Am I an idiot for being bothered by this?

In My Humble Opinion
41

Well, I don’t think you’re an idiot at all - you can be bothered by whatever you like. Now personally, I’m a bit of a foodie and I know what crudités are; however, if I was talking to my super non-foodie friend I think I would have said veg tray instead if it occurred to me.

That is one thing - if you’re very into something when you’re speaking about it you tend to use more jargony words without doing it on purpose. There are lots of knitting terms that I use when I’m teaching newbys, and I usually define them when they come up, but sometimes I forget and have to be asked. I always apologize when that happens though.

BUT, based on the way you’ve described your coworker, it sounds more like she’s trying to sound very knowledgeable about the food thing. Is it possible she is intimidated by you? Perhaps she thinks you’re smarter than she is? I don’t know what your job is versus what her job is - perhaps if you do more complicated tasks, or are responsible for more important duties you might make her feel a bit dumb - could it be she’s trying to make herself feel smarter around you?

Of course, she could just be a stuck up bitch with a stick up her ass. Either is possible really.

Anyway - I wouldn’t let it get to you. Just tell her that she’s responsible for an assortment of crudités for the function and you have a colander you can lend her if needed, as you have two.

42

I’m not a complete yokel then, because I know ramekin. A couple of years ago I wouldn’t have, but I decided to try to make crème brulée once when I was feeling adventurous. It was a disaster, but I learned the word “ramekin” in the process.

It’s funny this word should come up. A few days ago, a few of my co-workers were in the break room and another co-worker made reference to the ramekins on the top of the refrigerator. Another co-worker was all, “What the hell is that?!” I explained to him what a “ramekin” is and he said something to the effect of, “Where I come from, we call those BOWLS.”

He wasn’t exactly right, but I still had to laugh in agreement.

43

I have one colander. It’s a metal one, though. :slight_smile:

44

I understood you, monstro. I don’t know why some people seem to think this is about the woman knowing more than you.

I also will note that the only reason I know the word crudite is from Food Network (from Alton Brown, specifically), as even the actual ones I’ve purchased or eaten refer to themselves as vegetable platters. I also note that Firefox’s (American English) spell checker doesn’t know it, and it’s not a new word or a less common derivation of an existing word.

I’ve never heard anyone who doesn’t speak French use a French word when there is a common English word without the person meaning to be snobby. In fact, it’s so common, it’s part of the snob stereotype. Combined with the other stuff you mention, I agree that she is coming off as a snob. Maybe she isn’t one, but she isn’t doing herself any favors with the way she is communicating.

I’d give advice, but I don’t quite know what you are comfortable with. I do think that, if something is annoying you after three years with a person, you really do need to bring it up, albeit in as unoffensive a manner as possible. But the way I would do it is to be a bit self-deprecating, and you don’t sound ready for that. I’d make it sound like I was the stupid one and that I was being irrational, but that it’s just a pet peeve.

I’m sure some other, smarter Dopers can give better advice.

45

Make a note to self: “do not agree to things I wouldn’t want to do in a million years.”

That’s 99% of tapas. Want a few recipes?

And that’s not any kind of tapa, which shows HER ignorance.

Your coworker is an ass by using words which she things she knows but does not, and by being too stupid or condescending to define the terms she uses.

46

Well, it was either take the chance you knew a word that is common enough I learned it in middle school home ec in a tiny rural community in Kentucky and have you ask, or give you the immediate definition and make it look like she thinks you’re too dumb/uncultured to know it. Would that honestly have felt less embarrassing to you? And yeah, I think crudite is certainly more common than, say, tapas.

You mean like when people talk about Snookie, or Brad and Angelina, or Wills and Kate? Yeah, I never see anybody doing that.

YoSaffBridge, y’all had store-bought veggie trays? Well, la-di-dah. :wink: Some of us didn’t have that kind of extra money to throw around.

47

I don’t want to come across as a douche, but yes. I do think she is intimidated by me. I think part of it is because I have a doctorate and she has a bachelor’s, and even though most of the people on the floor don’t have advanced degrees, she feels inferior about it. It doesn’t help that I do get wunderkind treatment that she doesn’t get (and we have both remarked how this isn’t fair). I was promoted this year; I’m not her boss, but I have to lead her and a bunch of other people now, so I have a tiny bit of nudge over her. And–this is a weird hypothesis, so I’ll understand if this is met with eyerolls–I think she’s somewhat intimidated by my non-worldiness. I don’t buy “cute” clothes or watch “cool” TV shows or talk about how “fine” certain men are. I haven’t intentionally cultivated an ethereal personality, but I know I do come across that way. I could see that being intimidating or at least strange, so I do try to partake in some pop culture just to fit in. And not all of it is bad. I’m just not into it anymore.

But I don’t think I’m intimidating intellectually. I speak in plain terms and tend to speak and think concretely. I will use flowery language in writing, like on the Straightdope, but I have a hard enough time pronouncing “regular” words to be throwing fancy ones out there in regular conversation! I think that I probably come across as slow when people first meet me simply because of the way I speak. It’s when they learn that I’m actually degreed that I get the “mad scientist” treatment. It is so not fair or accurate, but I guess if you get the bad in life, you gotta take the good too. So as far as intellect goes, I don’t think she should be all that intimidated by me. In many ways, I think she’s much smarter and sophisticated than I am.

48

I only have had cable for a couple months, but I’ve heard and used the term crudite since the '80’s. I admit that until I heard it the first time I had no idea how this term I had seen written was pronounced, but I’d seen it on enough menus and magazine articles to be familiar with it.

I think you need to cut the coworker some slack. It’s obvious from the terms you use in describing her that you just don’t like her, so even with the best of intentions, everything she says will rub you the wrong way. I, like her, am guilty of using overly precise terms when describing things in order to be clear, and I might use the term crudite to describe something a bit fancier than just generic Veggies 'n dip on a plastic tray from the deli. And when TV chefs have unusual names like Nigella and Giada and Ina, it does not seem snooty to refer to them by their first names…heck, people are always saying “did you see what Ellen did on the show yesterday?” and that’s not even an unusual name!

I think the bigger issue is that you seem overwhelmed by the logistics of organizing this tapas party (and I wouldn’t assume generic appetizers with THAT one! Tapas seems to imply a specific set of Spanish-inspired nibbles). I don’t doubt that you are capable…it just seems to be happening too fast for your comfort level, so ask for help! Or ask that the theme be changed. How have the logistics been handled in the past…potluck, sign-up sheets or catered? Where do the funds come from? You’re not an idiot, but you do seem to be letting this woman push some buttons.

49

Well, if it boosts your ego some more, I didn’t know what “tapas” were either. I have heard of tapas bars, but I always thought it was some kind of Spanish wine thing or something.

We have a history of awkward communication, this co-worker and me. If she has any intelligence, she knows that monstro does not know certain food words and tends to speak plainly. If I don’t feel embarrassed when I ask her to clarify all the other obscure terms she uses, why would I feel embarrassed by her using “vegetable tray”? I wouldn’t have.

Just because you are familiar with the word does not make it “very common”. I suspect one’s familiarity with the word is partly regional and partly interest-related. If one doesn’t put on shindigs, watch the Food Network, or weren’t fortunate enough to have taken a home economics class in middle school (which I did not), chances are they aren’t going to know that word. Big whoop on either side. I learned a new word. But it wouldn’t have been a tragedy if she had lowered herself to my level and simply said “vegetable tray”. That’s all I’m saying.

Really, though, this is a cumulation of annoyances. If this had been her first instance of using a “fancy” word, no emotion at all would have registered.

50

Neither crudites nor Gala would have made me blink, so I wouldn’t assume that she has any idea you’re unfamiliar with the terms.

51

No, these aren’t supposed to be real tapas. Just whatever-you-can-come-up-with appetizers. From talking to the other floor rep, it seems the word “tapas” was thrown out just to make the event sound more appealing. I don’t know why that would be. Appetizers sound appetizing. Tapas sound…tapafizing.

52

Your co-worker is an elitist snob. Using the word crudite for a vegetable tray just makes her look like a pompous ass. Mind you I do know what she meant. I believe it comes from the French for raw?
Anyways she’s an idiot. You’re not.
Your mistake was giving her the satisfaction of letting her know you did’t understand what she meant. You should have just kept your mouth shut and googled it.

53

Not where I have lived. Tapas is all over the place while I’d never heard the word crudités until this thread.It is totally common where I come from. Of course, since I grew up in the southwest it makes sense that I’d know tapas. My response to the person who used crudités in conversation would have been ‘Why the hell didn’t you just say vegetable tray’?. Similarly, if I was outside of the southwest and someone used tapas, I’d give the same response.

Clear communication is about using the simplest terms to get the point across. When I encounter folks who use big words where little words will do I assume that the person has something to prove about themselves. Usually they are trying to prove that they are smarter than they actually are. (Hello Sis*) Either that or they are trying to hide something **.

Slee

  • My sister does this a lot. Usually when I finish parsing her sentences I figure out that she said something rather simple.

**I’ve been known to use the ‘baffle them with b.s.’ method of customer satisfaction in the past. For example, a long time ago I worked for AOL. People would call in because their modem would connect at a slow speed. A large percentage of the time it was due to phone line noise. People would get pissed when I said that. So I came up with a little speech. ‘The nature of data transmission over analog media is such that anomalies in the negotiation process cause the transmission rate to downtrend to the appropriate level.’ Or something like that. This little speech worked well at getting the customer to stop arguing. They didn’t know what the hell I said but it sounded technical so they were o.k. with it even though all I said was that they had noise on the phone line.

54

I think people are making the common mistake of assuming their personal experience is the same as everyone else’s. I consider myself reasonably well read, and am mostly surrounded (at work and personally) by professional, well-read folks, who are fairly intelligent (some very, very intelligent). I’ve never heard the word crudités and would venture to guess that less than 20% of the people I know have, either. And based on my relatives in KY, I’m fairly sure that most people there wouldn’t know what is means, either.

Not everyone took home ec, not everyone watches food shows, and not everyone cares about food except knowing that “I like this” and “I don’t like that”, regardless of how knowledgeable or intelligent the person is otherwise.

On the other hand, I’m quite certain that virtually everyone I know here (not my relatives in KY) has heard the word “tapas”, even if some might not know exactly what it means.

If this were the first encounter of this type that the OP has had, I’d suggest that the co-worker in question is just making the same mistake of assuming that everyone must know something because she has known it for a long time. Given that OP has requested clarification in similar situations before, though, I vote for the co-worker being insecure, elitist, or just an ass.

55

Neither. You’re just way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way over-reacting, evidently because you already dislike this person.

Despite the fact that you may not have heard it, crudites is not at all an uncommon word. Possibly it might be regarded as snobbish if you were really in some really remote rural area, but your location indicates you are in a major urban area. I would expect many people there to have heard it. Using it is no more elitist than referring to appetizers as hors d’oeuvres.

56

I’m thinking this regional. I’ve never heard it it either and I’m not a foodie.

57

I only learned the word since moving to NYC, and it took me awhile to realize that the spoken “crew de tay” was the same thing as the written “crudd-ites.” I think I figured the spoken one had something to do with tea, like tea cakes. Whereas Crudd-ites conjured up something classy but vaguely horrifying, like pickled crayfish. Or else something that fell out of a zombie’s chest cavity. Maybe a shriveled pancreas.

58

This thread has been interesting. Some people are acting like the “crudité” is even more common than “vegetable tray” and that I am indeed an idiot for not knowing it. Whereas others are like me and have never heard of it before. Or have only heard it in limited contexts, like on the Food Network.

Perhaps we could be having this conversation about any word over a tenth-grade reading level? Besides conducting a poll, how can one determine the usage frequency of a word?

59

Google?

Crudité - 632,000 results

Crudite - 317,000 results

“Vegetable tray” - 302,000 results

Vegetable tray - 82,200 results

60

Yes.