Advice on a tense job situation (long and venting!)

In My Humble Opinion
1

I had a blowout with my boss today over an email I sent to him and his direct manager, and I am worried about how the next couple of weeks are going to pan out - so any suggestions, particularly HR-wise would be helpful.

So, I’ve been in my current role around 18 months, and since around June last year I have been ‘promised’ a re-grade of my role. This formally happened at my end of year performance review in Sept, at which time I was told I would need a little staff management experience - at least 3 months - I’ve now managed a couple of staff coming up to 7-8 months.

Our team has a huge amount of work on right now - almost all of it in the implementation phase, which is my job, and I have been working long hours and juggling multiple projects (including covering for a co-worker for 6 weeks). I got a good performance review (but not a good bonus, my boss told me I ‘got screwed’), and we have regular chats about they are ‘working’ to get me more salary. Incidentally, my current staff member is paid $4K less a year than me.

So…we’ve been good friends outside work until recently, although their recent attitude at work has made this harder, and we haven’t talked much in a couple of weeks. Last night we went out for drinks with the team and shared a cab home and talked about work - how they threatened to resign the other day as they have too much on, that they are aware I am taking on a lot, that they have complete faith, but that I should let my boss know if I was not coping, and that I should only focus on the key projects. This is going to be a huge next 3 months for me regardless.

I told my boss that I was not resigning just yet, but I was at the point of needing an answer on the salary review, and if it wasn’t going to happen by a deadline I had in my head, I was going to have to look elsewhere for a job. My boss said, over their dead body, and that it’s ‘in train’ - will happen in March, and while it’s taken a while to get the senior manager to agree, they are now a fan of my work.

So today I had lunch with a couple of friends from work who know the situation - I told them about the conversation, and one,in HR at my company said I should document this (it comes at that we have been seeing my boss exhibit some bullying behaviour and non-professional conduct which is disrupting the work environment). She suggested it be ccd to his manager, since they apparently know about this.

So, I did - got my co-worker to proof read it, and sent it on. Basically covered the previous promises made, that I was glad it was finally going to happen and I didn’t want to leave but would probably do so if it didn’t happen (which I am prepared to do), and thanked them for their support.

The reaction my boss gave me was quite an eyeopener - “What the fuck did you do that for? What the hell’s going on? Don’t you trust me? You’ve ruined everything, you don’t hold a senior manager to ransom, it’s taken me forever to get [senior manager] to this point, now you’re back at square one, I would have expected more from you, if you wanted to document you could have just sent it to me, no need to send to [senior manager]…etc”. This was publically done in an open plan office.

I said to them, as I had done the night before, that I have been screwed over with promises before, and that I did it simply as a housekeeping thing. I left tonght by saying that I had not done it to piss my boss off and to have a good weekend, and my boss said they would sort it out.

Now, I can accept that perhaps I could have made a mistake in drafting the letter, although my colleague has since told me they think it was gentle, polite and non-threatening. She’s talked about it with another friend, also in HR, who also thinks what I have done is entirely appropriate.

Between 8-10pm tonight, my boss has sent me and this colleague 4 text messages and 3 phone calls requesting a catchup early next week wanting to be presented with a huge amount of post implementation review work and 6 month plan ahead including financials - hard to do in the timeframe. This was not required at 6pm before they read the email.

Note that they seem to be including my colleague in this - while we are close friends and work on this project together, my boss has no reason to expect that she knows about what’s going on. My colleague (also previously very close with this manager) is prepared to resign on Monday based on the past few months in the office, this situation and the subsequent fallout. We have reason to expect that my boss is going to tear us into shreds (based on previous experience!)

I’m going to have a great weekend I think! I am unsure at this point of whether the offer to me was ever really known by the senior manager, whether I’ve blown it now, was what I did really that inappropriate, and what if anything I should do from here on in.

I guess I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong (although my boss is obviously furious), and I was going to act like nothing has changed, keep my head down, my nose clean, and my CV updated in case I’m told to walk. (Note that this stituation is in Australia, and no termination without cause).

Suggestions? Advice? Job Offers?!

2

It really depends on what was in that email - it would be helpful if you could post it (with any identifying information cut out of course). It sounds like your boss reacted very badly to it, which doesn’t quite gel. Why would she be scared of having something like that in writing or sent to management if it was only a recap?

3

Start interviewing. She’s been rolling you and you’ve called her on it. Your colleague’s behaviour should be a big clue. As for the immediate term, you should respond to her asking what other work you should drop to make way for the work she’s just asked you to do. If there is no other work, point out the time required for each part and ask which parts she’d like you to do.

4

I agree with this–it sounds like you sort of called her bluff and now she’s going to have to explain herself to her bosses. The rest of Quartz’s advice is great, too.

5

Sounds to me like the manager was lying out their teeth - Manager has not been discussing a salary raise for Girl From Mars with Senior Manager, and when Senior Manager got a (polite) email saying, “So, I just wanted to recap our conversation from last night where you said I was getting a raise in March and Senior Manager is on board with this.”, Manager freaked out. Senior Manager, obviously, said, “Wait…what?” (only in managerspeak) and then, “Well, uh, maybe we could do something…but don’t you think I should see her work and her business plan first? Have them on my desk Wednesday and we’ll talk.”

IOW, Senior Manager’s doing his job, but Manager isn’t, and Manager has just been outed. Manager has been making empty promises and shouting at their staff instead of actually managing, and has been caught at it. This makes Manager cranky.

Girl From Mars, I’d go in prepared either way. One of the two of you is not going to be happy at the end of this meeting. There will undoubtedly be some “restructuring” going on. If Senior Manager is good, then Manager will be losing their job. If you go in unprepared, then it may be you losing your job. Stay professional, have everything Senior Manager could possibly ask for and then some, and don’t, whatever you do, appear to be backstabbing Manager. Supreme innocence at all times, but the more documentation you have (emails will work) about past promises that never transpired, the better.

6

Thanks all for the feedback - that I have been sold a line seems to be the consensus here among those who know all of the finer details; I wish I was wrong because I did consider him a friend.

Anyway, the letter is at work, but I pretty much remember how it went:

In retrospect perhaps I shouldn’t have put the ‘threat’ of leaving in. I am normally passive aggressive, and wouldn’t have said anything but just fumed quietly, and I was planning to find another role if I hadn’t seen anything by April 1 - I thought that if I didn’t say anything, I’d get to my deadline, find a role and leave, without giving them the chance to make good.

So, OK, I’ve probably been a little gauche with how it was worded, but I am an honest person and I wanted everyone to be aware that that was how I was feeling. He has apparently told senior manager in the past I am a ‘flight risk’, so I didn’t think it would come as a huge surprise.

Some very good advice above - will stay innocent and hardworking, and also keep on top of all projects, and not let some slip because they aren’t important - I can see how that could be used against me.

Additionally he’s regularly told me to take a couple of days off here without claiming them and there when I can, as ‘it’s the only thing I can do for you right now’. Problem has been
I am too busy to take time off - I’ve tried and either come back to more work, or been called in. But unaccounted for leave doesn’t sound a good idea right now.

I hopefully only need to get through Tuesday - he’s on an offsite Monday, and away for a week holiday on Wed, so I’m just going to be the proverbial tar baby and take all the punches. I will be documenting things for a few weeks though just in case.

7

This is one of the things I am angry about - I am purely executional - I don’t define the plan of work, or when it gets done - so I don’t have to ever prepare a 6 month road map, as the others in the team do this - I just get measured on how well this is done, and within budget/timings etc. He’s calling in one of the others in my team into this meeting to present (with me) the 6 month plan, financials etc - which would require a huge amount of work from her and we can’t work out why she’s suddenly in the gunsights about this now. We are close, and he’s been irritated by what good friends we are - accuses us of ganging up on him, going to too many meetings together and called us Whinger #1 and #2 last night (before the fallout). She does know about the whole thing, and I guess he could suspect she has and idea, but absolutely nothing tying her to this at all.

She’s of the view that this is just more bullying, and she’s had enough, and wants to go to senior manager on Monday to discuss. I think we don’t have enough formal evidence (lots of stories which can sound like us bleating, but I don’t think that’s enough yet).

I expect regardless SM might want to talk to me on Monday, so just preparing for that as well.

8

Ah yes - everything’s been verbal, and said in an after work setting (we live close and he gives me lifts home sometimes). That was one of the reasons I did this, to finally have it on the record. The other piece of HR advice from lunch was to stop socialising, and I’ve since ‘rainchecked’ on he and his wife (also a friend) coming around to dinner next week - sorry, a friend’s in from out of town…

9

Oops. Get ready to tender your resignation.

10

Once you threaten to leave a job its almost always an irreparable situation. You will be viewed as disloyal, and likely will be passed over for promotions and the first to go in layoffs. I’d recommend looking for another job, unless there is something keeping you wedded to this company.

11

I guess my past service is going to have to be my cite for my attitude to the company, which has always been above and beyond, and willing to do anything for the team. Still this is food for thought - the senior manager is probably not someone I would like to make an enemy of (which I probably have). In saying that, it’s a hard company to get rid of someone from - there is a team member from our team who has been given their final final final 3 months warning (been going on for a year) dispite a history of underperformance and misuse of company cards.

I’m preparing myself to be told to resign, and I have a plan in place should that happen, and if it’s not that bad, that’s only good news.

12

What’s that saying - what have you done for me lately? I think the only error you made was threatening to quit. And maybe not expecting your boss to be pissed that you have gone over his head, whether he was lying or not. I’d be looking for a new job regardless - this sounds like an untenable situation that your honest efforts have made worse (through very little fault of your own - if it wasn’t this, it would have been something else at this job, I think). I’d write this one off as a bad fit.

13

It sounds to me like you stepped on someone toes.

I am not very good at office politics but I would take a second look at the “hr advice”. Is that person/people really trying to help you or using you to get senior managment to take a second glance at your boss?

I hope you were not a pawn in someones bigger plan.

14

The HR friend giving you “HR advice” is a complete idiot. Stating in writing you would probably quit unless things started going your way was (quite frankly) a bone headed move on your part. Regardless of how perfidious your manager may be, he’s right about one thing, you’ve effectively backed him into a corner. While you may think this is OK and the senior manager will see things your way because you’re so darn hardworking I wouldn’t bet on it.

Even if they keep you employed in the near term to get some massive grunt work project completed they need you for, I don’t think your advancement possibilities are particularly bright. At certain managerial levels you need to start using finesse and be politically aware and astute if you want to advance. Bringing an overt and explicit (or else I quit) cudgel to the table to make your point will usually only work if you are virtually irreplaceable, and it marks you as someone who (tempermentally) is not really management material or a good long term bet

15

In every office where I have worked, this written declaration would have been viewed by management as extortion. (I do not agree with that view, but perception is 99% of everything in an office.)
The only possibly worse scenario would have been a declaration that you had found a job, already–unless they wanted to beat that offer.

Throw in that you copied your boss’s boss and you have just painted a huge target on your forehead.

You may, indeed, work for a complete jerk who has been playing games, but you have just handed him a big CYA regarding any action he takes against you.

(Live and learn, I guess.)

Your HR “friend(s)” demonstrated an abysmal ignorance of U.S. corporate etiquette and protocols and you should probably decline to accept any advice more serious than what sandwich to order at lunch–if that.

16

I would agree with this 100%. I went through a similar situation where my manager kept breaking promises and blaming it on it being shot down by his boss. I asked his permission to take it up with his boss directly, he said he could not stop me, but that it was a very very bad idea and warned gloom and doom if I tried.

Part of the thing I did differently was also, I never threatened to quit, and I only asked for a reason why my reviews were being denied and if there was something I could correct about my performance that was not being relayed to me in a way I was understanding.

Amazingly enough, sr boss claimed complete ignorace of any of my promised raise requests being put through, looked into it further with HR (who keeps all these requests on file) found none, and promptly wrote up my boss. I ended up with a bigger raise than I was originally promised.

If you are going to quit, don’t pull the “I want this or else” game. Go out, find another job, and put in your notice. If they want to keep you they will come to you with an offer to stay, if not, then they can find someone else.

17

I would also agree that the threat of leaving was ill advised. Anytime an employee voices dissatisfaction the possibility that they may look for a better position is implied, you shouldn’t explicitly state it.
It sounds to me like your immediate supervisor may be taking the credit for your work and doesn’t want his superiors to know that.
It’s possible this may turn out OK for you, but I think I’d be job hunting anyway.

18

For what it’s worth, twice in my life I have said “I want this raise, or I quit.” One requested raise was about 25% and the other about 30% of my total salary. I got the raise both times and had a successful working relationship afterward.

So I don’t know that threatening to quit is “bone-headed.” It depends on the situation - in my case, I think the ‘threat’ worked because:

  1. It was not an empty threat. The people I spoke to knew I was absolutely serious and fully intended to follow through.

  2. I provided convincing supporting data for my request for an increase (what I had been told when I was hired, what other people in the same industry made, etc.).

  3. I was indispensable (well, NO ONE is indispensable … but let’s just say I knew I would be very hard to replace)

  4. I was very polite and reasonable in tone, and made it clear that I completely understood if they did not want to meet my demands.

So perhaps I was bone-headed. But I was a substantially richer bone-head than I would have been if I’d bitten my tongue. :smiley:

19

Never go over the boss’ head. Unless something dangerous or illegal is happening. It does nothing but make an enemy out of your boss. The email was fine, the threat to leave a bit over the top, but your mistake was sending it to his supervisor. Don’t do that.

20

Update: I got the salary review (and the advice not to handle a situation like this again, which you, the lovely Dopers had already provided!).

Sounds like what saved me was my performance (I’m going to get another good rating this half) and my normal attitude - he said that they were both very confused as to why I chose to handle things like this, since it was so out of character. So I definately don’t recommend it as the best way to ask for a pay review, although it’s luckily paid out this time. Now just need to keep my nose clean and keep working hard!