Am I a homophobe?

About two years ago, after finishing school, I moved to Fort Lauderdale to get a job. Upon settling in, I joined a gym.

I’m not terribly particular about gyms. I don’t want to spend a fortune, but I do want enough free weights that I won’t be waiting in any lines. Anything better than that (i.e. nice, new chrome weights) is gravy.

So, I found a gym that looked perfect. It was half way between home and work, not too expensive, clean, and had plenty of equipment.

Little did I realize at the time that Fort Lauderdale has a sizable gay population, and that this gym was known to be a “gay” gym. I started to notice something was amiss when I realized that it was about 99% guys (there was one woman bodybuilder I always saw, and maybe one other woman), and that the guys seemed to be trying to make eye contact. My suspicions were confirmed when a co-worker, when told about where I worked out, laughingly told me it was known to be a “meat market” for gay men.

Ultimately, I left for another gym with a regular mix of people. The decision, though, has always troubled me. I consider civil rights to be of utmost importance, and I don’t believe that mantra stops at sexual preference. So, is leaving a predominantly gay gym homophobic?

IMO, my decision was justified. One of the reasons I enjoy the gym is the atmosphere (in my experience, a mix of a few weirdos, some big muscleheads, and a selection of smokin’ hot women amongst the regular Joe’s), and this gym didn’t provide that atmosphere. Plus, it was a place where many people were going to socialize; that’s an irritant to me, as I like going to the gym to workout and go home (the pretty women are nice to look at, and a good source of motivation, but I’m too reticent to converse). My current gym includes some gay men, and that doesn’t bother me at all.

I’d be interested to know what you think.

No, I don’t think so. You don’t seem to care whether their are gay men around as long as they aren’t regularly trying to hit on you.

I’d personally avoid a gym that’s known primarily as a heterosexual meatmarket, too. Not that it would be an issue for my matronly self these days.

This paragraph sums it up for me. The gym you left was used for a lot of socializing and that wasn’t what you wanted. To be honest, I wouldn’t want to work out at a meat-market type gym either.

I’m gay and I don’t go the mostly-gay gym in West Hollywood cause those guys work out all the time and make me feel inadequate. :slight_smile:

What she said. Wanting out of a gym because there are a lot of gay guys there is a little homophobic. Wanting out of a gym because there are a lot of gay guys there who go there with the implied reason of scoping out and/or meeting other sweaty gay guys while working out, and you, simply by being there, are assumed to be one of them is not homophobic at all.

Hope that helps! :smiley:

NO, No, you are justified in your answer, I don’t think you are a homophobe. You want to do one thing at a gym, workout, and do little socializing without being hit on or scoped out by the same sex. Now that can happen at a straightish gym too, but not as much as at an openingly homosexual gym, of either gender.

Whether they should be or not, gyms are basically alcohol-free bars, just like coffee shops. They’re as much for socializing as anything else, so there’s no reason you shouldn’t frequent one that has what you want, and makes you feel comfortable.

If I went to a gym that had a meat market type atmosphere, homosexual or heterosexual, I’d run the other way as fast as I could as soon as I realized that was what it was. I’m very uncomfortable in that sort of environment. Sounds like you were uncomfortable in the environment at your previous gym, and I think that’s a legitimate reason to leave.

Now, if you thought your previous gym should be shut down because it’s a homosexual meat market, that would be homophobic. I was going to say it would be homophobic to go around telling people at your old gym how homosexuality is a sin, but actually I think it would be pretty funny if one of the sort of people who go around spouting that kind of garbage tried that with weightlifters in a gym…

I suppose running away would count as Cardio

Another ‘no’ here. Not wanting to get hit on or checked out is the reason many women join women-only gyms (so keep this in mind around the hot women at your mixed/hetero place).

Yes you are, but I’ll forgive you for $450. Just paypal me. :cool:

Homophobe is an overused term. It implies, if only to me, some degree of fanaticism. I don’t think being more comfortable around people who are more like you when you’re engaged in highly physical acts is what anybody would qualify as homophobia. It’s no different than the fact I probably wouldn’t feel comfortable hanging out at a mostly redneck/black/yuppie bar when I’m none of those things.

Heh. When I saw the title, I came in here assuming my response would be, “If you have to ask the question, then you probably are.” But as a gay guy, I don’t have a major issue with your decision. You might have stuck it out a little longer to see if getting hit on was actually going to be a problem; as long as you’re able to work out un-harassed, I don’t see the problem with other people socializing. But I’m with you on the “get in, work out, and split” preference. I know some people find the gym to be a sexually charged environment, but when I’m working out, sex is pretty much the last thing on my mind.

So the girl with the fake breasts wearing the spandex hotpants doesn’t want to be ogled? :confused:

I’m hot and have a big-ish (real) rack, and while I don’t want to be stared at or ogled, I still work out in spandex. it’s just that my polyester muumuu gets so hot on the elliptical trainer.

I don’t think I’d like a gym that had a “meat market” vibe straight or gay. The place made you feel awkward because there was an expectation that you were also partly there to play a social game when you were not. Being uncomfortable in that circumstance is justifiable to me without worries of homophobia.

My sister is gay and I’ve gone out to bars in the village a many times with her. I used to sometimes feel awkward, but not because I was uncomfortable with the people around me (heck, with my sister and all her friends my 20-something years were like the Mardi Gras). It’s just that I felt like I was misrepresenting myself. If a guy would come up to chat me up, I felt like a real heel, as if I was, by my very presence in that particular bar, misleading him into thinking I was on the prowl. Then I didn’t want to seem rude or homophobic by telling him “I’m straight” like I was all squicked out and trying to brush him off. But I didn’t want the guy to think he was chatting up an available single guy who’d be mutually interested. Bottom line: I’d feel like a fraudulent boob.

I’m better at dealing with crossed signals these days. I still can’t tell if guys are flirting with me half the time, but I have more of a sense of humour when such misunderstandings occur. I look a lot like my sister so when she’s around people usually figure out I’m just her “dutch boy”.

Now I’m trying to imagine a barful of redneck black yuppies.

“Hey, y’all, come see the new rims I got for my Volvo!”

And dodging blows is like taebo. Sounds like an excellent workout plan!

“Hey, y’all, come see the new rims I got for my Volvo, dawg!”

Of course I read your username as Atomick Mom and wondered why gay men were ogling you. :wink:

You went to finishing school? In France or Switzerland?

(It was the first thing I thought of when I saw the OP. Sorry.)

Atomicktom, you officially fit into this message board. :slight_smile:

You made me laugh outloud with that one!

:smiley:

Wait - a Volvo is a yuppy car?