Amazing Race Family 10/11 - "I Don't Kiss, I Make Out!"

Yeah, I noticed that too – they don’t just lose time, they tend to warp it. (Last week they said they spent 2 hours (!) looking for the clue box at the wrong reflecting pool.) But when they get to the tasks, they just fly. It’s weird. Any doubts I had about the kids in the challenges is gone, but dag a’mighty! It seems like they get lost going around the corner.

The problem is that they’re still running Windows98. They occasionally freeze or crash and have to be rebooted before continuing the race…

Yeah, I keep hearing that’s a big problem with your modern animatrons. Bet they wouldn’t have so much trouble if they ran on Mac OS.

I know. I’m surprised no one else has chimed in to verbally pummel them for the singing on the bus. You don’t want to/can’t sleep? Fine. But don’t ruin it for the other teams who maybe are capable of getting a little shut-eye. And when Ma said, “I’m being help prisoner on a bus”. *** Helloooo!!!*** You entered a goddamned race. You weren’t dragged there at gunpoint!

Oh yeah! You reminded me – what was that, exactly? “Prisoner on a bus,” my ass! I’d go wherever Phil told me to, and I would like it! (“Please, Phil, can I have some more? Sigh.”) Where did she think they were going to go, fercryingoutloud? And the singing – I’m surprised wee Carissa didn’t start sklonking some kneecaps, Eloise-style. I mean, I have a nervous breakdown at least twice a week, so I am an old pro, and even I know that you’re supposed to me a little more … what’s the word? … discreet when you bring the crazy in public. Plus … plus! … one of the Weaver girls broke what is probably THE Biggest Rule of The Amazing Race. No matter how much they plead, no matter how much they beg, never, NEVER feed them after midnight. No, wait, that’s from “Gremlins.” For the Race it is: Never, NEVER say out loud that you are not having a good time. Because that? Is the kiss of death for any team. And quite frankly, I’d rather they did quit than just tease us with it for weeks and weeks.

I figure if you don’t want to be eliminated, you get on the first bus. If you’re in the bottom half, no matter what the detours are, you’re not where you want to be win. I did figure the show would do a non-elimination, to be honest.

I’m annoyed that I didn’t hear anyone say the title. Maybe they cut it out since no one else heard it either.

That clinches it. Your attention to detail and ability to turn a phrase has rocketed —heh, no pun! ya know, your name—anyhow, has secured you the top spot on my Secret Platonic Female Crush list, Stranger on a Messageboard division.

Why, thank you! I’m blushing here, seriously.

And with that exchange, we managed to kill the thread. Wow.

Eh. TAR threads don’t go on forever, anyway (unlike Lost threads).

Can I just tell you how friggin’ excited I am that someone else recognized Eloise? And that you also recognized that she was invoked in the proper context, even?

It was sklonking that did it for me, honestly. And Carissa does have a smidge of that Eloise devil-grin and raised eyebrow. A long time ago, I babysat for a girl who was a huge Eloise fan. I went away with her family for a few weeks one summer, and reading Eloise at the Plaza was a nightly affair. Until the fateful day we went to the Orleans (Cape Cod) library and they had Eloise in Moscow. I pretty much almost pulled a Virginia Woolf that day. (I had gotten some Virginia Woolf books at that same library. We were a lively bunch).

Anyhow…

Whew, made it to 2 pages. While jsc1953’s point that TAR threads don’t go on forever is well taken, I would have hung my head in shame had my mention of the afeared Platonic Girl Crush (especially in a thread titled, in part, “I don’t kiss, I make out”) brought us all to a screeching halt at under one page. TAR threads are never under two pages!

By the way, rockle, I am right there with you on the conditioner issue. Conditioner is not necessarily a luxury item, not when you have hair like that and you’re on national TV! And that godawful visor she was wearing (under all her hair, mind you) can’t be helping with issues of styling and breakage.

I know! I think that is in large part why I want to adopt her.

My hair is limp and fine and poker straight and conditioner is still one of the major tenets of my own personal religion. My great-grandmother Agnes (aka “Nana Candy”), rest her soul, taught me three things above all else:

[ol]
[li]There is a special place in Hell for women who wear white shoes before Memorial Day or after Labor Day;[/li][li]There is a special place in Hell for women who leave the house without wearing some kind of lip cover; and[/li][li]There is a special place in Hell for women who let themselves be seen by anyone other that God hisownself with frizz or flyaways.[/ol][/li]
Any woman who does any two of these things is “irredeemable.” Any woman who does all three – and I fear Ma Weaver may be among them, bless her trashy little heart – should be taken outside and beaten to death with a cast iron skillet. So you can see why I am all in favor of sklonking.

Sorry for the late report, I had TWO computers blow up on me this week, and only just now managed to get back online again. IT SUCKED!!! But enough about me…

Ooooh, Taxis! An airport! A 12-hour pit stop! Ok, the PS was probably 36 hours and the taxis were pre-arranged, but still, how sweet is it to get a taste of what this show is normally about! For the first 10 minutes, at least. And then…

THAT ROADBLOCK SUCKED!!! And that Detour was very badly planned – if the Mud Bog was 30 minutes closer, instead of farther away, it might have been okay. But when the Gaghans complete the task perfectly and still come behind all the crustacean decapitators…well, I sure hope somebody gets fired for that blunder. It should have been an NEL, just to be fair to the teams. Instead:

  1. Bransens: Free gas for life? Not bad. I’m sure it’s got limitations like only one car per person, or 50 gallons per month, and worst of all, it’s ARCO. Still…think about it. Those girls will still be driving 60 years from now, by which time alternative fuels will have taken over and old-fashioned gasoline will cost $6,000.00 per gallon (adjusted for inflation.) And how unlucky is it for BP that a team with NO KIDS won the prize! Hahahaha. Evil Corporations Suck.
  2. Linzes: Too blonde. Too many teeth. This team reminds me of everyone from Season Six who wasn’t a wife-beater. Maybe they’ll get Diddled By The Fickle Finger of Fate in the next few episodes, but I’m not counting on it.
  3. Schroeders: What the hell was Mama Schroeder harping on the kids about in the airport? They’re the only teenage boys in the race, of course they’re gonna bond. (Well, I think one of the Paolos is 16…but who wants to hang out with THEM??) And besides, Rolly’s too smart to share secrets, and I don’t think Hunter’s even aware of which state he’s in.
  4. Godlewskis: Not so chatty and chipper now, eh Pink Ladies? Still, I’d love to see 'em squeak into the Final Three. That argument in the preview, like all previews, is meaningless.
  5. Weavers: Kinda surprised at some of the hostility spoken here. Guys, they just lost their Dad, cut 'em some slack. Actually I kinda liked watching them “freak out” – they were DANCING IN THE PARKING LOT, fer crimminy’s sake! And Talladega next week…youch.
  6. Paolos: Stupid random Roadblock…grrrr…I was hoping they’d get lost between the AOL Product Placement and the Bathmat but oh well…next week they’d BETTER be gone…
  7. Gaghans: Did it seem like the kids were a bit more whiny and complainy this time? At least near the end. They’ve got stamina but no brains, so they won’t last much longer. I’m actually surprised at how uninteresting this team is turning out to be.
  8. Aiellos: Well, they weren’t gonna last much longer anyway, but I’m sad to see 'em go. Just when I was starting to get their names straight, too. :wink:

I still miss the Blacks…

They did, actually. I blame at least part of that on being trapped on the Bus To Hell with the Weavers, but I also think that it’s from having only 12-hour Pit Stops. We’ve seen Killer Fatigure set in this early on some teams in the past, so it seems natural that it would affect the little ones earlier, and worse. Still, for all their whining (which actually isn’t that bad compared to some, Paolos), I still admire their snark.

Me too, KGS. Me too. Hope the 'puters are OK now.

Yes. The Rugrats really, really looked Zombiesque. Tie in little sleep with improper diet and an 8-hour busride of mystery and you’ve got major wear and tear on little bodies.

Maybe that’s what it is about the Gaghans that isn’t “right.” I thought it was that they’re automatons, but it must be that … they’re UNDEAD. *Dun-dun-duuuuuuun … * Seriously, though: I hope things get better for wee Carissa and Billy Boy. I lurve them so very much, especially now that the Aiellos are gone.

{Slightly off topic, but vaguely related}

Holy crap! Has anyone else seen the Bud Light with one of the Awesome Twin Boyfriends from last season? The ones who flipped their jeep and then showed up at the Pit Stop in their bathing suits and fur hats? It’s Brian, I think, in the commercial. And he looks just as cute as always. Did anyone else see this?

I’m new to TAR fandom so I don’t know if “Awesome Twin Boyfriends” is, like, insider slang or something, but they were neither twins nor boyfriends. They were darn awesome though.

You’re right … they are only brothers, not twins. The “Boyfriends” part of that title refers to the fact that they were members of the Reality TV Boyfriends Club ™. A whole lot of us lurved them. Sorry about the mis-statement there. You are absolutely right, though: they were completely awesome. I wish there were more contestants like them on the Race. BTW, other Internet sources have confirmed that it is indeed Brian, and not Greg. (Greg was the one with the T-shirt that said “Doughy” on it, IIRC.)