Alabama School Security Weapon: Canned Corn

From the “Visualize Hurled Peas” Department:

EDIT: Inspired by this story – take the Emergency Preparedness Assessment Evaluation for the State of Alabama

Why only corn or peas? I’d rather beet the hell out of them.

Does the Geneva Convention apply here? That would explain why beans and brussels sprouts weren’t on the list.

And carrots! And sticks!

Whilst this confirms some perceptions of Alabama, leaving loose weapons about after hours or otherwise unattended would be a temptation for putative criminals and others to raid the armory and arm themselves with cans. Which may be used in further crimes.

“They pull a knife, you pull a gun. They pull a gun, you pull a can of corn. That’s the Alabama way.”

Well, she’s not wrong on either count.

The principal was not clear.

Creamed corn.

now - everybody grab your corn - HURL!

On my mark - unleash peas!

This is part of ALICE training, but to carry around canned corn seems to be a misunderstanding or, at least, taking it too far. One of my friends posted about it on Facebook and here was my response:

She mentioned mentioned that she agreed with the idea but she was just commenting that it seemed silly for everyone to carry abound a can of soup with them…which was in the picture I saw on FB, my next comment was as follows:

Regarding the CCW comment, she’s very pro-CCW (she owns guns, I don’t know if she carries them). I don’t carry a gun, never have, but, as I said, my store has been involved in an armed robbery so I like to leave it at ‘I have no problem with CCW’. What bothers me about teaching kids to keep soup cans in their backpack is that you are basically teaching them to bring a weapon to school. I know it may seem silly to think of a soup can as a weapon, but that is essentially what it is. It’s a hard, heavy object that, in this case, exists for no reason whatsoever than to throw at someone that intends to hurt you. If you’re anti-CCW then ISTM you should be against having kids carry projectiles meant to defend themselves in their backpack.
Like I said, when they (two cops) spoke to us about it, they just mentioned things like staplers or water bottles, even pencils or books…just things nearby. As he said, sometimes it just takes something like that to break their concentration for a few seconds to make the difference between life and death. Sometimes just breaking their concentration can ‘snap them out of it’.

As the ALICE training states, though, this is a last ditch effort, when the option is ‘sit there and wait to be shot’ or do something.

Did ya hear about the guy who broke his foot by dropping some tomatoes on it?

When canned food is outlawed, only outlaws will carry canned food.

If we all open-carried canned goods we’d all be safer.

The best defense against a bad guy with canned food is a good guy with canned food.

And likewise for baked lasagne, I’m sure.

Archer Daniels Midland is pleased.

Maybe they should be carrying cans of tuna. They may be smaller but you can throw them at a higher velocity and you can carry a larger number…

Wouldn’t that be determined by the caliber of arm that you are armed with?

I bet a loaf of bread would make a good silencer.

The practice would “catch an intruder off-guard” unless the intruder had seen this article…

breadstick batons for everyone!