Care to back up your wild accusations with two or three cites, Gestalt? I have no memory of tdn being creepy.
I can’t be assed to dig for cites, but I can vouch that tdn often comes off as extremely intense, overly aggressive and delusional about his dealings with women (like saying that his bond with a woman on their second date was "stronger than most couples have after ten years). He’s also said some weird sexual things, like that he likes to pee on women.
I just did a search for threads started by tdn that contained the word “creepy” somewhere in the thread and got 42 hits.
This is veering into Pit territory, but since your memory must be assuaged:
This is probably my favorite post
And later SWB expresses her frustrations at tdn’s pushiness
This is another example, where tdn keeps insisting that waitresses like it when he flirts
Finally, the latest example.
Honestly, I really do like tdn’s non-dating posts. But he seems aggressive, if nothing else, with the dating posts and also stubborn, and I find it annoying.
Not sure where people are getting the idea that this woman’s ‘too reliant on her family’ from- if my brother could fix my car, I’m sure I’d ask him too. I’m only a few years younger, but I’m sure my parents worry about me when I do something they think is a bit weird (ie. all the time 
).
Doesn’t mean they can stop me from doing stuff they don’t like, and it doesn’t say anywhere in the OP or follow ups that they could stop her either, there’s just people saying they SHOULD stop her. Doesn’t sound like she’s a totally innocent, naive, delicate little flower to me from the description…
FWIW I know two people, both male, who have done something similar to this, and both wound up with it going a bit odd, followed by them slinking back home and refusing to talk about it. Still, doesn’t mean it always goes wrong, just means being careful (and considerate) is the way to go. Hope you have a good weekend 
Yeah I freely admit it’s more an intuition than anything else. And that my prejudices based on tdn’s past-posting make me trigger-happy.
I do hope they had a good time, and no one had to take a premature bus/car ride. Honestly, it sounds like the type of thing I would love to do with someone I had been dating for a while.
He just seems overly focused on sexual conquest, like you’d expect to see in a teen almost. Like renting a second room, “sends the wrong message”. For me, skeevy.
Still, it takes all kinds to make a world. That she’s willing to buy into this says something about her too, I think. So maybe like has found like, stranger things have happened. I hope they both enjoy it.
If the woman wants to rent a second room for her comfort and security, I think that as a grown woman she can damn well do so herself. The way you guys are talking about her in this thread it’s like she’s someone’s teenaged daughter, instead of a 30-year-old woman who is capable of making her own decisions. If I were in her position – and as I mentioned above, I have been, more or less – I’d think, “yeah, if things go south, I’ll just get my own room at a different place and ditch him at the B&B.”
I guess I somehow managed to never see any of his dating/female posts. Huh. I still really like his other stuff quite a bit. Also, the whole talk of the woman not being able to take care of herself is completely ridiculous. Like MsWhatsit said, this is a grown-ass woman. If she doesn’t like the time she spends with him at the restaurant in the afternoon, she can go to another hotel or motel herself. Not a big deal, since they’re first meeting in public.
What does her age have to do with it? Of course she can pay for a second room herself. So what? She can also pay for her own damn dinner. That doesn’t make for a very romantic meeting, though. It would just be decent and chivalrous to provide the woman with an option besides putting out and leaving.
So is your concern about romance, or safety/security/blah blah whatever? I don’t really think the addition of a second room factors in to the romance of the situation, particularly. And I don’t think safety or security are really a concern, per my above post. If it’s just about tdn being “chivalrous”, well, maybe she doesn’t give a shit about that. If I were in this situation and found out that the guy involved had paid for a second room, I think my reaction would be, “Huh. Well, I guess that’s nice but kind of unnecessary.” Why should he pay for a room that neither of them expects to use?
You do it to make her feel comfortable and to not feel pressured. You really don’t understand this? It’s about providing comfort and a plan B if things don’t work out. Why would you just assume that you’re going to hit it off with someone you’ve never met enough to want to spend the night in his fuck lair?
How is she being pressured? If she weren’t fully on board with spending the weekend in a hotel room with him, she could easily just not go. It’s not like she’s going to arrive thinking they’ll be in separate rooms, and then oh ho ho, there’s only one room paid for so she’s stuck. She knows perfectly well what the setup is going to be, and is fully on board. And as I said before, as a grown woman she’s perfectly capable of providing her own plan B.
As for the rest, you’ve said in other threads that you don’t believe two people in an online relationship can ever possibly know enough about each other to determine whether they actually want to spend time with each other in person (or, by extension, to spend the weekend in a hotel with each other). I disagree. I suspect I will not be able to convince you otherwise, so I’ll leave it at that on this aspect of the conversation. Except to say that I have direct personal experience backing up my opinion on this.
Gestalt, the quarter/parking meter thing was BS. I’ve had guys ask me out/for my # after I was just nice to them. At my workplace, no less (once, in front of my boss. Ugh.) Part of my internship was to be nice and help people out - unfortunately, lots of these guys aren’t treated well in general by women, so when they ARE, they take it to mean something else entirely.
The “latest example” of the 3 dates woman sounds loony at first. But even sven’s post slapped me back into reality - a reality with my nutty friends. I knew two people (one a friend, one an acquaintance) go out on a few dates and were very close. They were also disgustingly affectionate - likely told to get a room. One got cold feet. They went on to date off and on again and eventually we as friends grew apart, so I don’t know their ending. I do, however, know the girl was nucking futs and told him she had too much emotional baggage. But that she was still into him.
But while on the surface to most (hell, to me personally) those are the exact lines used for saying “I’m just not that into you”, some people are emotionally nuts. There’s a good chance that woman was.
Some people move really quickly, some don’t. Some move quickly physically, others emotionally. Some people move at a glacial pace and speed up for that “special someone”. Doesn’t mean the others’ feelings aren’t reciprocated if you’ve never experienced it.
Years ago, we met an acquaintance and his girlfriend for dinner; we’d been together exactly two weeks. They’d been together long distance for, at the time, almost 2 years. The girlfriend remarked how funny we were by finishing the other’s sentences. How long had we been together, 2 or 3 years?
Sometimes people fit each other like puzzle pieces. Sometimes those people aren’t ready to be in relationships. But you’re right - most of the time, they’re just not that into you.
By not being given an option o anything but the fuck room or the highway.
She isn’t really going to know how on board she is until she actually meets the dude. You can’t just assume with certainty that the face-to-face is going to be great. She’s meeting a complete stranger, after all. A random-ass drifter off the street. Are you saying it’s 100% guaranted to be a love connection?
Why are you so offended at the idea of offering her the option of her own room?
I’m not offended by the idea of offering her the option of her own room. I think it’s unnecessary, but it doesn’t offend me. I am perhaps slightly offended by the attitude that tdn is being a douche by not providing it. (Well, I’m not offended. I just think it’s dumb.) He’s not tricking her or deceiving her or pressuring her. He made plans with her for a weekend getaway. If she had doubts, she could have suggested some other initial meetup scenario. And if she has doubts after she arrives, she can leave. None of this is changed in the slightest by tdn being “chivalrous” and paying for a totally unnecessary second room.
I think you can get to know people very well from LDR/online relationships.
I also think that tdn would have reasons to spin this as her being very VERY into it, and I have come to be a bit skeptical about his interpretations when it comes to how into his actions women are.
It might be fine. She might be completely into it. She might be smart and together. She might be foolish and nuts. Tdn might be completely right about the whole thing. Tdn might be delusional and creepy. She might feel pressured. She might feel empowered.
I think any of these things might be true. I’m very glad your situation worked out. I think you’re smart and together and also, to some extent, lucky. Would you agree with that?
I would most certainly agree with all of that. But none of that changes the fact that if tdn’s date doesn’t like the situation she’s in, she can easily just leave. It’s not like they’re going to be camped in the middle of a desert with no civilization for hundreds of miles. She can go up the street and get a room at Motel 6. Personally I think that would be a better option, if things fall apart, than staying in an adjacent room at the bed & breakfast anyway.
In that scenario, it might be nice for tdn to offer to pay the cost of her room, but why in the world should he pre-reserve one? I am just not getting this.
I don’t think it’s about age either. If a friend of mine–younger or older–said they were doing this (that is, meeting someone she hadn’t met face to face before in a motel) and that the guy didn’t really want a second room…I’d be begging her not to.
I also can’t help getting annoyed that actual, factual women on the Dope tell tdn that he’s coming off creepy and he essentially says, “No, trust me, I’m awesome.” I’m also thinking of a threadwhere he said he thought “You have beautiful eyes–can I touch them?” was a good pickup line (it’s straight out of Neil Strauss’s the Game, a book on pickup artists). I get that it’s not supposed to be serious, but I don’t really think it’s all that funny either. Or again, the flirting with the waitress one–he’s convinced he’s that charming when people are telling him that waitresses get these lines all the time, and it’s doubtful that he’s that one guy who’s that good at it.
I also get the sense that tdn reads a lot more into interaction with women than is there. Like the one where he thought he met a woman who was the One after about three dates, and then claimed that he stirred such strong romantic emotions in her that she was scared off. He posted (and then deleted) the actual email from the woman and when I read it, it just sounded like she was just politely giving him the brush off.
I don’t think everyone has to be great with social interaction. But when people are telling you that your behavior is making women uncomfortable and you persist, it gets really irritating to read about. Especially since so many women will just put up with guys acting creepy because a lot of us don’t want to make waves or piss someone off. There are probably countless guys who think their cute little lines work just because a lot of women would rather just smile and not and wait for the guy to go away than tell him he’s being an ass.
Because it shows decency, courtesy, respect and common sense. It’s not a given that this thing is going to work (once again - they are complete strangers who have never met), and the gentlemanly thing to do is not assume sex as a given and arrange for an optional arrangement. “Put out or leave” is not a gentlemanly arrangement.