Alarming and offensive spam porn titles

The BBQ Pit
21

RAPING FUN ON THE FARM!!! (I have no idea how one rapes fun…unless “Fun” is the name of little Suzy’s pony.)

MAKE YOUR COCK PUMP IRON!!! (I’d be more impressed if I could make my cock do laundry, wash dishes, and take out the trash…but hey, I knew what he was like when I married him :wink: )

FUCK FOR 8 HOURS STRAIGHT, LOSE UP TO 50 LBS!!! (Got this one a couple of weeks ago. I’m still impressed at the artful way the spammer has combined two completely unrelated conventional spam topics into a new and exciting field. That’s creativity, that is.)

For some reason, I also keep getting spam addressed to someone named Jane. “Jane, we can lower your mortgage payments!” “Jane, you can earn 40 gazillion dollars a day collecting dryer lint!” “Jane, answer us or you’ll never see your mother board again!” Suffice it to say, my name’s not Jane.

22

I thought I was already in love. I thought I was living with my soulmate.

Jarbabyj, I worship the towel that you ejaculate 358% more on. I’m…smitten.

23

"You’ll need a sock to keep it warm"

Sam

24

Having been hit repeatedly in the eye with female ejaculate, I’ll give ya my honest opinion - while I freely endorse women’s right to ejaculate as voluminously as suits them, it can actually be kind of alarming up close.

Elsewhere in the news, I’m spam free. Not relying on strangers’ mailservers’ll do that for you- Whoohoo! No-one sells my address to strangers! Neener-neener.

That being said, I’d like to contribute “FISTING UNGULATES!” for the alarming category.

25

Just out of curiousity, has anyone bothered to ask the obvious follow-up question, “How many calories in the average female ejaculation?”

26

I would like to propose NOT using jarbaby in this study group.

27

I’m sad that PunditLisa doesn’t want to taste my ejaculate. :frowning:

28

Pfft. If you could fuck for 8 hours, lose 50lbs, get a prestigious non-accredited Ph.D. and consolidate your debts, then I’ll be impressed.

29

Perhaps she was simply implying that you’re so far above average, you’d totally screw up the statistics. :smiley:

30

oh! Well then! :smiley:

31

I’m waiting for a porn spam that has the subject: “Mother Theresa Wants To Help YOU!”

Of course, inside it would offer a prayer that would make your dick bigger, harder, and more powerful for only $19.95.

32

That was, indeed, what I was implying. I was going to add that “Mr. Pundit is always on a diet.” but it sounded kind of effeminate…

33

Oh… there needs to be another porn spam with the title: “Your penis makes the Baby Jesus cry.”

34

My mom gets all sorts of Viagra ads. You have no idea how odd this is.

35

My most offensive one was “Hey (My 8 year old son’s name)! Come look at these new pictures of my friends!”

That one made me really sick to my stomach. I didn’t bother to look at the site, but it was pretty obvious from the message what the pictures were going to be. We oversee our son’s internet use, and make sure he never enters his name or personal information without our permission. His net usage was pretty much limited to what we considered legitimately run kids’ sites — Disney, Nick.com, pbs, and Pokemon.com. What kind of perv harvests names from these to spam porn to?

We were spammed this from a yahoo account. We complained to yahoo and to our ISP. Then we got the same thing again the next day from another yahoo account, and complained again. This went through about 4 rounds of this, and finally they disappeared.

36

I guess this one doesn’t come under the category of alarming as much as confusing: she doesn’t want her boyfriend to find out, yet she is posting the pictures all over the Internet?

If they want to make a believable “regular girl posting pics of herself” email, they can do better than that!

Oh, and I don’t visit these sites…this one was sent to a new nickname of mine, and had an interesting (non-porn related) title, so I curiously opened the email. Sheesh. They’re nuts.

37

Lately, it seems that a lot of the porn spam that I get has these odd, apparently randomly generated subject lines.

Hey - if you guys don’t care what idiots you sound like, how can you expect me to want to see your sites?

38

I got one that said, “Smack people around with your HUGE DICK!”

I kid you not.

Can you just imagine?

“Hey, BlackKnight, how [SMACK!] Ahhh! Ow! My eye!”

“Oh, hey there BlackKnight, I didn’t even see you - [SMACK!] ohfortheloveof Christ … Put that thing away!”

“Hi, I’m glad you’re home. We’re here to talk to you about Jesus. Are you sav - [SMACK!] what the he - [SMACK! SMACK SMACK SMACK!] Run! Get out of here, save yourself! [SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK!]”

39

Yesterday, I finally found it. After years of searching:

Sweet Babes Who Love To Fuck.

And I’m here to tell you…I think she was a sweet babe. She was taking a really big dick and smiling about it. I mean, politely…sweetly. She was all about the fucking.

40

Man, I’m disapointed. All i ever get is stock tips, mortgage refinancing, sales on inkjet cartridges and cell phones, and work from home stuff.

OTOH, maybe I should be flattered that spammers don’t think I need to increase my dick size, ejaculate volume, or stamina one tiny little bit.

Yeah, that’s it.