Al Qaida's New Weapon: Exploding Toads

This is really bizarre

Gotta wonder what’s causing it.

Larger toads are more unstable than smaller, lighter ones; when a large number of them come into close proximity, they reach critical mass and explode.



If they buried these exploding frogs in wet mud or under leaves, thereby creating land mines…

…would they be a Toad in the Hole?

Not for long, obviously.

Perhaps the toads are trying to evolve into swamp dragons?

Of maybe they mistook themselves for salamandars?

I’ve never seen a toad croak like that before.

Hypno-Toad, why do I suspect you have something to do with this…?

Well it’s all relative isn’t it? I believe you are referring to the Cornish ultradense toads? Adult males were reported to stand as high as 3 feet at the nares and weigh in excess of 1,000 pounds. The fed mostly on small birds and housecats and are largely responsible for the total absence of predatory species throughout the UK if I’m not mistaken. My sources say they were all but wiped out by John ‘Lackland’ in his struggle against William of Longchamp (he would have dozens of them ‘shoo’ed’ in the direction of enemy troups and as they neared their targets the amphibians would go critical and asplode, drowning the soldiers in “foul ochres.” It is believed, however, that a dozen or so were shipped (seperately) with his estate to France and subsequently escaped, apparently dispersing as far away as Germany. Their mating habits remain a mystery to this day.


Aye, laddie. Nares.

What mechanism would actually make toads explode?

The Acme Toad Exploder. Duh.

We always used Black Cat firecrackers.

In one of those curious incidents of natural coincidence, I once knew a girl whose name was “Nare” . Strangely enough, she was known in some circles as “the Black Cat.”
Hmmm, maybe it was “The Exploding Toad.” It’s been a while.

I assume that those studying the toads would have noticed lit fuses sticking out their ends as they hopped by. What mechanisms are consistant with the reports thus far?

Well, you had to get her to drink a bit.

AAACK! Yer killin me! :smiley:

: sigh : I guess we should look into the reports and get lee an answer…

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your letter requesting information about ALKA-SELTZER Effervescent Antacid and Pain Reliever. You inquired if feeding tablets to toads and frogs would cause their bodies to explode. I am sorry to report that we have no scientific information to support this finding, but we do not recommend such a practice. As you are aware, ALKA-SELTZER is only intended for human consumption and this is only after the tablets are dissolved in water. I would recommend directing any future inquiries of this nature to your local wildlife or forestry organizations.

Thank you for writing and for your comments.

Sally S. Stump
Coordinator, Consumer Relations