Inspired by the thread about catching your 10 year old looking at porn on the internet - I was reminded of my current situation. My 11 year old son has grown up with a pc in the house, and when he became old enough to ‘surf’ and the like, I installed Trend which blocks content that you choose. It’s brilliant - doesn’t even let home pages load. So, then he decides he needs an email address and proceeds to collect a long list of contact so that he can chat on msn. No biggie. A couple of weeks ago I was doing a routine scan when I received a porn alert, telling me that the porn has been sent via chat. I set up a log on his desktop and told him that I am now monitoring his chat logs and if anything obscene is sent to him again - I’ll be calling the parents. He is very cool about this and my take is that as he is only 11, I have a duty of care and an obligation to monitor what he says, receives and looks at. However, I have been told that what I am doing is a terrible breach of his rights. Exactly what rights does an 11 year old have - apart from the right to a loving, caring home that feeds, clothes and shelters him? Am I wrong?
Hmm, who told you that you were breaching his rights? Cause, if it was him, I hate to say that he might have a conflict of interest 
Oh, please. Whoever told you that you were breaching his rights is full of shit. 11 years old- well, yeah, you should be monitoring his internet experiences! Yes, yes, a thousand times yes, you are in the right. Privacy with regards to usage of a computer in your home is NEVER a right that kids should have, in my opinion. My computer, my house, my rules.
I think as long as you tell him anywhere and anything he sees on the internet YOU will or could see–then it isn’t an issue. With our daughter (age 12) she has known since she first got on a computer that it was all an open book. We have always told her that she wants privacy to get a diary. But online it is an open book. We do randomly go to her web sites and to her MySpace account and read them. I occasionally mention some site I saw she was at (to keep her honest!), and we haven’t really had any issues. So to sum up–in my opinion your son has no right to privacy on a computer.
In the example given, his "right’ to view such images is nonexistent, as evidenced by age checks, both on-line and in the real world. While the courts struck down some forms of on-line age checks last week, they did not strike the constitutionality of the the underlying age restrictions.
If we argued the rightness/wrongness of parental rights over children I (a parent of an adult child and a minor teenager, but also an abused child) night well argue the other side of the fence, but as far as the law goes, it’s really hard for a parent to violate a child’s rights. Sexual abuse would do it, but we still live in a world where parents hold almost every right of a child in (presumptive) custody, yet can dismiss the corresponding responsibility and throw teens on the streets to fend for themselves or starve, without prosecution.
I’d love to know who told you that you were violating his rights.
Your home, your PC, I’m assuming you pay the electric bill, and for the ISP. What “privacy” is an 11-year-old entitled to? Especially since you’ve found him dealing in porn?
I think it’s nice to tell him upfront as you did that you would be monitoring his activity. While not wrong, it’s a little disrespectful to monitor someone, even a kid, without their knowledge even though I believe it’s your responsibility and right to do so. I grew up in a house where I knew that although I had a room and a door, my parents could walk in whenever they wanted to. They didn’t make a habit of barging in whenever, but it also meant that I thought twice about bringing unsavory materials into the house. Of course when I moved out at 18 everything changed completely!
Minor slip up by him. I’m sure he will more careful in the future and not let his porn viewing be detected.
If I’m not mistaken, failling to intervene in a minors access to an adult website is a crime.
Just another person adding that your son has no “right to privacy” on the computer. His privacy is limited to the thoughts in his brain and the parts of his body. Period. While you may choose to grant him the privilege of privacy on the computer some day, that’s what it is - a privilege.
You should definitely tell him upfront that you are watching (and it sounds like that’s what you’ve done). I think it’s kind of underhanded when parents make the kid think they have privacy, and then catch something and spring it on them unexpectedly. But aside from that, I agree with the other posters: it is your house, your kid, your rules, period.
There are certain things a child is entitled to. Love, food, education, housing, clothing, things like that. One might argue for extended things like their own bedroom or Christmas toys, so I’ll go for those too. A computer, and especially internet access, is not one of them. You can take it away and still be a good parent.
He has a right to privacy in the things he must have, like conversations with a classmate, or things he gets for himself, like a diary. He has no right to privacy on things he doesn’t need or things you give him, like the computer. If there’s a complaint, say “The deal is, I give you the computer, you use it on these terms. Accept or decline.”
You are the parent, therefore you are the law. You write the constitution of the household.
You determine what his “rights” are.
I’m going to somewhat disagree with what seems to be the general sentiment of the thread. IANA parent, but I never agreed with the whole “my house, my rules” justification. While it may be true, it only serves to confuse children about why you’re doing what you’re doing. That is, you’re not monitoring him because you can, just because it’s your computer and your house, you’re doing it because you’re watching out for his safety. IME, children respond much more positively when your motivations are transparent, as opposed to the parental cliché “because I said so”.
Children do have inherent rights, among them is privacy; however, this isn’t even a matter of privacy. Just like when you use the internet at work, or the library, you agree to rules that they’ve set forth which, more likely than not, bans the viewing of pornographic material. It’s not a whole lot different in this situation, except for the motivation. That is, they do it to protect themselves legally, or whatnot… you’re doing it to protect your child.
The one point I do heartily agree with, is that you are straightforward about monitoring him. If he thinks he has privacy, he’ll be upset when he feels like it was violated, but if he knows that you’re monitoring him and he gets caught doing something he shouldn’t, he won’t have a leg to stand on.
Now, IANA parent, but
Not trying to be snotty, but why do you believe children have an inherent right to privacy? I’m really truly asking.
I suspect precious few parents have ever STARTED a discussion with their kids with the position “My house, my rules.” That card certainly can and does get played as the discussion/conflict develops, however, especially when the kid resists appeals to reason. Your experience may be different.
“My house, my rules” does, IMO, serve as a valid shorthand for the appropriate balance of authority and responsibility in certain aspects of a parent-child relationship. And it is a valid bottomline for certain disputes.
I’d be interested in seeing an expanded list of what you consider to be childrens’ “rights”, as well as an explanation of the source of them. IMO, when you get beyond food and shelter, to a far greater extent children enjoy privileges which they must earn or otherwise show they deserve and can handle.
I agree. This is just plan old good parenting and, I believe, allows a child to feel safe because they know the rules and can more easily say “no thanks”.
It would be irresponsible to NOT monitor your child’s internet use. You wouldn’t allow him to watch absolutely anything he could find on TV. You wouldn’t dream of letting him go see every movie that comes out or read every magazine that is publish. Why would you allow him to view every webpage ever created.
Agreed. What about his right to have a responsible, caring parent who pays attention to what he does? That far exceeds his “right to privacy” which at age 11 should be the right to close the door to the bathroom.
I would interested in a complete list of the rights of children, as well as the justification for such rights.
Would you let him lock you out of his room? Of course not. This is the same thing. Keep up your good parenting job.