Some of these are pretty funny. My favorite was the comment on #9 Schindler’s List
Forgot the URL…
Not the sharpest marbles, are they?
From the review of On the Waterfront: For some reason, I always get Charles Bronson and Marlon Brando mixed up. So for the first half hour of this movie I was looking for Charles Bronson and was seeing Marlong Brando and I was getting frustrated that I couldn’t find Charles Bronson. Finally I figured it out
Or the classic review of Citizen Kane (caps not mine): ANYONE WHO SAYS THEY LIKE THIS FILM IS A LIAR.
Yes, some people are crazy. I remember one review of Citizen Kane on Amazon that said some forgettable film which I forget the title of was better than Kane because, for one thing, “(whatever it is) has a fat man saying “Gator!” for no apparent reason. Citizen Kane does not.”
What? Did she really just compare The African Queen to Titanic?
Kids!
I was thinking of putting up a page called Dumb Amazon Reviews, but it looks like this guy has beaten me to it. 
And of course you have to like the novel reviews that are linked to off of that page:
The Grapes of Wrath - “I figured it would have some vineyards in it or something grape-related. Nobody drinks wine or eats grapes because there is no grapes to eat. Not even raisins. Just dust.”
Coincidentally, http://www.arstechnica.com found this review of David Hasselhof’s “Best of” album good enough to display on their front page:
***** Really Really Rexcellent!, August 27, 2001
Reviewer: Scooby Doo (see more about me) from Transylvania
Rello! Rhis Rheedee is rone of ry ravorites! Raggy and I risten ro rhis rall rhe rime in rhe Rystery Rachine. Rhenever a rystery rappens, I risten ro rhis refore our rinvestigation. Rit relps re relax and ralm ry rerves. Relma, Red and Raphne ron’t really rike it, raying it’s rame and romosexual, rut I ron’t rive a rhit rhat rhey rink. Ravid Rasselroff rings really ricely, rin ry ropinion. Eh hee hee hee hee hee hee! Rhe rong “Rot Rhot Rity” is rarticularly rood.
Not quite on topic, but good for a chuckle.
I just finished reading both of the lists of comments. I feel I need a hot shower with a wire brush. Bleh. Why people like that seek out art is beyond me when they seem to have no ability to appreciate it.
The beautiful thing about the net is that it gives everyone a voice.
Interestingly enough, that’s also the ugly thing about it.
God bless the mutants.
Oh, and they had a review of my favorite book on one of those pages:
13. 1984, George Orwell
“‘What’s the point?’ Maybe if you live in a
country that’s a monarchy, this book’s worth reading, but this is
America, ok? The whole reason we live in a democracy is so that we the
people don’t have to worry about things like this.”
Oy.
I usually catch most things in movies but I honestly missed Jar-Jar Binks in the origional Star Wars…color me embaressed.
mobo85 wrote:
Well, he does have a point there.
… and Mr. Cranky’s cranky review of Star Wars:
http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/starwars.html
… and Casablanca:
http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/casablanca.html
This one isn’t funny as much as it irritates me:
Hm. All this time I’ve been enjoying this film, it never dawned on me it wasn’t appropriate for me. Thank goodness he let me know what is and isn’t appropriate for me as a Christian. :rolleyes:
And this one:
I guess the fact that it’s World War I escaped this clown’s notice - as did the scene where he was given his orders to go there and meet with Prince Feisal.
OK, this is a slight hijack, but still in the spirit of the OP.
I work in a video store that specialized in indie/forgein flims. Want the original BBC miniseries version of *Traffic? * We have it. The original director’s cut version of Luc Besson’s The Professional? (entitled *Leon, the Professional * We have it on DVD. So our clientel is a bit more of the intellectual line than normal. But sometimes…
So this guy walks in, and asks “Do you have Citizen Kane?”
“Do we have it? Of course! Widescreen or standard format?” Swiddles said.
“Thank goodness! I just came from Blockbuster, and not ONLY did they get rid of it because ‘it didn’t rent enough,’ but the clerk asked me ‘it’s spelled Sit…’”
“Well, you’re safe here.” Swiddles reassures.
I also had a woman ask me if it was a good movie. I told her yea, it was a pretty fantastic movie. IT’S GODAMMED CITIZEN KANE!!! Is nothing sacred? :rolleyes:
I think someone should start a “Dumb Amazon Reviews” page. I’ve always said the world is overpopulated with idiots-just look at the customer reviews at amazon.com.
And not just for movies, either. Here’s one of my favorites (that even Scott Adams himself used as a example of an induhvidual) that’s no longer on the site for a Dilbert collection entitled Shave the Whales:
The cover was that offensive, huh?
No shit. If that Greek guy was more like George Castanza, then it would’ve been MUCH better!
Oh, now this one (from the link in the OP) is a real hum-dinger: