Alexander the Great is not Great

[R3d_Anonymous]

Okay so when his father, King Phillips dies, he basically is “happy” because he gets to rule - so selfish! He actually kills all of his cousins so that he has no competition. Then he kills tens of thousands of innocent Greeks, Thebes, etc. just to show that he is tough and that he should be feared. He showed no mercy. I believe he killed about 6,000 Thebes and sold the rest 30,000 into slavery, and those Thebes didn’t do anything. They were completely innocent. He walks around with this huge hat that shows he is not afraid of anyone and acts all cool and cocky. He’s so smug. Then he just goes on and on. And the reason this whole thing is so bad is because he does this just so he can be in control of a huge amount of land stretching from Western Greece to Eastern India. So all that merciless killing and selfish behavior towards his family just so he can essentially rule the whole area is way over the top. I mean someone needed to control this guy.

People thought he was remarkable because he was strong and was able to create a huge empire, so they gave him the name of “Alexander the Great”, but really I think the “Great” doesn’t belong there at all

[smiling_bandit]

I can’t decide whether this is incredibly insipid or goes all the way around in parodic brilliance.

[Shagnasty]

@Anonymous User

…so they gave him the name of “Alexander the Great”, but really I think the “Great” doesn’t belong there at all

People complained that something seemed amiss when he called himself simply Alexander The.

[R3d_Anonymous]

@Shagnasty

People complained that something seemed amiss when he called himself simply Alexander The.

Oh yeah, I forgot. But you get the idea.

[Simplicio]

I’m just worried about what we’re going to do when a better Alexander comes along. Call the new guy “Alexander the Really Great”? “Alexander the Great the Second”?

[billfish678]

T-Bone perhaps?

[Marley23]

The OP is not your best work, Mr. Hitchens.

[AncientHumanoid]

And what’s up with that airline food?

[Revtim]

Now that’s a timely pitting.

[KRC]

His army also brought Ringeck Parrots back to Europe. They are magical talking animals (at least that’s what his soldiers thougt) and if inbred can be very aggressive. I think he started the inbreeding.

Might be the only reason why a 110 human winds up in terror of a 7 ounce bird. Got to hand to Ol’ Al, he knew how to make a deadly weapon.

[Little_Nemo]

All I know is he had sex with Rosario Dawson and I respect him for that.

[TroutMan]

@smiling_bandit

I can’t decide whether this is incredibly insipid or goes all the way around in parodic brilliance.

Look at some other posts by the OP and I think the answer will be clear.

[3trew]

@Simplicio

I’m just worried about what we’re going to do when a better Alexander comes along. Call the new guy “Alexander the Really Great”? “Alexander the Great the Second”?

Ankh-Morpork underworld style. “Alexander the Greater than Alexander the Great but not as great as Alexander the Really Great”.

[Boyo_Jim]

@Simplicio

I’m just worried about what we’re going to do when a better Alexander comes along. Call the new guy “Alexander the Really Great”? “Alexander the Great the Second”?

Oh, there are so many choices: Super Alexander, The Incredible Alexander, Alexander the Batman, The Green Alexander, The League of Extraordinary Alexander, etc.

[Kobal2]

@Simplicio

I’m just worried about what we’re going to do when a better Alexander comes along. Call the new guy “Alexander the Really Great”? “Alexander the Great the Second”?

Me, I’ve got more empathy for all the Alexanders who were almost as good but not quite - Alexander the Quite Alright, Alexander the Very Decent, Alexander the More Than Adequate, Alexander the Above Average and Alexander the Great-ish.

[John_Mace]

What’s next: Peanuts are not nuts?

And what about ol’ Ivan? Was he really that terrible? Even to his mum?

[John_DiFool]

@smiling_bandit

I can’t decide whether this is incredibly insipid or goes all the way around in parodic brilliance.

Poe lives!

[Boyo_Jim]

@John_Mace

What’s next: Peanuts are not nuts?

And what about ol’ Ivan? Was he really that terrible? Even to his mum?

No nuts are nuts. The appropriate term is psychologically unbalanced.

[Boyo_Jim]

@Kobal2

Me, I’ve got more empathy for all the Alexanders who were almost as good but not quite - Alexander the Quite Alright, Alexander the Very Decent, Alexander the More Than Adequate, Alexander the Above Average and Alexander the Great-ish.

The biggest losers are an even lower tier of Alexanders, that might have not been rated so poorly if Alexander wasn’t so great. Perhaps Alexander the Douchebag would have made it as high as Alexander the Cleaning Kit.

[Elmer_J.Fudd]

The fellow who coined the epithet, Callisthenes lived long enough to regret it.

During the first years of Alexander’s campaign in Asia, Callisthenes showered praises upon the Macedonian conqueror. As the king and army penetrated further into Asia, however, Callisthenes’ tone began to change. He began to sharply criticize Alexander’s adoption of Persian customs, with special scorn for Alexander’s growing desire that those who presented themselves before him perform the servile ceremony of proskynesis. Callisthenes was later implicated in a treasonous conspiracy and thrown into prison, where he died from torture or disease.