I think for the position you’re in at the moment and the location of the wedding, it would work out best for everyone involved if you declined the invitation to be the matron-of-honour and you and your daughter attended the wedding as guests instead. I was matron-of-honour for my younger sister a couple of years ago, and trust me when I say you don’t need this stress on top of what you’re already doing right now. Go as a guest, have fun, see your friend again, instead of being stressed and resenting her and all the time and money being the matron-of-honour will entail.
Wow. I wasn’t able to take time off from my (relatively new) job and I got to my best friend’s wedding the day before the wedding. I wish I had been able to take more time, but whatever, she totally understood, and we had an awesome time.
Is there a reason you can’t just tell your friend that you can’t do it, as other posters have been saying, for the reasons you give, and offer to downgrade to bridesmaid or even just guest?
Also, presumably there will be lots of relatives and such there for the wedding… can you get one of them to babysit during the bachelorette party? Or at least to recommend a good babysitter?
If she is a true friend, she will understand your issues. If she gets upset because you can’t put your life on hold for two weeks for a wedding (and seriously? weddings are nice, but they are not All That), then I think you don’t have a best friend to start with, you have someone who’s thinking it’s all about her.
What are the other people in the wedding party saying about this two-week extravaganza? I can’t imagine you are the only one who might have problems with this, unless everyone she knows is a college kid with no actual summer plans. (I always had events and/or jobs in the summers myself.)
“I’m sorry. I can’t give up two weeks prep work for your special day. I am honored but please select someone else as you maid-of-honor.”
Or:
“Two weeks! Screw that, I’ll give you four days and you should be thankful for that. And don’t call me to do the prep work for your first birth.”
I think this is great advice. Be honest with your friend and let her make the decision if she still wants you as MOH or if she wants to replace you with someone who lives nearby.
what everbody else said: bridezilla is totally out of line with two weeks.
geez, i love my sis and was her maid of honor, but not even for her would i have given her two weeks of my life for a wedding! you know the old saying ‘familiarity breeds contempt?’ 
so true…
your first duty is to your child and (likely) job and not to her, friendship notwithstanding. in any case, i highly doubt you’re going to get two weeks vac right off the bat - not as a new hire. use that as your excuse if nothing else.
So, update:
Thanks to all of you, when she called me a while ago, I segued some wedding talk to the two week expectation. I was so wrapped up in the Kid situation that I didn’t even stop and consider the vacation time situation (and I should have, I am so embarrassed).
She did not seem to understand that I couldn’t just say this was an unchangeable commitment when I get a job. I told her that I needed a job, that the whole purpose of going back to school was to get a good job, etc. She said she needed to discuss this with Groom, and I said I understand completely.
I’m a little hurt, because we are both in our mid-30s, and went back to school at the same time (how we ended up in different cities), and it just seems like now that she found Groom, she wants to temp, and doesn’t understand that I am looking for a permanent job. Maybe I’m overreacting, or projecting - like I said, I’m lacking perspective.
As for the bachelorette party, hiring a sitter would be a challenge. My daughter is very shy around strangers, but that isn’t a deal breaker in any way. And Bride may know some really nice people that Kid might like. I guess we’ll have to see what Bride and Groom decide in their conversation.
Thanks again for the reality checks!
NO. You are not. Good job and thanks for the update!
If you do have to bring your daughter, for any length of time, please be patient with her. Say “Good morning” to her every morning, and every night, say “Good night honey; I love you.” And in between those times, try to exchange a few words with her that are not “Shut up” or “You’d better eat that.” I’d actually try to talk the bride out of this reading nonsense. Let your daughter stay with grandma and grandpa, or whoever’s your fallback caregiver, for the duration. Weddings are not for kids, and it’s not a good idea to drag your kid along like a purse when you happen to be invited to one.
Regardless of whether or not you should tell a brand-new employer that you’ve made an “unchangeable commitment,” TWO WEEKS is crazeballs. THAT’S the issue here - it’s much more reasonable to tell a brand-new employer “I have an unchangeable commitment for three days for a wedding on these dates” than to ask for what is probably going to be your entire vacation allotment.
The bride needs to understand that two weeks is an outrageously unreasonable expectation.
You are not overreacting. And no bride needs to discuss a Matron-of-Honor issue with a groom.
In the weeks leading up to a wedding, the MOH may indeed need to help the bride with a lot of last-minute stuff. If she needs that, she needs to pick a local MOH to help her.
If you have over a year to plan a wedding, you do not need to take 2 weeks before the wedding to get shit ready.
What does she want you to do for 2 weeks?!
It’s really not normal to want this, whether or not you are a single mom, a married mom, a jobless mom, a mom with a job, or a person with no job and no kids and no pets.
I hardly think you are lacking perspective, except in perhaps the wrong direction! Are you usually the go along to get along type? Because I can’t fathom having any reaction to your friends “wedding two weeks” requirement other than to think she is nuts.
or hire someone, there are people you can pay to help with your wedding.
Not to mention that many employers won’t actually let you take two consecutive weeks of vacation, regardless of how much PTO you’re allotted or how much time you’ve been there. It’s just too big a headache to juggle the workload to other people for that long a stretch.
Run. Away.
Run away NOW. This woman is completely divorced from reality and reason, and if you stay involved in this wedding you are entering a world of shit. Someone who doesn’t understand why you can’t just up and take two weeks off work to dance attendance on them for their wedding is also not going to understand why you can’t spend $1000 on a dress and shoes, or buy them a wedding present off their Wedgewood and Waterford registry, or spend the day before the wedding spray painting the brown areas in the grass at the site, or separate out the different colors of candies so each favor has the same number of each color, or some other Bridezillas bullshit.
Please allow me to underline and highlight this. Gazing into my crystal ball, I predict that you will not remain friends with this person after her Wedding Extravaganza is over for just these reasons if you remain her Matron-of-Honour without putting some serious boundaries on her.
Allow me to agree with both of the cat women (CrazyCatLady and CatWhisperer) regarding the recommendation to run. away. now.
In fact, I doubt you’ll remain friends with her at all now that you’ve informed her you won’t be able to dedicate two weeks of your life to being her MOH/slave. If she didn’t understand that her requests were ridiculous, she’ll just end up thinking that you Weren’t There For Her during The Most Important Time Of Her Life.
Ahahahahahaha.
The groom does not have an opinion.
You have got to be f**king kidding me. You need to graciously back out of this, and say that you’re really sorry, but your responsibilities prevent you from being the MOH. The sooner you get away, the better.
I don’t understand why she has to discuss it with the groom at all? I truly do not understand either what she expects you to do for two weeks, or why what her fiance has to say about it matters, or any of it.
How has she made it to her mid-thirties without understanding that A) people do not exist solely to dance attention on her at all times, and B) people need jobs to live and sometimes this makes traveling difficult?
I don’t either, but who knows? Maybe the groom will talk some sense into her:
“Honey, look, it’s unrealistic for Kika to take two weeks off a new job in order to be here for you. Maybe a couple of days, but not two weeks. Heck, if an immediate family member dies, most places will only give you a day or two for the funeral, if that. But two weeks off a new job just to to be a matron-of-honour at the wedding of a friend? No way; you’re asking too much of Kika.”
And who knows? Maybe she will listen.
Add me to the list of people who have never heard of “the wedding two weeks.” Even the worst bridezilla of my acquaintance (a friend of an old girlfriend’s) did not require her attendants to wait on her for fourteen days prior to the Big Day.
A wedding is a day.
For bridesmaids and groomsmen, it’s probably two days, because you do kind of want at least one of your best friends there the night before.
For friends who live nearby, it’s a day for the wedding + an earlier evening for the stag/hen party.
A wedding is not two weeks. Add in your financial situation, possible job situation, and kid situation, and HELL no a wedding is not two weeks.