Alzheimer's

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Indulge me if you will, a little background.

My father has Alzheimer’s disease, and has had it for 10 years or so. Not sure if any of you can relate or not, but there are times it gets the best of me. My mom and dad have been married for 58 years. They retired when I was 20, and started to travel around the country. Mom finally made them settle back down when she noticed he was having a problem parking their travel trailer. They bought some land, 3 hours outside of Dallas, so they would not have to deal with the traffic and be “closer” to their kids in case of a problem.

Currently he is in a nursing home, and my mother goes to see him twice a day. Recently my mother sent me a photo of the two of them with a priest (they are catholic) proudly displaying a certificate from the Pope for their long marriage. It made me cry.

Thinking back on my childhood is a mixed basket of feelings. My father was an alcoholic and was not a nice drunk for the most part. If he was sober, he was the dearest man. I remember when he got home from work, he would start a load of clothes, or mow the grass or fix something. Every Friday he would start dinner for my mom, you see Fridays were my mom’s night off from cooking. There were bad times, way too many to count that as a child made me very fearful of him. I would rather remember the good times, though my father is far from sainthood.

Why am I writing this? On June 5th Ronald Regan passed away from the very disease my father has. I cried for 3 days for his family, knowing what they have endured. Shoot it makes me cry trying to type this right now. I am not sure how much longer I will have my father. At this point he does not remember who I am, but I still worship the ground he walks on, and it breaks my heart to see the man I remember from my childhood, in a wheelchair with the mentality of an infant.

Nancy Regan is correct on this point, Alzheimer’s is a long goodbye, a very painful goodbye at that.

Sorry for the post. It has taken me this long to build up the courage to post this. If you run into anyone that has a family member affected with this disease be kind. I am finding myself a lot more thin skinned, than I have ever been in my life. I find myself more prone to crying than ever before. I guess I am fearful I may end up just like that.

2

Here’s a hug for you (( T )). I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer’s. It’s very difficult to see the person that taught you how to tell time and count money reach the point where she doesn’t know who you are. I think people who haven’t lost a loved one to this disease can’t fully appreciate all the little things that hurt so much.

It is a long, painful goodbye.

Best wishes to you and yours.

3

Tiggrkitty, I’m so sorry to hear about your father’s condition. :frowning: A friend of my mother’s also has Alzheimers and is in a nursing home. My mom tries to visit her every week. It’s hard to see her because I remember how independent she was and how much she liked to be out and about, and now she has to have people help her with almost everything. She has no short-term memory, so she’ll ask a question and then ask the same question five minutes later. She has no children, and her sister (who has a serious illness herself) and nephew don’t get over there very often.

4

Five years ago my father’s older brother was a professor at an Ivy League University. He had taught for years and was widely loved and respected, even featured in the promotional materials the University used to lure incoming students. He had a quick wit and a lively mind and was known for intellectually challenging his students.

His students began to notice he was repeating things, telling them things he had already told them, etc. He was diagnosed with dementia and retired soon after.

2-3 years ago he didn’t recognize me, who he has known my whole life.
Now he doesn’t recognize anyone including his wife, brother or sister. He is in a facility that is considered very good and his wife visits him almost every day. But the person there isn’t really the man she married, to me he died several years ago.

We are watching my father closely for similar symptoms. What makes it worse for him is that fact that he KNOWS we are watching for such things.

5

Thank you John and Angel for the kind words. I am sorry you have/are experiencing the same heartache as myself. My father’s disease has progressed to the point where he can no longer speak. It’s like he tries to talk, but what comes out is completely garbled, like what an infant does when learning to speak.

I know the end is fairly near, and I dread the day when my mom calls to tell me. I am not sure how I will feel. Part of me will be happy he has been released from this dreadful curse of the human race and another part of me will die of heartbreak.

LL, I truly hope your father is spared. My dad does not reconize my mom at this point, but her love for him is never ending. I am amazed at her devotion to him, even though he does not know who she is. She is by his side at breakfast and dinner, to make sure he is eating well and making sure the nursing home is taking excellent care of him. If she so much notices a bruise on him she wants to know why. I am very sorry your uncle has been struck down with the disease. It is never easy to watch a loved one go this way.

My hope is when it is my time to go, it’s quick. I really do not want to die that way, not so much for myself because I wouldn’t know what was going on, but for my beloved spouse. I would hate for Cardsfan to endure the heartbreak of me not laughing and joking around with him, or knowing who he was.

6

I am so sorry to hear about this Tiggrkitty. It is a very horrible disease and no one should have to suffer through it.

My grandmother had Alzheimers. My parents first noticed something wrong when she kept getting in (thank og, minor) car accidents. They took her keys and license away and she lived on her own for another 6 months. After that, they moved her in with us. It was very difficult watching this well respected and loved woman deteriorate this way. Changing your grandmother’s diapers is not my idea of spending quality time together - but that is what it came to. She had moments where she was very nasty and other moments where you couldn’t tell anything was wrong with her.

My grandmother was spared from the last stage of this disease. She had a stroke and heart attack one night. It wasn’t easy to say goodbye, but at least in her last moments of life she could walk and talk - albeit, not necessarily coherently at all times, but she could talk nonetheless.

Just try to remember him as the man he used to be. Remember the good times. And if it helps, try to remember some of the funny things he did in the beginning stages of Alzheimers. That was the one thing that made the disease more bearable for our family. The time my grandmother put my cats litterbox in the middle of the living room. When we asked her why, she said the cat told her to put it there. That’s one of my favorite memories. The other one is the one time after I moved out, my parents needed a weekend away, so they asked me to watch my grandmother and my little sister (who was 17) for the weekend. My husband and I went out to dinner and when we got home my grandmother was standing there with her arms crossed tapping her foot. When I asked what was wrong, she said that we had taken too long and we were grounded. These memories, as hard as it is to think of her in the grips of this terrible disease, makes it a little less heartbreaking.

Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. {{Hug}}

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Aww. Kitenlm thanks so much for the smiles this brought. Before my dad was totally out of it, my mother told me he would put candy wrappers in the toes of her shoes. (Dang brat). Mom would start to put her shoes on and hit the candy wrappers and think there was a bug in there. She said dad would just laugh at her, very much like a mischievious kid. (perhaps this is where I get my mischievious side) I had forgotten about that until you mentioned the litterbox and the above.

This disease is so odd. You think in the beginning it is just old age settling in, but then it turns really bad in such a short time. There really isn’t time to say all the things you want to say before they no longer comprehend you. I hope in his heart my dad knows how much I have always loved and admired him. Now more than ever. He was and still is my hero. He was my defender of night time creepy crawlies, my mentor of all things mechanical/electrical. He taught me how to be the handy"man" and do it yourself homeowner, the car mechanic and so much more. He never looked upon me as a “girlie girl”, instead I was someone wanting to learn and he was there to teach.

Oh, how I am going to be a blithering idiot when he passes. I really hope God has a special place for him. He has had such a rough time of it and he deserves so much more dignity than what the disease has left him with.

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Tiggrkitty, I am so sorry.

My grandpa had Alzheimer’s before he died, and it was so tragic, but in a lot of ways it was a relief. He was very frail and had endured numerous other health conditions that had left him, among other things, blind. A few years after his death, my grandma was diagnosed with the disease. This has been more difficult for me, because apart from the Alzheimer’s, she seems to be in good health. It’s hard to see her looking like grandma, and even acting like grandma, as much as she can, but she doesn’t remember who I am. She’s still alive but she lives 2000 miles away from me and I doubt I will ever see her again.

My grandpa loved golf, gardening, and the Nebraska Cornhuskers. He worked for the Union Pacific railroads and always had a joke ready. My grandma was a delivery room nurse - she actually helped with the birth of her future son-in-law! She was the quintessential grandma who loved to spoil her grandkids. I have her engagement ring, a simple gold band that I wear every day. They raised five daughters. Devout Catholics, they too received a blessing from the Pope at their 50th wedding anniversary.

I miss them both.

9

I should have mentioned that we realize now that my grandmother probably also had Alzheimer’s before she died although it wasn’t diagnosed as that back then (late 1960s). When my Uncle (her oldest child) turned up with it we began to worry that there might be a strong genetic disposition in our family, which isn’t always the case.

Thanks for your kind words Tiggerkitty.

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My husband’s grandfather is in a nursing home. He has alzheimer’s. He’s in his 80’s. When we go to see him he does not know who we are and I think he’s a little afraid of my husband. He does like to see our children though. Everyone in the nursing home cheers a little and sits a little straighter when we come in with the kids. My heart breaks for all of them wether they have alzheimer’s or not.

My husband’s father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 2 years ago. He is 57 years old. My inlaw’s dreams of retiring and travelling are gone. My FIL doesn’t work any more. He mostly sits at home and watches TV.

We all got together today for Father’s day and had breakfast. He did not want to join us for breakfast. He’s embarassed by his condition. In talking about grandpa he told us that “I have Alzheimer’s too and that’s what is in store for me” to which I replied “This is why we want to spend time with you now!” Not that we won’t do our best to help him later - but these are his best days and we should all enjoy them as best we can.

Alzheimer’s is a cruel disease. Sometimes life just sucks.

11

Tiggrkitty, I think I know where you are coming from. My uncle, who I posted about in a thread about him, died the same day Reagan did, after the same “long goodbye”, June 6, the anniversary of D-Day. I prefer to remember him as I’d never known him, a member of a tank battalion that went ashore at Normandy less than 24 hours after the invasion started. That skinny little guy was all over Europe, and in Amsterdam at the end of the war in Europe, so maybe he was there on May 5th too, I don’t know for sure.

You are taking the best route. Remember the things that made you happy, and let the rest go now. It is so hard, but keep posting here as needed. As you can tell, there are a lot of us who can help. Take care, keep in touch, and I will remember you in my prayers in church tomorrow.

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Kyla, and Tanookie thank you for sharing your experiences. There are so many of us out here that are affected by the disease that don’t actually have it. I really hope that some day soon they can find a cure or medication that will stop the progression.

Baker, thank you for your kind words. My father served in the Navy and was all over the place as well. He had some remarkable stories to tell.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences and kind words. It really helps with this emotional rollercoaster I am on right now. When I think of all the happier times with my family it’s great, but then a flash of memory of what he is now and I come crashing down to reality. I have never felt such emotional pain, in my life. You are totally helpless to do anything in this situation, forced to sit on the sidelines while the disease runs it’s course.

Thank you for your prayers.