Advice about medical phobia problem, PLEASE

In My Humble Opinion
1

Hmm… I’m trying to think of how to even put this question so that it makes sense…
Okay, imagine that you had a horrible, debilitating phobia about something. Then imagine that something went wrong medically that involved this EXACT PHOBIA. Basically, it would be about the worst experience you could go through, no matter how dumb it might sound to someone else. But THEN imagine that there was still more to deal with, and that you were afraid nobody would understand…

Okay, now that we’re all imagining that, here are the specifics.
I have a lot of vision problems and absolutely horrible phobias about them, which is a REALLY unfortunate combination. Basically, between a VERY high nearsightedness correction (whatever you’re thinking, it’s probably higher than that!) and optic nerve damage from an accident, my vision couldn’t be a whole lot worse and still be correctible to the point where I can drive, read, and get around. (I’m kind of amazed I can.)So, I’m blessed from that POV, and I’m grateful. :wink:

BUT…
I was recently under horrible stress and had a job with completely insane hours, and was also sick with flu, not drinking enough water, not eating well or sleeping, etc… I ended up with Keratoconjuctivitis sicca, or dry eye. I had to see an emergency doctor where I live. Now, as nuts as this may sound, I always still see my optometrist from where I used to live. That’s because I had awful experiences with optometrists for years, including one who ended up going to jail for molesting children (I’m not kidding.) I finally found one who was wonderful and willing to work with me. Trying to get my vision to 20/20 by piling on more and more negative diopters just does not work, and I’ve been through some nightmarish experiences in the past with doctors who kept trying it. It’s so much better, with all the close work I do, if I have a prescription I can live with, that’s maybe 20/40, and then wear overglasses for driving. That’s what my wonderful optometrist does.
BUT…
My emergency doctor that I had to see helped me a lot, prescribed medication, and has helped me feel so much better. The problem is that he also decided I needed new contacts, and I have to pick them up this week. I’m scared that I’m just going to have go through the same awful kind of ordeal I have in the past. I CAN’T DO IT. Call me cowardly or dumb or nuts or whatever… we all have our limits. I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it. If I end up overcorrected with advice to “just get used to it,” I can’t. I’ve been having nightmares for weeks about this.
I’m seeing my regular optometrist in August, when I go back to Minnesota for a visit. So what do I do if I get a prescription I cannot live with? Do I say, “I’'d rather wear the contacts I had before, because they’re very comfortable now, and then get a new prescription in August from my regular optometrist?” Do I run screaming and have a nervous breakdown? (I don’t think that would take care of the problem…)

Well, I hope this post made sense. I don’t know if I succeeded in really conveying the depth of this phobia, or if I even can, in a way that would make sense… but all advice appreciated.

2

IANAD. Let me sum up what I can from your post:

You are afraid of eye doctors. You trust your doctor back home, but won’t be able to get out there until August. You have bad eyes. You do not trust any doctor, except your doctor back home.

You recently developed a problem with your eyes that forced you to see a new doctor. You liked this new doctor, but are afraid that he is going to put you through the bad stuff you’ve been through with other doctors. What you want is for the new doctor not to give you new contacts but to give you your old contacts back with your overglasses.

You have reached a level of fear akin to paralysis.

Okay: here’s my advice. Make a plan, and enlist a friend to be your enforcer. Decide what you want from this doctor (my old prescription back), take your friend with you, and whenever you seem like you’re wavering, have your friend back you up.

Alternatively, take your friend with you (moral support), and have your new doctor talk to your old doctor, who understands your problems. Perhaps if the new doctor’s plan is as wacky as you fear, your old doctor could convince him of that.

I haven’t been through what you’ve been through, so I can’t tell you just to give the doctor a chance. But I think you ought to at least make sure that he’s planning to do something that hasn’t worked before you write it off entirely. August is a long way to go if your eyes are bothering you. Good luck.

3

I should probably clarify (I was afraid that post didn’t make sense!)
The original problem (of keratoconjuctivitis sicca, that is) has responded really well to Restasis. It’s barely bothering me at all anymore, and gets better each week. Knock wood-- I think it’ll go away completely once I get out of the work environment that I think triggered it in the first place. The contacts I had before are very comfortable again. The problem is that I don’t want to have to deal with the entire ordeal of changing to NEW ones right now when I don’t see any reason for it. The new optometrist isn’t saying that the old contacts caused the problem; he doesn’t know what caused it, and that’s usually the case with dry eye. Basically, I just dealt with a complete nightmare, which has improved a LOT, and I desperately do not want to immediately have to go through a new ordeal. I guess I would be willing to try the new contacts, but I desperately (sorry to repeat the adjective, but it fits!) don’t want to be stuck with them if they don’t work.

And yes, you’re right-- it pretty much IS a paralyzing fear! Having to deal with this problem just to THIS point feels like one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, which, believe me, is saying a LOT. I wish I could afford a nice course of psychoanalysis, but since I have about the worst possible health insurance, I don’t think it’s going to happen! :rolleyes:

4

Did you tell your new doc, “Hey, trying to bring my vision all the way to 20/20 with contacts really interferes with my ability to do close work, so I’d much rather stay with my current prescription,” or are you assuming that he’s going to insist on a stronger prescription because that’s what scares the hell out of you?

I know that for me, the outcome that I am most frightened of too often becomes the outcome that is OH MY GOD DEFINITELY GOING TO HAPPEN OH NO AAAAAAAAAAH!!! :eek: … regardless of how reasonable it actually is.
Anyway, my advice? Call your old doctor, tell him what’s going on. Ask him to give the new doctor a call and explain your history and what’s worked before.

5

I think the advice to bring along a friend for some handholding and possibly to shore you up if the doctor decides to ignore your statements is a good idea. But if your old contacts work, why go through it? As far as I could glean from your posts, your eyes are better, the contacts were not the cause, and you’re still satisfied with 'em. So call up the doctor and cancel - why bring more stress into your life? Then see your real eye doc in August to find out if you need new lenses.

6

{{{{Anise}}}}

I have phobias about doctors, especially eye doctors, too. It really sucks. I’m crying from reading your post.

Take a friend with you if you think that would help, or don’t, if the thought of someone you know seeing you screaming and having a nervous breakdown makes you even more scared.

Seconded.

And tell him that you’ve had nightmarish experiences with this sort of thing in the past, and that you have a phobia. Doctors are usually more sympathetic and willing to do what they can to help if you tell them straight out that you have a phobia.

7

Thanks so much for all the advice! :slight_smile:

I can see now that what I really should have done is brought up these concerns in the FIRST place, when the doctor was saying, “Well, now we’ll get new contacts!” But I just wasn’t up to it. I was an emotional wreck from going through the whole health crisis, and was really kind of just trying to hold it together. I think I need to say these things now. I should ask, “Look, do I really need new contacts? Is there a medical reason? My old contacts are very comfortable now, and my eyes are so much better. Can’t I just wait and see?” Also, I’ve already run up a BIG medical bill from all this, NONE of which will be covered by insurance, although that honestly is the least is my problems!!@ I was literally thinking yesterday that if someone had offered me a chance to not go through all this in exchange for my handing over, say, $10,000, I would have done it without a second thought.

I do feel better about all this now… it helps to share. :slight_smile: I know I have a real problem with this, but I’ve come a long way with confronting a lot of my other fears. I just turn into Psycho Kitty over issues like this, and I don’t know if I’ll ever improve! But the sun was shining and it was a beautiful day, and as I mowed a lawn I thought about my birthday next week, and how blessed I am in all my friends. I wish my vision was better (it isn’t-- and that has nothing to do with the latest medical crisis!) But it could be so much worse, and I am determined to look at the positive side of things.

8

Anise, I live in Nashville and I have had phobias myself and vision problems – although my phobias are not about optometrists. I do understand what it is like to have a phobia.

And guess what. I have the most adorable son-in-law who is an optometrist. He may not solve your problem this go around, but I’m sure he would be happpy to just talk with you and give you a chance to get to know him a little at a time.

If you would like to communicate with me, just let me know here and I will ask one of the Mods to forward my email address to you. Maybe I can help you through this one too.

(I’m a retired high school teacher.)

9

One thing that may be reassuring to you: I’m reasonably certain that if the new ones don’t work, you won’t be stuck with them! The doctor has to make sure that the new ones work for you. You may have a trial period. And you still have the option of going back to the old ones. Just keep reminding yourself that you are not giving up that option.

If it makes you feel any better, I had a fear of flying that lasted for over thirty years. I didn’t fly at all. Last year I got on an airplane and flew to Paris without any panic at all. I don’t know if it is the medication that I’m taking or the therapy that I’ve had for many years. I wish I could share the secret. Part of it, I think, was releasing the need to control.

10

Moved to IMHO.

-xash
General Questions Moderator

11

Anise, I’m sorry honey. None of that sounds like fun.

Seriously, your doctor isn’t there to force healthcare decisions on you. YOU are the one with the final say, and NO-ONE can make you do anything you don’t want to do. TELLING your doctors and optometrists exactly what you want and need makes their jobs easier, not more difficult. They’re not going to fly off the handle at you for questioning them, they’re going to appreciate you telling them important information.

The idea of having your old doctor phone your new one is excellent, as they can have a nice professional discussion about your case and work something out together. Also, having someone with you, and writing everything you want to say or ask down always helps.

You are not a passive player who must sit and accept things being done to them, you’re an active participant, with years of experience in managing your condition. If you’re happier with a certain way of managing things, tell them.

On the off chance, if someone does say “YOU may well think that, but I always do X, now just sit back and relax…” or something in that vein, simply refuse to submit to anything you feel is unacceptable. It’s not only your right, but it’s what you’re SUPPOSED to do.

12

Zoe: Thanks so much for all your advice! Yes, I’m very interested in finding out about your email address and son-in-law optometrist. :slight_smile: I do need to have someone here since I’m going to be here for at least another year. I have a neuroopthalmologist here, but I have to make appointments WAY in advance for him, and there was just no way to do it for this emergency.

I do have to keep reminding myself that I have SOME kind of say in what happens now. I had so many awful experiences with optometrists as a child (mostly because I was always taken to the cheapest place, and with the visual problems I had, that was NOT the best option!), so the same old behavior patterns keep carrying over, I guess. (And that’s the basis for therapy!) I think I’m over the worst of the panic now, but I have awful visions of having a panic attack, fainting in the middle of the optometrist’s office, and having to be carried out. If all else fails, I guess I COULD always do that. :wink:

13

I’m sorry to be so late in getting back to you! I got a little distracted.

I will send my email address to a mod and ask her to forward it.

Glad you are feeling calmer! (I know that phobias are not things that we can be perfectly rational about.)

14

Thank you so much, Zoe! :slight_smile:
Well, I’m going to stop avoiding returning calls and just call the optometrist’s office tomorrow, and I think I’m going to ask what I should have asked before-- if there’s really any actual medical REASON to get different contacts right now. If there ISN’T, I’ll ask if there’s any way to hold off for a little while and let me just recover (psychologically, that is) from the LAST ordeal, since I have plenty of my previous contacts left and they’re pretty comfortable again. I might mention all the panic attacks in the past two weeks whenever I’ve thought about having to deal with this, including one where I couldn’t breathe and almost fainted (really! Right in the middle of somebody’s lawn, too.)