I’m afraid I’m not an avid enough gamer to give any decent Top Ten list (assuming we’re talking about IBM PC games and not Commodore era stuff). I still enjoy Civ II (bought III but never really got into it), played my share of Doom and had a lot of fun with Fallout but that’s about it. I will, however, share my experiences with the worst game I ever played because mocking games is more fun than lauding them anyway.
With that in mind, I present: Enemy Nations.
I should reinforce that I’m not much of a gamer. So I’m not really sure where Enemy Nations realistically ranks in the world of combat simulations. However, one afternoon after watching some war program on the History Channel, I thought “you know, I should get a combat simulation game and have the fun of ambushing enemy units, providing covering fire and stuff like that instead of the ‘bump into an icon and see who wins’ combat style of Civ II.” So I went down to the store and, after reading some box backs, decided on EN. Choose a race, build an economy on the planet and beat the hell out of the other guy. Basic enough, though the box claimed its AI was revolutionary and you’d be amazed at things like its Fog of War and other aspects.
Let’s begin with the manual. The manual starts off by bragging about how amazing this game is. It claims that its graphics can not be surpassed and in fact it’s so advanced that there’s no way in hell it can be played on existing technology and thirty years from now it’ll still be just as amazing. This may be true in a fashion: I installed it on my newer computer (it was able to play fine on my old Pentium 120MHz) and it still refuses to let me max the graphics or go beyond three opponents as it says my computer can’t hack it. The rest of the manual was fairly standard, except that they show the wrong pictures for some of the buildings and it lacks a Tech tree to let you know what you’re researching. Oh, and in the networking section it has a bit crying about how they were going to get their own Novell port until Novell learned they would let it run through other networks and then Novell took their port away from them.
The AI pathing was a thing of suck. You needed to build roads for your trucks to move on so you could ship iron and whatnot around to build units. Except half the time you’d waste precious oil building a road from point A to point B and your trucks would still decide to trundle along through a forest at .005 miles per hour. On the off chance the trucks did stay on the roads, God forbid two trucks ever meet at a corner on a theoretically two lane road. They’d spend ten minutes doing some ballet that resembled the space shuttle trying to parallel park. Your military units were much the same and you’d start wondering where your tanks were and find them halfway up a mountain where they got stuck and just gave up.
The enemy had the exact same units as you, regardless of its race. Somewhat disappointing. Its military planning was a joke, and raising the difficulty level just meant that it cheated more in production and started with more units, not that it controlled them better. Occassionally, the enemy players would spontanously chance races for no apparent reason. Not even to a better race half the time… sometimes they’d switch to the most inferior race in the game. One minute you’re fighting a military minded race of andriods, five minutes later its a bunch of Ewoks. Once you reached a certain point in the game, the computer would just give up. It’d stop producing units completely and just sit idle despite having the production capability to continue. I’d pull back, leaving their city with tank factories, mines, smelters, trucks, etc and it just didn’t care. Then again, it didn’t have to, because the game didn’t count you as the winner until you destroyed every trace of the enemy race (whatever it was at that moment). You’d literally have to waste hours scouring every inch of the planet with scout vehicles to find the one half built farm someplace and blow it up to get the “You Win!” screen after you’d already destroyed the rest of its civilization. Amazingly frustrating.
I couldn’t tell you how well the game sold; I never met anyone else who’d ever played it or even heard of it. But it did a great job of turning me off to the genre and wasting $30. Despite this, according to their website, the game is still the Second Coming and they plan to release an Enemy Nations II. God help us all.