Adventures of the Self-Taught Surgeon

I’m digging at a cuticle with a push pin. Sigh. If only I had a little home surgeon’s kit. Think of the fun I could have with a couple of scalpels, needles, and a truckload of catgut.

Infection? Complications? Bah. I’m gunning to be the author of “Home Surgery for Dummies.”

Bah! I’ve removed all kinds of stuff on my own. Like: Splinters, teeth, warts, some kind of squish thing that had a small peice of bone in it. And all without medical training!

Well, you might be pleased to know that when you purchase a Dremel tool it comes with a lengthy instruction and safety sheet.

Within the text, in very plain language is the warning not to use this tool for any attempted home dentistry.

It is repeated several times, and appears at least once, in BOLD type and all caps.

Geeze, I’m afraid to cut my own hair !

After a ski hit me close to an eye I was able to remove 6 of the 8 stitches with a pair of fingernail clippers. I got a veterinarian to remove the other 2. No doctor bill!

Do it yourself lobotomy for dummies.
Trepanning for beginners.

My family does a lot of DIY surgery. Once though, my dad thought he was lancing a boil, found a ‘string’ in it, and pulled it out.

When the bleeding wouldn’t stop, he went to a doctor and found out that he had removed a four inch section of vein from his leg. The doctor, with good humor, said ‘I revoke your medical license! NO MORE home surgery for you!’

*Within the text, in very plain language is the warning not to use this tool for any attempted home dentistry. *

Blimey! For real?!

Unnng GAAAAH! :eekz: That just gave me the willies!

Hal’s Guide To Getting Rid Of A Very Stubborn Infection Brought On By A Hangnail:

[li]Invert a can of compressed air. Spray liquefied coolant onto infected finger.[/li][li]Use scalpel (cheap, throwaway model stolen during last doctor’s office visit) to slice open now numb finger at the location of the infection.[/li][li]Rinse pus out of finger.[/li][li]Pour hydrogen peroxide into wound.[/li][li]Bandage finger.[/li][li]Have a beer.[/li][/ol]
Yep…did all that two nights ago. kittenlm hates it when I go into the bathroom carrying a scalpel, but hey, my finger feels a million times better.

Oh boy have I got a Live Journal Community for you. Home Surgery Tale The bio reads, "Well it all started doc when I found this box of scalpels…)

The community seems pretty dead though. I shudder to think whatever happened to Dr Frankensteen.

I think there is a lesson for us all there.

Thank you for sharing. You know, that’s why they created the spoiler tag. I’m going to go scrub my memory now.

Long ago, when I worked at McDonald’s and had no money or health insurance, I had a wisdom tooth which was trying in vain to come to the surface. I was in agony for a few days, but one afternoon as I worked the drive-thru, I knew I just couldn’t take it anymore. I also knew the manager wasn’t about to let me go home, but I did manage to wheedle a bathroom break. I took the razor blade out of the boxcutter, sterilized it (more or less) with the flame of my cigarette lighter, and slashed my swollen gums open. Ahhh! Relief! Never had a bit of trouble with that.

Here you go: suture & surgery kits

Have fun

Oh, man. I drooled over the “Suture and Surgery Kits” link, and then I forwarded to Mr. MercyStreet, who happens to be a med-school dropout. Here are Mr MercyStreet’s complete remarks:
You’re NOT getting it! (I had one in college - those scalpels are naughty)

I may have to go behind his back on this one with the old “Deliver to Work Address” ruse.

My favorite is the deluxe suture & syringe kit.

Don’t leave home without it.

Sorry, it’s just so common in my family that I considered it more of a mild yuck than a disgustingly sick.

I did the EXACT same thing. That was the greatest emotional swing of my life:

OW! OW! OW! OH MY GOD! Ahhh…so much better…

Does anyone else remember the Daily Show interview with the guy who pulled out all his own teeth and replaced them with polished rocks from the yard? Apparently, he needed to have a crown put on one tooth, but couldn’t afford it. His homemade crown looked so good…

It was a couple years ago and I can’t find the link.

In retrospectapost, rock teeth are not nearly as good as pulling veins out of your own leg, but pretty creepy.

How do you guys think Vein Man compairs to the people who voluntarily amputate parts of themselves. Or this one pic I saw of a guy jerking off with one testicle hanging outside his freshly sliced scrotum.

Begin Morbid Facination Polling!