Hey Eva … Any chance I could bend your ear a little when and if the time comes too? (perhaps thats a bit rude though :eek: don’t mean it to be so).
Sure, but I don’t have my e-mail posted. Just post a GQ, and I’ll take a shot at it.
Thanks Eva Luna not in need of advice yet, but may do (hopefully) in the future.
Thank you 
Rhino’sHoney, I’m neither Eva Luna, nor am I a professional in the immigration field, but… having been through the process, I created a website with a lot of links and information, as well as a checklist that turned out to be a godsend to us when we went through the process! I just went and updated all the links to the new BCIS website and there are, of course, tons of disclaimers on the pages, but you may find them useful at least as an overview of what to expect. And perhaps if Eva has a moment to peruse them, she can let us know if there’s any dangerously erroneous information on them.
Thanks for the offer! As it is, it looks like I might need a Dutch immigration paralegal, though. 
Actually, the Dutch procedure isn’t that bad. We qualify, the rest is paperwork.
I was in a LDR for almost three years. For the most part it was not bad, I am a pretty busy person and I’m good at distracting myself. I did get pretty lonely at times, but mostly because I didn’t have too many people to hang around with here (that has since changed.) We also lived together for a few months towards the beginning, and there were times I spent a week or two (or even a month) up with him. This was about 2000 miles. I ended up breaking things off when he left the continent and could not tell me when or if we would ever be together again. It’s not so much the waiting as it is the lack of a forseeable end to it.
Now I’m in a LDR with someone who lives about a three-hour drive away. I actually like it, because I have plenty of space and since I am busy I don’t have someone wanting me to ignore all the stuff I need to get done every day. Plus sometimes I really want to get out of town, and it’s nice having somewhere to go. When you drive almost an hour just to get to work every day, three hours to see your sweetie is not a huge deal at all. Maybe eventually I’ll want to live closer, but right now it’s too early to tell and I’m not worried about it. I love to travel and I love to drive (and I have a cellphone with free long distance on the weekends and at night!)
I had two awful, dreadful, terrible LDRs… loved them unbearably and just couldn’t not be with them.
This one, as long as I can talk to him every day… I don’t even feel the distance. It must be true love We’ve been going for seven months now.
Courage. People will tell you that it has to bite, but it will only bite if it bites, if that makes sense. Well, whatever, the point is it’s not doomed just because it’s long distance, and don’t let anyone tell you it is.
Well, I am about to be coming out of the long distance part of a relationship, and I’ll give my experiences. I think its going pretty good. We both know that we don’t have plans to marry or anything, but we do know that we want to be together more and deserve a normal relationship. She lives in Germany. But our circumstances are different.
First, its going to be weird after two months. No matter how much you love her, it won’t be like it was when you were together. Every time you meet up will be like a whole new relationship in a weird way. It’ll be akward for a few hours, so be prepared and know that it is normal. Don’t force yourself into kissing when you first see her because it will only reinforce how unnatural it feels.
Second, I agree that there has to be some point where you plan on having a normal relationship. I won’t say that they don’t work, but relationships over long distances with no end in sight won’t work. But I don’t think that’s what you planned.
Third, you have to have some reason why she is more special than other girls around where you are. I don’t know if you are an American in Tokyo or what, but if that is the case, and if your gf is American that would be something.
Fourth: Having a long distance relationship is in a way, kind of painful. Either you love and miss the person and are sad, or you have to forget about them and get on with your life. I found myself going between these two things. Eventually you won’t think about them everyday and you’ll find a way to pull you life together so you can get on and not be sad all of the time. This is a possibility. This is where you risk falling out of love. On the other hand if you think about them too much you’ll tend to drop the bad parts of your relationship from your memory. In a way you may want to be more involved that you probably really do. I spent time with my girlfriend around two weeks every two months, and at times it felt like we were married. We are both realizing that its much less serious now, so its better. But don’t put on your rose-colored glasses.
Also depends on your respective ages. Kinda feeling like its your last chance at a spouse, or is that not even in your ballpark?
I guess it would depend on how you define ‘worked out’. Because it didn’t lead to a lifelong marriage commitment doesn’t mean the relationship was a failure. If it did, almost all of our relationships would have to be considered failures.
I’m in a LDR. My sweetie is getting her PhD on the otherside of the country. It’s true, it is tough. And we do have an eye on a day when we live in the same city again. But we talk a lot and see each other about every month (on average). It’s expensive, but the alternative sucks.
We’re helped by the fact that we’ve known each other for many years before we actually hooked up. So we already know each other and a re comfortable with each other (although there was still an adjustment when we became romantically involved)
This bears repeating, I think. Long-term relationships always get the positive press, but the value of short-term relationships shouldn’t be judged harshly by it. Something doesn’t need to be lifelong to have been very valuable.
As for handling LDRs, what everyone else said. Expect to hurt–I don’t know that it’s necessarily worse hurt than occurs in non-LDRs, just a different variety of it–expect periods of awkwardness, communicate, be honest, be realistic about where things are going in relation to where they’re at now, etc. It’ll “work out” or it won’t, and oftentimes predicting which is like predicting what the weather will be in three weeks–you can go say in broad strokes based on past experience, absolutely, but the specifics happen as they do.
Did you become romantically involved after it became long distance? Just curious.
Actually my situation is way more complex (and messy) than I wrote in the OP. (If you really want the gory details it’s over here). But we do know each other well so that’s a start.
So you’ve decided!
Having, recently (within the past few months), had an online friendship turn into an LDR, I have to say, I find this thread interesting, and, in many ways, encouraging.
I’d second everything that’s been said about the importance of communication - the importance of being open, and honest, and unafraid to discuss things. And I think you have to be aware of the limitations of the medium … with the best will in the world, if you’re only able to communicate electronically, there will be misunderstandings and breakdowns in communication … you have to be ready to deal with those.
And I think, as Eva Luna said, you have to know that the “long distance” part is going to come to an end … that the two of you will be together, sometime, somehow. (And, needless to say, the sooner the better!)
It’s tough. I’ve described the whole LDR thing, to a sympathetic friend, as “twice the angst, and none of the body contact” of a normal relationship. But with goodwill, and effort, and love on both sides, it will work out.
Well, like I said earlier, there are still some obstacles we need to overcome (practical stuff, but important). But if it all works out, then the Netherlands is a more logical place to settle down than the US. Reasons:[ul][]LA, as you know, sucks. :)[]I have a steady, well-paid job here, as well as a house, a car, a motorbike. My girlfriend doesn’t own a house, and has less stability in her work life.[]If I move to LA, I HAVE to have a job rightaway, as you need one car per person there, and life is just too expensive to do it all off one salary. No such need in Amsterdam: while she would of course start looking for a job, it would be no big deal if it took her a few months to find one.[]Holidays! If I move to the US and start working, I get what, 10 holidays a year? Over here, it’s more like 30 or 35. Quite important if you leave all your friends and family behind: you’re going to be flying back and forth at least twice a year. It would be nice to have some more holiday time, besides being in the Netherlands at Christmas, you know?[*]Various other stuff, like health care, economic stability, that sort of thing.[/ul]Plus, everybody speaks English here, and no one speaks Dutch in LA.
Oh, and good for you Steve! Congratulations. Anyone we know?
Ya got me sold, Clog Boy! Will you marry me? 
(Or: Do you know any nice, unattached Dutch grrls? )
I’m lucky in that my LDR isn’t quite as LD as some of the examples. Dublin to London isn’t too bad, and even though Ryanair suckes the big fat one when it comes to service, I grin and bear it for the stupidly cheap flights.
It hurts to be apart. It hurts not to be able to see each other whenever we want.
I probably spend more time communicating with Tir than any of my frieds to with their local girls. Between phone, text messages, e-mail and chat we are always talking. I fly to London as often as I can.
stick it out. If you know what you want, go for it and don’t let anything stop you.
One more thing: in Holland, you could marry me, legally.
Plenty of Dutch girls about over here. Why not hop over for a visit sometime?
This is the link I mentioned re internet telephony:
http://www.innomedia.com/consumer_products/infoaccel/index.htm
I hear The Netherlands is a wonderful place to live; someday I’ll check it out. A bunch of grade-school buddies of mine went over there a few years back to start a Chicago-style improv comedy theater, and apparently none of them ever want to come home. One even married a nice Dutch girl and seems to be living happily ever after. Go check ‘em out at www.boomchicago.nl, and if you go to the show, tell ‘em their old buddy from Mrs. Ganja’s class at King Lab (the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Experimental Laboratory School) says howdy! Your girlfriend can go there for her fix of American culture. (And no, I’m not making up the name of my fifth-grade teacher. She should live in Amsterddam, shouldn’t she?)