Ahoy! Ahoy, ya fucking lighthouse on wheels!

The BBQ Pit
1

<blink blink blink>

No, this is not an anti-SUV rant, because it’s not their fault their headlights glare into the rearview mirrors of my widdle Sentra even if they’re as bright as three tired fireflies (not that they are, dammit). It goes to all drivers who mistakenly shifted the headlights to BRIGHT driving out of the dealer’s lot and have yet to discover it. It goes to all manufacturers and buyers of those cutting-edge headlight technologies where the spectrum shifts from blue to white to exploding supernova.

I say, old chap! Are you aboard the Californian, trying desperately to send Morse code over to the Titanic, which seems to be in a spot of trouble? No, you’re on the fucking Bronx River Parkway, which says it’s a Parkway right in the name, and has 1920s-style curves, hidden exits, and entrances shorter than the trucks that are banned on it. I know it’s thrilling to discover the unknown byways between the Cross County and Gunhill Road, but that spirit of adventure doesn’t mean you have to glare those things at me so you can see every dent on my rear fender, does it?

This is your Captain speaking: The flight path for LaGuardia happens to be above Mehitabel’s neighborhood tonight, so we’ll be turning on the landing lights and directing them downward. If you look out your left window you will see a lady in a dark green car squinting, cursing, and holding her palm in front of her eyes. She think’s we’re waiting in opposing traffic at a stoplight, not knowing that we have to five thousand feet of tarmac to take care of.

…and so on. Lately I’m seeing more and more of the sort of bluish headlights that you expect to see mounted on a guard tower at Sing Sing. They make my eyes water and spots appear, even when I’m not in a car. If somebody parks their small-dick-mobile in the driveway of one of my neighbors in the back, which point my way, I get the full spotlight effect since I’m on the first floor. I can almost hear the alarms and the guard dogs barking. I was taught to only use my brights in extreme situations or on rural roads, and to lower them when a car approached. In the sticks most people lower their lights in return. But it seems to be a dying credo. You can put your main rear-view mirror on Night (although it looks really weird) but you can’t do anything about the wing mirrors.

One last thing–hey, asshole who parked right down the street from the bus stop (where five different busses stop!) and left his halogens on for HALF AN HOUR the other night? Making all of the dozens of people who glanced down there to see if the bus was coming feeling like they were looking into twin movie projectors at Radio City? Screw you for the headache–don’t you think we were already punished enough having to wait for the fucking bus for HALF AN HOUR in the freezing cold? And of course, you were far too cool to respond to everybody shielding their eyes and the nice old guy who went down and rapped on your window, whom you ignored as blaring reggaeton spilled into the air. You know, some of these fancy new cars, you can run the radio without turning on the headlights…

2

If they are bluish (and not purplish), they are triply stupid. They are buying halogen lights that are imitations of the (purplish) xenon headlamps. The blue halogens are more expensive than regular haolgens, are brighter looking when viewed head on, but actually are worse at illuminating objects in front of them as the blue spectrum (filter?) reduces their ability to highlight objects in the dark. If you cannot afford xenon bulbs, (and at $200 a bulb, most of us can’t), then stick to regular halogens rather than the blue xenon imitations that are triply stupid.

3

I can’t find anything about it in the California Vehicle Code, but it is my understanding that headlights other than original equipment type for your car are frowned on.

For example if your car was originally equipped with incandescent lamps changing to halogen with an aftermarked kit would not be permitted. If your car was originally equipped with regular halogens, changing to blue halogens would not be permitted. And so on.

4

You could be entirely correct, but I will point out that I do not need a special fitting or a change to the fixture to move from a standard 9004 bulb to a 9004 halogen bulb to a 9004 blue halogen bulb. The “9004” (or whichever) bulb fitting is good for any bulb of the same base model number and I do not need to purchase after market modifications to use any of them–I can simply walk into K-Mart, Wal*Mart, NAPA, or wherever and pick the bulb I want off the shelf. (I have also begun seeing ads for 9004 xenon bulbs, but I do not know whether they are true xenon bulbs (unavailable without after-factory modifications just a couple of years ago) or whether they are some sort of knock-off that cleverly inserts the word xenon (but not the technology) into the description.

5

An excellent pitting without the use of profanity (high base difficulty level). 9.75.

Too bad you aren’t ranting about the height of the lights. Those things make my drive back to NJ hell. I always leave early in the morning to beat traffic and I always get the idiots with the high beams tailgating me. We’re the only two vechiles on the road for twenty miles in each direction and they decide to ride my ass, forcing me to slow down. If I slow down to 45 on the highway because I can’t see that means pass me, not hang out up my rear illuminating the inside of my Focus as bright as daylight. No cop is going to give you a ticket for passing at 50 in a 55 and I’m sure as hell not going to be forced into speeding. [/end hijack]

6

Amen.

I drive a firebird, which is pretty much the perfect height for the headlights of the SUV behind me to shine directly into my side and rearview mirrors, illuminating my car enough to read by. I reposition the rearview mirror away from my line of vision for the time being, but the light still shines in my side view mirrors at about 30,000 candelas. And, like a moth to a flame, it’s physically impossible for me to NOT look directly at the light.

I sometimes am forced to borrow my mother’s Jeep Liberty. At a traffic light, when I have a car in front of and behind me, I flick the lights off.

7

I feel your pain, it is horriably distracting. I am going to get my windows tinted to help out a bit.

8

I usually drive a Saturn and I experience a similar problem while driving at night. Typically it is a pick up or an SUV that causes the problem but on occasion it might be another type of vehicle. I just adjust the rear view mirror and ignore the blast of light coming from the side mirrior for as long as possible.

Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

Marc

9

Thanks! Yeah, I guess it’s the new headlights that are those xenon or halogen or tungsten or whatever the hell they are. I can understand if you’re driving the PCH during fog season, but the Henry Hudson Parkway, bumper to bumper?

My nightmare, of course, is an SUV with them, right behind me.

10

Hey now, that justification doesn’t really work either. SUPER BRIGHT headlights aren’t going to do a damn thing on PCH during fog season except make it even harder for you to see in fog.

I see that all the time here in The Land of Tule Fog ™: morons in HUGE pickup trucks with their highbeams on in fog with 0 visability. Not only does this set up make it impossible for them to see, it also blindes the rest of us. Sigh!

The point: there is no justification for SUPER BRIGHT!!! headlights. No sir. Well, other than the owner of such lights is a total ass face.

11

An interesting side-note: when I was in the Netherlands, their streetlights and car headlights were all amber. My host family explained to me that the color didn’t illuminate things in front of your car quite as well, but it significantly lowered the risk that you would daze those around you, leaving platoons of night-blind drivers and pedestrians in your wake. Their automotive regulatory body had decided to legislate a measure of consideration for other drivers’ safety. Imagine that! :smack:

12

It is probably not the xenon lights, (the purplish ones). From my experience, they are not nearly as blinding as the blue halogen knock-offs. (There are rich neighborhoods past which I have to drive and the $80,000 cars with purple lights are rarely a problem coming at me down twisty, foggy roads.)

13

It seems to me that simple courtesy is dying out. I drive slightly over 100 miles per night, mostly in city conditions. I am routinely blinded by people driving with their brights on, which they shouldn’t do in a city, and who refuse to dim them. I also encounter plenty of people who use their super-bright driving lights in the city, which is just inexcusable. I wish I knew why people do things like this—I suppose it is just ignorance, but maybe it is malice.

14

Yep it’s really freakin’ annoying alright. I adjust my interior night mirror and turn my wing mirrors out too - in what I hope is a perfect “bounce-back” angle. I turn them so they’re not catching my eye (moth to flame, indeed) and hope that the movement will encourage the guy riding my bumper with his high beams on to either back off a bit or turn the low beams on. On occasion I will slow down in the hopes that they’ll pass me, but they rarely do.

For all time winner of the blinded whilst driving trip - I followed a fellow with a half-ton pickup once, who’d sheet metalled his tailgate and burnished it to a very highly reflective gloss. My own damned headlights blinded me for fifty miles. I suppose we could all do that - a la Inspector Gadget . . .

15

What is this ‘bright’? Is it the same as beam (vs dipped)? Or do you have beam and bright? And in the U.K., blue lights are the preserve of the emergency services. You can get done for having a blue light in your cab - fortunately the police are sensible about this, but if they need an excuse…

16

Your “brights” are your highbeams. The “blue lights” people are talking about are these ridiculously bright headlights some people are installing in their cars. They’re a white-blue colour and quite blinding to oncoming traffic.

17

This absolutely cracks me up.

I’ve driven small cars all my life, so I’m routinely right at the sweet spot of bright lights. Sometimes it’s a real nuisance, even when I flip my rear-view mirror to the night setting. I do feel like I’m lit up with floodlights.

18

I also try to adjust my mirrors to bounce that “super-nova” blue-white light right back at 'em. Hopefully it succeeds.

It has gotten to the point where I avoid driving anywhere at night because I’m so blinded by the blue-or-violet-or-SUV-height lighting.

19

Yep, yep, yep, let me join the chorus. Not just SUVs which sit high and the headlights aim right at my eyes, coming and going, but I hate those ultra-brights. At least now it’s naturally light in the morning and evening for my drive to work and less of an annoyance, but in the darkness, it’s obnoxious.

I’ve done the same thing in slow traffic in the dark–tilt to “night” for the rear-view, but the higher-set and ultrabrights still get me right square in the side mirrors. It’s a pain when you’re stuck in slow traffic and the Mr. DimBulbBrightLites is behind you.

20

OK, I agree; a wag o’ the finger (what show did I just watch?) to the SUV lights too.