This seems to me to be nearly intractable, for reasons which I will explain below.
tl;dr version - I am married and 67. My spouse is completely incapable and uninterested in taking care of practical and monetary matters. I need to set up my will/estate with a trustee, I guess, but I have lots of reservations and worries. I am in good health but anything can happen and I want to be prepared.
The problem is not getting my husband ownership of the assets, as far as the law is concerned. The chief assets are the house, which is in both our names, and my IRA, which has his name on it as surviving owner. My social security and pension will cease on my death, but there is enough in the IRA to pay the mortgage and utilities, or if he wants to sell the house there would be plenty to pay rent and utilities.
The real problem is that he has no idea how to run a household (paying bills, taxes, maintenance, hiring a plumber, anything) and is completely uninterested in learning. If I try to discuss it he just says he will die first and he doesn’t care what happens if I die first. Also he is from a foreign country (green card) and is still pretty bad at English (and not interested in improving). He is a person who lives on emotion rather than reason.
So I need someone, a trustee I assume, who will take care of all the practical matters of life, and during all this not cheat my husband out of the money (outside legitimate fees for the service). It needs to be someone who my husband can trust and relate to, which probably means bi-lingual in his native language. They won’t have to keep my husband from over-spending, because I don’t care if he wants to blow the wad in one year and then try to live on his own social security. I only care that he gets the use of his money, and doesn’t lose resources through carelessness, like forgetting to pay the mortgage.
I can imagine such a person, but I have no idea how to find one. There is no family member on either side who would be appropriate.
Your thoughts, suggestions, experience are all welcome.