Which reminds me: do not make jokes about bombs, guns, explosions or other similar topics unless you didn’t want to get on that flight anyway and have a serious strip-search fetish.
Similarly, when the airlines ask you not to bring pocketknives and other restricted items on the plane, this means you too. Just because you know you’re not a terrorist doesn’t mean that everyone else will automatically know this too.
I was on a Southwest flight recently where the FA claimed to have a little monitor up by her PA system that told her that 6 people had unbuckled early and if they didn’t fix it right away, she would come back and point them out to the rest of the plane. You quickly heard about 15-20 seat belts being refastened. Hehehe.
Hehe, a friend of mine is a flight attendent, the one they use is “Ladies and gentleman, never in the history of our airline has a passenger made it to the terminal before the aircraft, please remain seated”. Supposedly, it works.
And if they do somehow manage to get the goddamn thing stuffed in there, they then want YOU to lift it down for them upon landing. “Sorry, bad back” is my stock reply, unless it’s someone who truly needs assistance.
What gets me is the flight attendants know the safety and seat belt drill down pat. So they perform the drill with as much enthusiasm as a wet noodle. Perhaps some passengers are flying for the very first time and would appreciate learning the few safety tips from flight attendants who express at least a wee bit of actual concerns about safety.
You and Bill Bryson both, huh?
???
The last time I took a plane anywhere, they got to the point where they asked ‘Did anyone put anything into your luggage without your knowledge?’ and I could no longer help my smart assed-ness.
I replied ‘Mu.’
When asked for further comment I said ‘The question is impossible to answer. If it was done without my knowledge, I wouldn’t know, and couldn’t answer ‘yes’, but I can’t answer ‘no’ either, because that invalidates the ‘without your knowledge’ part of the question. My answer is mu.’
The poor lady behind the desk thought a minute and said ‘I guess it is a stupid question.’
If I did that today, I’d probably be thrown in jail.
You DO NOT need to take your shoes off!!
I repeat, you DO NOT need to take your shoes off!!
Unless you have spurs or large metal buckles, you will be fine. Your Nikes are not going to set off the metal detector.
It is not a requirement. In the last month I have been to the following airports: Philly, Cincy, Minneapolis, and Paris and did not have to take my shoes off once.
People, keep your smelly dogs covered unless asked by security to unleash them.
Slu…OUT!
My recent experience: I’m traveling in first, where, on this aircraft, there are only three rows of seats. I’m behind this couple who are probably in their 60s or 70s. They are confused by the three rows of seats. “Where is 4B!?” bellows the guy. “I don’ see a 4B!”. “Oy!” says his wife. So they sit in row 3, which includes my seat.
No, says I, that’s my seat. “But there’s no 4B, so we sit here”, he exclaims. Meanwhile, passengers behind us are breaking out the pitchforks and torches, and I’m sure I saw a rope. I start flagging the flight attendent, because the guy won’t give up his boarding pass for me to look at.
She finally arrives from the back of the plane and convinces these knuckleheads that they are in 2A and 2B (maybe he added them together to get 4B?). Then came the exercise of the bags in the bins, as discussed earlier in this thread.
When the plane landed in Seattle, I shot out of my seat, grabbed my stuff and bolted past them before they could get up and decide to exit from the rear of the friggin’ aircraft.
I haven’t flown since well before 9/11. I have, however, 2 trips coming up in the near future* so I’m reading these comments with interest.
I will do my best not to behave like a dumbass.
Speaking of suitcases, I’m amazed at how few non-wheeled suitcases are out there. My suitcase lacks wheels (it’s been around for a while), it fits in the wire grid thingie at the gate, and it fits under the seat in front of me. But when I carry it through the airport, I feel like I’m the only person there with arm strength enough to carry a bag. It’s weird.
*Flying to Hawaii and to Seattle for a cruise to Alaska. Envy me.
This depends entirely on the airport you are going through. When I flew to Maui in January, I had to take my shoes off in Ft. Wayne, IN and at LAX. But I didn’t need to do so in Maui coming back.
On a recent trip from Chicago, my wife and I were turned away from the security checkpoint by the person checking IDs and boarding passes because our regulation size carry on bags were “too poofy.” We were told that we’d have to take stuff out of one bag, put it in the other, and check it.
We were making a long trip with a connection and were also carrying delicate gifts, so what we deemed necessary to carry on wouldn’t fit in just one bag, so we opted to buy a third bag in the concourse, take stuff out of both bags and check it.
The thing is, when we fly, my wife leads carrying the documents and I follow carrying the bags (it’s simpler for one person with two hands free to handle documents), so when I went to go through security to buy said bag, my wife had accidentally handed me her passport and boarding pass and I never looked at it. The TSA worker who sent us away for having bags that were “too poofy” let me, a 6 foot tall balding caucasian, through on a passport of a 5’-4" asian woman. I’m just hoping that she recognized me from when she checked our IDs earlier.
As an aside, many rubber-soled shoes, including athletic shoes have either a wire or thin sheet of metal embedded in the soles to help them keep their shape. Nobody in the US probably noticed until they started cranking up the sensitivity of the metal detectors. I just take my shoes off automatically. I’d rather do that than have to be re-screened.
You’ll be happy to know they don’t ask that stupid question any more. Now, the only mooing is from people in line at security, which brings me to…
Lucky you. My feet swell like Poppin’ Fresh biscuits when I fly, and my regular footwear is boots with steel “shanks” in the soles guaranteed to set off any metal detector. So, I fly in either gym shoes or Tevas. On a fairly recent trip, I was asked to remove my Tevas, leaving me in utterly bare feet. Was TSA worried that the wart on my left foot was filled with C4?
Oh, and politely, and I can’t stress POLITELY enough, asking the gate agent about the true state of a flight when they say “delayed” is absolutely in your best interest.
Don’t just run up to the podium and demand to know when the flight will leave. They don’t know this.
Don’t run up there and demand “Do you know who I am?” They have your PNR. They know who you are.
When you fly, you need to arm yourself with information. In this case, you need to know when the next flight to your destination or connection point is. Inquire as to your chances of making that connection. Inquire if it’s looking bad and can they book you on that next flight which will be leaving in 40 minutes? Perhaps something’s available on one of their “code share” partners? More than once, I’ve been able to get myself on that next flight and on my way before the delayed flight has boarded.
You just have to be polite and sweet and understanding.
Here’s another one for delayed flights:
When you’re in a Ryanair shithole, like Brussels Charleroi or Glasgow Prestwick or Venice Treviso, there’s no point lining up ready to board when the PLANE HASN’T LANDED and in fact there’s NO aeroplane ANYWHERE TO BE SEEN.
Just sit down, and enjoy your last Belgian beer / Italian espresso / Irn Bru in peace.
You will NOT get ANYWHERE ANY FASTER by standing in front of the SAME DOORS that will be used for arriving passengers.
JUST SIT DOWN!!!
I always take my shoes off. My tennis shoes must have that wire in them since they always set off the metal detector. My clogs are stapled, and they also set off the metal detector. Since I insist on traveling in comfortable shoes, I always wear either tennies or clogs. Better to remove them than to be re-screened or, worse, patted down by the security agent and having that want waived over you.
I must say that I no longer listen to the safety speeches. Not that I make any noise during the speech, I just don’t listen. I’d like to say it’s because I’ve heard them 1,000 times. But the truth is I look around at my fellow passengers and figure I’d probably starve to death before the idiots in front of me could get off the plane in an emergency–forget escaping before a fire sweeps through the cabin or the plane sinks to the bottom of the ocean.
Last October I was going to be taking a flight out of Midway. Having heard all the stories about people having to take their shoes off, I decided to wear a pair of slip-ons instead of my usual velcro-fastening gym shoes. Despite having divested myself of all metal I still set off the alarm. Apparently the detector was so sensitive that it detected the nails in the shoes. On the trip back I wore the gym shoes, and had no trouble with the metal detector. However, one of the security people thought that my cane qualified as a weapon, and wasn’t going to let me take it on the plane. Fortunately, she was overridden by one of the other guards.
I did once make a mistake in the airport and say something stupid. It all happened when my flight home from NYC to Pittsburgh was cancelled and I had to call dadsix who was picking me up at the airport to tell him not to go to the airport tonight, and that I’d actually be arriving around noon the next day.
He began to scream at me as I explained that due to the severe thunderstorm, they had cancelled the flights. There, in the line near the ticket counter, I shouted at him, “I can’t make them fly the fucking plane!” and then hit the END button.
I am still amazed that not a single sideways glance was cast at me by the security people.
Metal eyelets on boots will set off the metal detector. I was sent aside twice for that. Now, if I’m wearing my boots, I take 'em off before going through.
I’m trying to remember which airport I’ve been to recently where passengers were required to take off their shoes - might have been Baltimore (BWI). I just do it anyway, to prevent any hassle.
I’m also trying to see how much metal/electronic crap I can cram in my carry-on bag before they open it up at Security to confirm what the hell is in there. Apparently a couple cans of soda, discman, several CDs, PDA, keys, battery charger, spare batteries, cell phone, and a cell phone charger are only good enough to make the person at the X-ray machine send it through on a second pass.