, and I got very depressed when they moved from New York, although I finally went to live with them when I was in high school-- that’s beside the point, though. The point is, for several years, I was one of those kids who didn’t get picked on, but didn’t stand up for anyone else, because I felt like I could be next in line if I didn’t keep a low profile. I also didn’t have any clout whatsoever, so there probably wasn’t much I could have done.
Anyway, it seemed like by junior high, people were chosen as victims for some mysterious reason, and then picked on for whatever was convenient. There was a girl who was picked on for being fat, even though she was just a little chubby, and there was a really popular girl who was much fatter. There was a boy who was bad at sports, and got picked on for that, but there was a boy with CP who was popular.
I went to a different school for early elementary, so I don’t know what those kids had been like in kindergarten, but by the time I knew them, they were really defensive. Now, you couldn’t blame them for that, but I don’t think taking away the bullying was enough. I think they needed help for the socialization they’d missed out on during the time they were being ostracized.
I was also bullied in school. From kindergarten all the way through year 12. I also have social phobia and had it back in school as well. I don’t know if I was bullied because of my social phobia or if I developed social phobia as a result of being bullied. Since leaving school way back in 1979 I have not been the victim of bullying.
Anyway, as a result I was never influenced by peer pressure and never made many friends. I would like to have friends though. I think friends and other personal relationships are what makes life worth living.
I don’t know if “learned helplessness” is tied to bullying. Sure, some people are the way they are because they were abused, mistreated or ignored when they were younger. Then again, some people are just jerks.
I think it’s a combination of many factors which can lead to someone internalizing a sense that they have no control over their environment. Or maybe it’s a learned behavior where they find that they can control their environment through a combination of bitching, whining, and emotionally manipulative passive aggressive behavior that causes other people to act on their behalf.
I’ve also met people who have an almost narcissistic sense of entitlement because of some trauma, misfortune or unfortunate circumstance. It’s like they feel the universe “owes” them, which gives the carte blanche to do and act as they please. If called on it, they will typically get defensive and fall back on “well I was blah blah when I was younger!”
Or maybe they were spoiled or overindulged and never learned how to overcome adversity to reach a goal or objective.
Anyhow, I try to avoid these sort of people. They tend to be black holes where no matter how much you try to help, it’s never enough. They will never help themselves and will only resent you in the end.
That really is a problem. Once you’ve been labeled as someone to be made fun of, there’s some inertia behind it. Even if there is some decent reason for why you are teased (like the licking kid Incubus mentions), merely changing what you do is not necessarily enough.
I could see how that could lead to someone thinking that nothing works, and thus they must just be a victim.
