I’m sorry, but as a whole I hate the Almish.
These people live all around me. When I first moved here, I thought great! this will be just like Witness. I’ll be surrounded by honest, plainn simple folk.
Hah.
Where to start?
Buggies:
They ride their buggies all over the road. It’s a safety hazard. At night, you see the taillights on them and assume your behind a car until you come up on them QUICK and have to slam on the brakes. Trying to pass them on these winding hilly roads is a constant flirtation with oncoming traffic. The thin hard wheels leave ruts in the road which are murderous on the suspension.
Bikes:
They ride their bikes three and four abreast in the road and refuse to perform the simple courtesy of going single file when a car comes up behind them. You have to slow down and play the Russian Roulette passing game with them again.
Trespassing and Poaching:
Deer season is all year 'round for these guys, and they don’t understand property rights. They will drive deer right through your property, marching in a skirmish line. If you catch them, they speak Dutch among themselves (obviously laughing at you,) and pretend they got lost. Every year I run into this same guy and his family. Lost. They live half a mile away. It’s not funny either. I was out walking on my property one day. One of these guys saw movement and took a shot at me! Another time, I called out to one of these tresspassers. He sullenly turned around, and his loaded gun was pointing right at me. There are bullet holes in my barn, because if these guys see a deer they shoot. They don’t worry about backstops, and such.
Women:
They oppress their women. They are hardly allowed to do anything. If you are an Almish women, you are your husband’s property. Quaint huh?
Drugs and such:
You don’t actually join the Almish church until you are 21 or something. Until then, you can do whatever you want without worrying about it. You can have a car, drink, do drugs, whatever. Teenage Almish are often pushing drugs around here. Remember that big Cocaine bust in Lancaster PA a couple of years ago? Almish.
Machines:
Total hypocrisy. Their not supposed to use modern equiptment, or anything invented after a certain year. Rubber and plastic are among these things. So they have these huge modern tractors with metal wheels, as if their is no rubber or plastic parts in the engine. Who are they fooling? Rubber feeders, the phone and electricity in the barn. What is this supposed to prove.
Language
Had to get my chainsaw fixed. I was stupid, overtightened the bar bolt and snapped a stay. I brought it to the Almish store nearby to get fixed. The guy took a look at called his brother over and started talking to him in dutch “Err, Du hinde herr du Bonn bomm”. They started pointing at me , laughing and talking Dutch. It didn’t take an interpreter to figure out that they were making fun of me. They said it would cost $100 dollars to fix, though I knew it was a simple 5 minute welding job.
They do this Dutch-speaking thing all the time, pretending like your not there as they speak among themselves right in front of you.
Social Security and the draft:
The Almish don’t pay social security and can’t get drafted. This represents one of the most successful lobbying efforts in American History.
So if you saw Witness and think the ALmish are all quaint, honest, simple, people, think again.
They should be disbanded.