Almish

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m sorry, but as a whole I hate the Almish.

These people live all around me. When I first moved here, I thought great! this will be just like Witness. I’ll be surrounded by honest, plainn simple folk.

Hah.

Where to start?

Buggies:

They ride their buggies all over the road. It’s a safety hazard. At night, you see the taillights on them and assume your behind a car until you come up on them QUICK and have to slam on the brakes. Trying to pass them on these winding hilly roads is a constant flirtation with oncoming traffic. The thin hard wheels leave ruts in the road which are murderous on the suspension.

Bikes:

They ride their bikes three and four abreast in the road and refuse to perform the simple courtesy of going single file when a car comes up behind them. You have to slow down and play the Russian Roulette passing game with them again.

Trespassing and Poaching:

Deer season is all year 'round for these guys, and they don’t understand property rights. They will drive deer right through your property, marching in a skirmish line. If you catch them, they speak Dutch among themselves (obviously laughing at you,) and pretend they got lost. Every year I run into this same guy and his family. Lost. They live half a mile away. It’s not funny either. I was out walking on my property one day. One of these guys saw movement and took a shot at me! Another time, I called out to one of these tresspassers. He sullenly turned around, and his loaded gun was pointing right at me. There are bullet holes in my barn, because if these guys see a deer they shoot. They don’t worry about backstops, and such.

Women:

They oppress their women. They are hardly allowed to do anything. If you are an Almish women, you are your husband’s property. Quaint huh?

Drugs and such:

You don’t actually join the Almish church until you are 21 or something. Until then, you can do whatever you want without worrying about it. You can have a car, drink, do drugs, whatever. Teenage Almish are often pushing drugs around here. Remember that big Cocaine bust in Lancaster PA a couple of years ago? Almish.

Machines:

Total hypocrisy. Their not supposed to use modern equiptment, or anything invented after a certain year. Rubber and plastic are among these things. So they have these huge modern tractors with metal wheels, as if their is no rubber or plastic parts in the engine. Who are they fooling? Rubber feeders, the phone and electricity in the barn. What is this supposed to prove.

Language

Had to get my chainsaw fixed. I was stupid, overtightened the bar bolt and snapped a stay. I brought it to the Almish store nearby to get fixed. The guy took a look at called his brother over and started talking to him in dutch “Err, Du hinde herr du Bonn bomm”. They started pointing at me , laughing and talking Dutch. It didn’t take an interpreter to figure out that they were making fun of me. They said it would cost $100 dollars to fix, though I knew it was a simple 5 minute welding job.

They do this Dutch-speaking thing all the time, pretending like your not there as they speak among themselves right in front of you.

Social Security and the draft:

The Almish don’t pay social security and can’t get drafted. This represents one of the most successful lobbying efforts in American History.
So if you saw Witness and think the ALmish are all quaint, honest, simple, people, think again.

They should be disbanded.

2

Don’t you mean Amish?

3

Oops.

4

My biggest problem with them is that they can’t commit to being fully Am.

I mean, they’re only Amish.

Gypsy: Tom, I don’t get you.
Tom Servo: Nobody does. I’m the wind, baby.

5

And another thing about the amish, they don’t spell their name right!

It’s pronounced “ommish” so it ought to be spelled “Almish” just like the “alms” you give to the poor.

Instead they spell it with “Am” like “I am.”

This leads to horrible embarrassment when idiots like myself screw it up.

It’s all their fault. Really.

6

It can be either pronounced “ahmish” or “aymish”. I live in Pennsylvania, also and while I’ve never had any particularly bad encounters with them I’m surprised you neglected to mention that often their horses take big ass dumps right in the middle of the road. I’ve been to Kutztown and it’s swimming in the odor of horse shit. Lovely place. Plus, Amish chicks don’t put out on the first date.

7

Wait…so… you pronouce “alms” like “omms”??!

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O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com

8

I liked this part: “This represents one of the most successful lobbying efforts in American History.”
Move over, tobacco companies! The Almish are comin’! Speaking Dutch instead of German like they’re supposed to.

9

If they are supposed to speak German, why are they called “pennsylvania Dutch?”

10

Because Pennsylvanians don’t know the difference between “Dutch” and “Deutch”.

11

Dammit! It doesn’t sound like German to me.

It’s not spelled “Deutch” on my bag of pretzels either.

You see what I mean?

12

You mean you’re an idiot?

Last time I checked they also have large triangles, and the lights are very different from car tail lights. Perhaps if you tried paying attention when you drove your car around?

While I’m normally a strong proponent of womens rights, here I have to point out that Amish women do have a choice in the matter(unlike in some other patriarchal societies.), also I’d like to see some sociological evidence of that…(not that I don’t believe you, but you’re credibility isn’t the highest it could be given that you can’t even spell Amish)

Except for the law, and such. You’re not part of the Amish church either, does that mean you can do whatever you want?

Two of them. In all of Lancaster county. Teen age Amish are not all drug dealers.

In a word, Wrong.

Possibly that they are living separate from the world?

This even looks like german, are you serious that you think they were speaking dutch? I mean I can understand that you might have had the misconception that they spoke dutch(PA dutch and all), but this is obviously german.

Not being there I can’t say with certainty, but thats a common misconception about people speaking other languages.

Using only equipment Ok’ed by the local pastor, and of course implying a complete familiarity with the device…right? In any case, if you don’t like it, go somewhere else.

How dare they! Not talking so you can understand it! They should only speak their on language where no one else can hear it. And don’t get me started on that whole “spanish” thing I’ve started to hear.

So? they’re mostly farmers(and so wouldn’t get drafted), have a religious objection to serving(as do Quakers and Mennonites) and don’t collect social security. Deal with it.

[quoteThis represents one of the most successful lobbying efforts in American History. [/quote]

Them Amish lawyers sure are sneaky, aren’t they.

Wait, you mean Hollywood wasn’t completely accurate about something?? Nah, couldn’t be.

Thats a good idea. Can we disband the Jews as well? How about those Catholics?

Still later, Gerald did a terrible thing to Elsie with a saucepan.

13

Scylla, ol’ buddy, it sounds to me like you are prejudiced against the Amish.

14

No VO Da DA:

“You mean you’re an idiot?”

As far as this thread goes, Yes. Now it appears I have company.

"Last time I checked they also have large triangles, and the lights are very different
from car tail lights. "

THey are supposed to have the triangles on at night. They don’t always do so. The lights are identical to cars.

“Amish women do have a choice in the matter(unlike in some other patriarchal
societies.), also I’d like to see some sociological evidence of that…(not that I don’t
believe you, but you’re credibility isn’t the highest it could be given that you can’t
even spell Amish)”

You have a point about credibility. To what choice are you referring? Oh, I suppose they could leave their families, communities and religion, and strike off on their own, endereducated, naive, penniless, and unfamiliar with the world. Great choice.

“Except for the law, and such.”

True. But it still seems pretty hypocritical.

“Two of them. In all of Lancaster county. Teen age Amish are not all drug dealers.”

True. But it’s a real problem around here, and it’s a lot more than two. It may sound amusing to city-dwellers, but around here most of the drug pushers tend to be Amish.

“In a word, Wrong.”

Really? Wow. Care to be more specific? Of course not. There is no really consistent basis among the Amish for what they use and don’t use. As far as I can determine from observation, it’s a pure affectation. If you know differently I’d love to hear it.

"“Err, Du hinde
herr du
Bonn bomm”.

                 This even looks like german, are you serious that you think they were speaking dutch?
                 I mean I can understand that you might have had the misconception that they spoke
                 dutch(PA dutch and all), but this is obviously german."

Actually that’s not a direct quote. It’s some nonsense words I made up to illustrate my point.

I realize that it’s a common misconception to think that people talking a different language are actually insulting you. I feel that it was rather obvious since they were pointing and laughing.

Since it was a shop that sold that particular brand of chainsaw and also serviced it, I doubt they were unfamiliar. In point of fact, I did go elsewhere, and got it fixed and sharpened for about $20.00.

I think it’s reasonable to be miffed when you are suddenly excluded from the conversation. It’s simply rude to do so.

“So? they’re mostly farmers(and so wouldn’t get drafted)”

Oh yeah I forgot, as a farmer you are automatically immune from the draft.

I see that you made no mention of my being shot at, or the recurring tresspassing and poaching. My experience with the latter is quite common.
(note to self: If you don’t post ignorant drunken ramblings late at night, you are not forced to defend them in the morning.)
Peyote Coyote:

Actually I started out rather enamored with the Amish. It’s my experience that has made me prejudiced.

15

From a long-ago David Letterman List of Top Ten Amish Pickup Lines:

  • “Thy buggy has a bitchin’ lacquer job.”
  • “Art thee up for a barnraising?”
  • “Let’s party like it’s 1799!”

Launcher may train without warning.

16

Well, first off they’re not that unfamilliar with the world. During their teenage years Amish(or potentially Amish really) are encouraged to explore and learn about the outside world in order to make an informed choice. And about 25% of them chose not to be Amish. I’m not sure of the gender breakdown here, but I would be surprised if it was an awfully large difference.

What, that because they’re not in the church they don’t have to follow the rules of that church? (and it’s not like their families are encouraging it either)

Hm, I’ll have to look into that when I go home this summer…(where is the area that you’re talking of…(not that I’m prying here, just curious)

All right then. The Amish believe in living apart from society as a whole. They believe in living “simply”, ie free from what they consider to be distractions from following God. This is the reason they dress the way they do(simply) and the reason that they do not use certain technological devices. There is no set doctrine on what devices are acceptable and what aren’t, to the best of my knowledge. For the most part, things that use electricity are not acceptable. The Amish are not an awfully hierarchical church though(fitting in with the Anabaptist tradition), so for the most part what is and what is not acceptable is governed by the local pastor. Some pastors are pretty liberal and will allow phones on the properties(though never in the house)(and usually for business use) and others won’t. Technology beyond a certain date is not considered evil by the Amish, but it is something they chose to forgo as part of remaining separate from society.

I was aware of that, however your nonsense words, well, look german(in fact, some of them are german).

All right, comment withdrawn. However, you still don’t know what they were laughing about…(was it “look at the silly english man trying to fix his chainsaw, lets rip him off” or was it “look, he’s wearing a hat just like zeke was when he fell down the well…”)

And thus capitalism keeps on working.

Perhaps you should consider trying to learn Pennsylvania Dutch (deutsch) then? In any case, remember that for the Amish, english is a second language.

I’m not sure of it’s immediate, but yes. There is a farming exemption-which is why my grandfather did not serve in WWII(or rather why he did not have to move to Canada or fake an injury or something).

Mostly cause those have little to nothing to do with being Amish, I’ve been told that many people do that sort of thing. The proper response is to post signs saying “no trespassing” and call the police if they do. Just like you would do if someone who wasn’t Amish was doing the same thing.

17

I live in So. Central Pa.

I’m not saying all Amish or bad. My experience has been overwhelmingly negative.

I’m trying to have an ignorant rant here and your insistence on reason is seriously cramping my style. :slight_smile:

A couple of points though.

A religion that does not recquire morality until they reach adulthood and “join the church” is not a great thing for the neighbors who have to put up with Their children’s sowing wild oats.

Though less than 25% of my nearby neighbors are Amish, 90% of the trespassers and poachers I’ve had to deal with for the last seven years are Amish.

In my experience I have found the Amish universally rude, inconsiderate, and disrespectful. I routinely post my property, and when I catch somebody trespassing I take their picture, get some ID, and notify the police when it’s feasible to do so.

Confonting several armed people illegally on youur property is not a pleasant experience, and I bitterly resent the repeated necessity to do so.

I also resent being shot at.

I’ve already mentioned that I started out with a rather positive opinion of the Amish. Experience with the local population has changed that.

I do post my property

18

I just looked up in the online Encyclopedia Britannica what language the Amish speak. I knew that they spoke German and not Dutch, but I wasn’t sure about whether they spoke High German (standard German) or Low German (the dialect of the northernmost part of Germany). Low German is so different that perhaps it should be considered a separate language, and it’s got many resemblances to Dutch. But no, the Amish migrated from southern Germany (and even partly from Switzerland and Austria). The encyclopedia described their dialect as being Palatine German. The Palatine is a region of southern Germany.

I’m not so sure about farmers ever being exempt from the draft. My father was liable to being drafted in World War II, and he was a farmer. Furthermore, I don’t recall any of my classmates discussing how they couldn’t get drafted during the Vietnam War because they had a farming exemption (and I grew up on a farm).

19

Scylla,

I don’t understand your point about the Amish “not requiring morality” until someone reaches 21 (or whatever the age is). Most churches has some ceremony during the teenage years during which one becomes a full member of the church. Members of Roman Catholic religious orders don’t take their final vows until they are 24, I think. In any case, nearly all denominations make a distinction between their young not-quite-members and their adult full members. This is different from saying that the young people are exempt from morality. Rather, this is saying that one should wait until they are adults so they can make fully informed decisions.

20

As you can see, I’m rather ignorant on the subject, but I beleive it’s a little different with the Amish.

Because the Amish religion is so restrictive, it’s my understanding that they are encouraged to go a little hog-wild in their younger years.

I know that some have cars, and drink heavily as well as experiment with drugs at this stage (not that this makes them all that different from myself as a teenager)

Adding encouragement to these propensities however is not a particularly good thing in my opinion.