Airport Security Morons

The BBQ Pit
21

You won’t find a cite because, unfortunately, it’s not true. It’s just another made-up factoid people use in their arguments on why we should all be disarmed, and how women should never NEVER fight back against men. I’m not saying that Byz is one of these, I think she’s a pretty reasonable and cool person overall and I agree with her most of the time.

However, Byz, I don’t think anyone would face me with bare hands if I had my knife or gun. Is Glitch still around? I’d like to know his thoughts. People don’t GET knives or guns taken away from them, they GIVE them away. If the organ between your ears is not prepared to do anything to defend itself, well, you get what you get. I’ve faced down a rapist after all, I know I have what it takes to use a knife or gun to defend myself.

It’s a moot argument in a way, as I don’t think there are any takers out there to a challenge to take my Gerber Mark I away from me.

And on the OP - I travel nearly bi-weekly in the US and occaisionally international. While it may not be prudent to carry a knife into the airport as a rule, it in no way should excuse the extremely unprofessional, poorly trained, nearly criminal-behaviored security guards hired by every airport I’ve ever been to. The fact that people like that are in charge of “security” is another of my proofs (in an earlier thread) that the FAA really does not give a goddamn about saving lives - just making it appear like they are.

I could rant for pages about atrocities I’ve witnessed these doddering Barney and Betty Fife’s involved in, but there’s just no point to it. I had one of them try to confiscate a fossil of a fish, because it “looked like it might have been made of of C4(?)”. I had one tell me it was FEDERAL LAW I turn on my phone and let HIM make a call on it to prove it was real - so he called his wife at home. And if I didn’t do it, at a minimum I’d miss my flight, at a maximum I’d be arrested for “troublemaking” or whatever else they could make up. One took my wallet out of my bag, and wouldn’t give it back - denied that he even had it - until I called the police on my cell phone (which he tried to take to when I said I was calling the police).

One even hit me in the face with his long 8-D-Cell flashlight - clearly on accident - but didn’t apologize or even acknowledge it, and when I yelled at him the female guard next to him pointed her fat finger in my face and said “Don’t you raise YOUR voice to US, you respect or you’re going to jail.” Yup, I love these guys. Complaining to the airline does no good - they’re hired by the airport. Complaining to the airport also does no good.

These people are, in the majority, NOT police, they are NOT highly trained security officers. They are one step up from Pinkerton guards, and are filled with a self-righteous power trip as soon as they put on that uniform. We need to get serious about airline security in this country, and FIX THIS PROBLEM.

22

Sorry, Byz.
“A knife blade is shit.”

No, Quite frankly,its not.

“I can do more with my fist, feet and body than you could even hope to do with the knife.”

No, you can’t.

“And nine times out of ten, your little “knife” will be taken away and be used against you.”

No, nine times out of ten, you will be cut, not like a paper cut, or slicing off the tip of your finger. A nice deep slice or puncture.

23

Friedo,
MadDog knives makes a bad ass ceramic knife. It has like a 6 or 7 inch blade and it can cut a hole in the roof of your car. (In your case, your cab). Being ceramic, it will not set off a metal detector. It is only like 500 bucks.

Cheaper and less expensive are the plastic knives and “Delta Darts” made by Cold Steel. They are great for self defense. I would not try to cut anything other than people though… they do not have a very strong edge.

Seriously though, The airport should definately have a more professional way of confiscating things. I would not say that they should not take it from you, but they should give you a receipt or something.

24

You think you could take my knife away from me? Obviously, you have never met me. My karate instructor was of the opinion that “big knives are dumb”, a small, light, thin, sharp blade at least 3" long is all you need to puncture a lung, pierce one of the main arteries in the neck or groin, or put out an eye depending on what part of his body the attacker puts wihin reach.

Who travels with a laptop except when their job requires it? You certainly can’t check the damn thing as the baggage handlers will steal it. Your only choice is to carry it on the plane and to do this it must be scanned. The whole point of the scenario described by 20/20 was that one crook jumps ahead of you at the metal detector, sets it off with a shitload of metal, and while she is emptying her pockets her accomplice walks off with your laptop. You have to keep your eye on your laptop and be ready to give chase, the airport securtiy can’t/won’t leave the scanner to chase after your laptop. You have to scream bloody murder and chase the guy down. Then airport security will be forced to follow you since you haven’t been cleared and hopefully they will arrest the thief and not you. My point about being armed, however lightly, is that if the crooks can have small knives in the airport than you had best have one too (assuming you know how to use it as a weapon, which I do).

25

Think again, sucker! That is, if I get to fire a warning shot between your ears first. Otherwise you get to see me do my Jesse Owens imitation, it’s very convincing.

26

friedo,

when security asked you to put the knife in the luggage your reply should have been,

“I would, but I’m afraid the metal would throw off the timing on my bomb.” Then wink at them.

I’ve found airport security has a hell of a sense of humor. They would have laughed, realized you’re an okay guy, and waved you through. Try a little humor next time.

:wink:

27

Also, when they ask you “can we look in your bag?”, you should jokingly say “absolutely not you filthy little man!”

Then the question becomes “Can we strip search you and manacle you naked to a railing in the main concourse while we search your bag, or can we search your bag without all the fussin’ and the feudin’.” I suggest you choose option (1).

Ooooohhh - here’s another one. As a joke, get some of the tri-horned biohazard stickers and put them all over your luggage. Esp. that new Gucci travel set. That will ensure you get it safely and untampered with. :slight_smile:

28

Okay folks the “nine times out of ten” is obviously for the person who has no training in actually using the knife. Yes, it’s IMHO but there are a lot of people who don’t know the very basics about fighting that somehow think if they can brandish a knife or a gun they will “scare” a “thug” away. You won’t.

Most of these folks, the “thugs” are street fighters. My point is: You damn well better know what you are doing if you are going to whip out a knife. You damn well better not hesitate in being able to shoot to kill if you are going to take out a gun. Sorry for not being clear but that is my point. You can’t just “brandish” a weapon and expect everyone to bow down before you.

I have had training with knives. Not only as part of my river life (a knife can save your ass in situations that most wouldn’t even consider) but also as far as fighting goes. I’ve also had training in the use and the way to disarm someone with a gun. No, I don’t own a gun, nor do I think I need one. But I respect them, understand them, and respect that people want to own them.

I’m not some little chick with a big attitude. I’m a big chick with honest attitude because I’ve taken classes in not only how to fire a gun but how to disarm someone. And contrary to what you think I can do a hell of a lot more with my fist, feet and overall body than MOST can with some knife that they probably don’t know how to use.

Frankly, even if you DO know how to use it, I practice my skills daily and have no qualms at all about my ability to defend myself. I’m talking about MY ability to either fight someone to save my life or, if the odds are against me, I also have the ability to run very fast; I run almost 30 miles a week for fun.

My point again is: If you are going to carry a weapon, know how to use it. Know how it can be taken away from you. Also know when you are better off running than fighting and be prepared to run. Don’t hobble around an airport or city street in high heels…

29

Friedo:

There are a few winners in that particular field isn’t there?

We would take a 10" steel knitting neddle from a Grandmother, but let a 30 yr old with a 8" pencil through with no problem.
A lot of it has to do with the attitude of the potential flyer. A guy with a 2" knife taped to his leg…the knife will be removed.

Joking about bombs (in Canada anyway) won’t get you very far. A couple of guys come through, joking about a movie they saw…“really was a bomb”. They were told to stop joking about it…they didn’t.

They flew a Greyhound bus that day.
Having a walk thru (detector) at the entrance to the terminal is a little bizarre. It also sounds like you weren’t being a goon…so what’s their problem??

We always gave a reciept when we took a prohibited item from a passenger.

People pack all sorts of interesting things when they fly.

Grandparents with huge bags of pot…young business ladies with dildos…I’ve got a million of them.

30

A very good point Byz, and one I share with you. My response was driven out of my own long-standing problems and the fact that I am one of those who is ready to kill with a knife or gun to protect myself. I WILL stab or shoot someone who is threatening me - I won’t agonize of the morality, etc. I have the will to do so with little hesitation. Because I KNOW there are worse things than dying.

Someone on this board once said something on the order of “A cheerleader with a chainsaw is a whole lot less dangerous than a serial killer with a toothpick.” Another very good point.

I would never attack someone while wielding my knife, instead I have a completely defensive routine. I think against a person purely in defensive mode it would be, at least, more difficult than if they were attacking you? But this is not a martial arts thread, so I’ll leave it at that.

31

byzantine sez:

That’s SO much better! I was almost offended before :slight_smile:

32

[hijack]
Maurice Green (that’s his name, right? You know, fastest human in the world right now) had his bags grabbed in an airport a few months back while being interviewed. A teammate noticed, shouted, and the world’s shortest chase ensued. Nice choice of targets…
[/hijack]

Haven’t flown with my laptop in a while–is making you put it through the detector standard or are most places still on the “turn it on to prove it works” method?

33

I take mine everywhere - you only have to turn it on if you DON’T put it through the x-ray. Mine has been through hundreds of x-rays without incident.

34

Friedo, be glad you didn’t try to do this in an Israeli airport (okay, THE Israeli airport). I mentioned something in another thread about insane airport security people, and look, here’s a thread in which I get to bitch about them!

First, security in Israel is insane to start with. Every time you walk in a public building, you have to open your bag for the security dude. School, mall, grocery store, EVERY TIME. You get used to it after a few days. A friend of mine went to the movies and was asked if he had any guns on him. Not so unusual.

But the airport people take it to an entirely new level of (perhaps justified ) paranoia. By the way, this is only upon LEAVING Israel, not upon entering the country. Before getting to the gates, all non-citizens are interrogated. Really, and truly interrogated. “What have you been doing in Israel? Why? Where did you go? Why? Do you speak Hebrew? Do you speak Yiddish? Does anyone in your family speak Yiddish? Are you Jewish? Do you celebrate holidays? What do you study?” Etc., etc. These are, by the way, all questions that have been asked of me personally. I have experienced it three times. The first time, the interrogation took about 10 minutes. The second time, it took about 15 minutes. That time, I was with a couple friends, one of whom is a dual American-Israeli citizen. He rushed right through, and when my interrogator was informed that I was travelling with an Israeli, he asked my friend, angrily, about me, “What is she doing here?” My friend yelled, “I don’t know, why don’t you ask her?” He and my other friend, who had also been rushed through, waited for about 5 minutes while they finished with me. And you know why they bugged me? Because I have light coloring. There is a notion that Arab terrorists use lightly colored people as their stooges. It pissed me off so much, my friend who was also only an American citizen and in Israel doing the exact same thing as me (being a student) was interrogated for half the time I was. But she “looks Jewish.” The third time, my Hebrew was good enough to talk with the security guy in that language, and that helped a lot. The questions seemed to be only a formality, and he let me go after a couple minutes.

But my experience was GREAT compared to other people I have talked to. One (blond) girl I know, who wasn’t Jewish (she’s converting, though) told me that the shortest interrogation she ever had was 45 minutes. And one (blond, not Jewish) woman I spoke with told me that she had been *strip-searched *by the airport security several times. Man, after the first time, I wouldn’t return.

35

Gee, this is actually good info for me, considering that I might have to go to Israel later this year. I know by making the comparison it’s going to get me in trouble, but doesn’t such behavior by security when you are leaving Israel sound very similar to that of other governments, like, oh, Soviet Russia?

This, and other reports I’ve heard, may make me tell the Israelis to go to hell, rather than fly there and help them out. I don’t need the business that bad.

36

Thanks. Can’t say I haven’t heard it before, though.

Don’t do us any favors.

Planes leaving here don’t go Boom. Got a problem with that?

37

Jimmy Nipples

what, a million Young ladies or a million Dildos?
either answer scares me…

38

Lay off it, Alessan. No one wants a martyr.

–Tim

39

I hope no one thinks I wish the Israeli security peeps would STOP doing what they do. In theory, I am glad they do it. In practice, it’s irritating. I’m just complaining over the time wasted and anxiety caused as a result. But I have lived in Israel, I have experienced terrorism (a bomb blew up at my fucking school), and I would rather deal with fifteen minutes of harrassment than dying. It’s not like it doesn’t happen there. It’s not fascism, it’s safety. Americans find security measures of any kind to be outrageous - believe me, extreme security in the US doesn’t even come close to approaching average everyday security in Israel. You know how mail boxes now have little stickers on them reminding you to mail anything large at a post office? In Israel, mailboxes have a tiny little slit, so that the largest thing that can get through is a normal sized envelope. Gotta go to the post office for anything larger. And that’s only the beginning - you should see what happens when a bag is left lying unattended on a city street (bomb squad & BOOM). And there’s a reason for it. If you can’t deal with it, Alessan is right - don’t go there. And if you go and complain, well, Israelis take pride in being extremely blunt.

40

Martyr? MARTYR? I’m not a martyr, I make martyrs! Now, where’s my Uzi…

Like Kyla said, we’re blunt. And heavy. And we swing fast. So don’t take it personally.

By the way, can I use that as a sig?