Adventures of the Self-Taught Surgeon

[catsix]

First, wow, my dad is Vein Man. I don’t think he’s ever had a nickname before!

Second, you really saw a picture of that? Morbid curiosity is driving me to ask for a link, but I really don’t think you should post it on this forum.

[Pullet]

must dig around on my computer at home to find it, but yeah. All bloody and everything and it’s pretty apparent that the guy doesn’t mind. Don’t think it could be photo-shopped. I’ll email it to you, catsix.

Can I count you as a “Yes” in the Morbid Facination Poll

This is not a real poll. I know I’m not supposed to poll in this forum. Don’t hurt me, Moderators!

[picunurse]

@MercyStreet

I’m digging at a cuticle with a push pin. Sigh. If only I had a little home surgeon’s kit. Think of the fun I could have with a couple of scalpels, needles, and a truckload of catgut.

Infection? Complications? Bah. I’m gunning to be the author of “Home Surgery for Dummies.”

Isn’t that what SDMB is for?

I’ve had my fill of silly people who try to sew up their own injuries.
As far as the Morbid Facination Poll, I’ll pass. I’d hate to make you boys cry or worse
:eek: And I could. Indeed I could
By the way, a good exacto knife is a fair substitute for a scalpel.

[Dangerosa]

Why am I reminded of the birth control pamphlet of my college years.

It described many methods of birth control, their pluses and minuses. But vascectomy had: Do not have a vascectomy without consulting your doctor.

This forced us to invent the home vascetomy kit. Fifth of Jack, x-acto knife, dental floss.

[Pullet]

@Dangerosa

Why am I reminded of the birth control pamphlet of my college years.

It described many methods of birth control, their pluses and minuses. But vascectomy had: Do not have a vascectomy without consulting your doctor.

This forced us to invent the home vascetomy kit. Fifth of Jack, x-acto knife, dental floss.

pshaw. There are a dozen farm implements made just for this. My personal favorite is the Elastrator

Although, yours has the benefit of low cost. I wonder if that guy in the pic I saw was following your advice

[Queen_Tonya]

I can’t decide if I’m glad or disappointed this tale of home penile surgery doesn’t include pictures. :eek:

[Dewey_Finn]

@catsix

Sorry, it’s just so common in my family that I considered it more of a mild yuck than a disgustingly sick.

Common as in more than one person in your family did the same thing? If so, what’s wrong with you?

[Pullet]

Did anyone else find the idea of chisling out smegma pockets with a q-tip grosser than self-correcting the penile skin bridges?

[Ruby]

@OldBroad

Here you go: suture & surgery kits

Have fun

Disposible Scalpel unit

OK. If I understand this correctly, this company will sell me an extremely sharp object and they can’t even float for spell-check?

[Jenaroph]

@Dewey Finn

Thank you for sharing. You know, that’s why they created the spoiler tag. I’m going to go scrub my memory now.

I, too, am doing the Ew Ick Dance of Horror.

[KellyM]

@Dung Beetle

Long ago, when I worked at McDonald’s and had no money or health insurance, I had a wisdom tooth which was trying in vain to come to the surface. I was in agony for a few days, but one afternoon as I worked the drive-thru, I knew I just couldn’t take it anymore. I also knew the manager wasn’t about to let me go home, but I did manage to wheedle a bathroom break. I took the razor blade out of the boxcutter, sterilized it (more or less) with the flame of my cigarette lighter, and slashed my swollen gums open. Ahhh! Relief! Never had a bit of trouble with that.

In addition to extracting several of my own teeth using only topical anethestics (Oragel), I’ve used needles to drain gum abscesses caused by my wisdom teeth. The pus you get out of those things sure does taste nasty.

[catsix]

Dewey Finn said:
Common as in more than one person in your family did the same thing? If so, what’s wrong with you?

No, common as in more than one person in my family has done ‘home surgery’. Nobody else has had it go so horribly wrong.

[The_Wrong_Girl]

@catsix

My family does a lot of DIY surgery. Once though, my dad thought he was lancing a boil, found a ‘string’ in it, and pulled it out.

When the bleeding wouldn’t stop, he went to a doctor and found out that he had removed a four inch section of vein from his leg. The doctor, with good humor, said ‘I revoke your medical license! NO MORE home surgery for you!’

I love me a good TMI thread, but I have never read anything here that made me gasp and physically cringe away from the computer until I saw that. And yet I can’t stop reading!

Does digging out ingrowns count as self-taught surgery? Because two weeks after a bikini wax, I can spend an hour or two, easy, doing that every day.

[Kythereia]

I can do toenails, splinters, stings, shallow cuts, and loose teeth. Anything else requires a good physician.

You lot are just… whoo boy. wipes out brain of mental images

[Elysian]

Queen Tonya, did you know that the link you provided has a part where

(TRULY GROSS)

The guy eats his own foreskin!!!

:eek: :eek: :eek:

[lieu]

Oh gross! It’s not like a potato where that part would be loaded with vitamins and minerals.

Ugh. Just freakin’ ugh.

[The_Mermaid]

@Elysian

Queen Tonya, did you know that the link you provided has a part whereThe guy eats his own foreskin!!!

Now to be fair, it was only after a battle between good and evil.

[Alias]

@catsix

My family does a lot of DIY surgery. Once though, my dad thought he was lancing a boil, found a ‘string’ in it, and pulled it out.

When the bleeding wouldn’t stop, he went to a doctor and found out that he had removed a four inch section of vein from his leg. The doctor, with good humor, said ‘I revoke your medical license! NO MORE home surgery for you!’

WAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
:eek: :eek: :eek:

That is one of the most horrible things I’ve ever read. I can’t stop shuddering!

[Regallag_The_Axe]

@catsix

My family does a lot of DIY surgery. Once though, my dad thought he was lancing a boil, found a ‘string’ in it, and pulled it out.

When the bleeding wouldn’t stop, he went to a doctor and found out that he had removed a four inch section of vein from his leg. The doctor, with good humor, said ‘I revoke your medical license! NO MORE home surgery for you!’

Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad!
actually raeds post
Oh wait, maybe it is…

[Shagnasty]

I had an uncle that cut his hemorrhoids off with a pocket knife in a pasture. It worked out fine in the end. Sadly, I didn’t inherit the same surgical prowess as he did. The biggest surgery I ever did on myself was cutting out this raised, hard circular spot on the palm of my hand with a razor blade. After I started, I realized that the flaw went a lot deeper than I thought and I had to keep going, and going. By the time I got to the end I was pouring blood, sweating, crying, and shaking. It didn’t come back and my hand healed fine after a couple of weeks. Another time, I decided to remove this long raised mole on my lower back. I took a pair of nail scissors, stretched the mole, and snipped it off. As Og is my witness, I had no idea that a mole would bleed that much. By the time I realized that it was spurting, I had blood drops all over my carpet. It took me most of a role of toilet paper to get it to stop. I was so mad that I found the cut mole and roasted it with a cigarette lighter. There is nothing more appetizimg than smelling your own flesh medium rare.