…thank God I have Premier status again after today’s trip.
- Scheduling - Airports are not like subway stations. If you show up with a wad of cash and want to get to Miami right now, don’t expect to waltz right through to the gate. *
If you want to adjust your Denver to Omaha flight so that it routes through Islamabad and Tegucigalpa, best to do it the night before on the phone. The desk clerks aren’t really trained for that.
- Luggage - I know it is posted everywhere, but just as a reminder, you are allowed two (2) checked bags per passenger. Less than two (2) is OK. More than two (2) is not OK. Some numbers larger than two (2) include 3, 4, 7, 8, and 13.* In addition, there is a 60 pound (not kilos or stone or hectares) limit on the weight of bags.* Just because you managed to cram your stuffed wildebeast into a duffel bag does not mean that the airline has to transport it for you for free.
I know that you really, really, love your guitar, but it does not fit in the overhead compartment nor under the seat in front of you. No ammount of pleading with the clerk will change that.*
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Carry on bags - I almost don’t even care anymore when people try to bring a foot locker on board, but let me remind you of one recent event. 9-11. No, not the place where you get slim-jims and skoal and big gulps. I mean planes hijacked with box cutters. Your flight crew, as well as your fellow passengers, really aren’t that keen on making an exception for your pocket knife*, razor blades, and brass knuckles that you forgot about.
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Security screening - When the TSA rep yells out every 20 seconds for passengers to have their boarding pass and ID out to show, that means you. For future reference, you are a passenger unless you work at the airport or are driving the plane.*
If your adorable child happens to set off the metal detector, he/she/it does need to be wanded, just like everyone else. Screaming at the security agent for traumatizing your bambino is not a good idea.*
- = Events actually witnessed at the Denver Int’l airport this morning while waiting in fricking line while I had everything in order! The other events are merely assumed.