America is an Imperialist Monster

The USA has proven its amazing arrogance, a quality absolutely unique to it, by killing Saddam Hussein in a cold-blooded act of premeditated homicide and toppling a government that was so loved by its citizens that they would routinely die for it, often without the help of a war.

Now America will install a democratic (or, as various German and Soviet luminaries used to say, `mob-o-cratic’) regime and create jobs to force literally thousands of Iraqis into the despicable condition of gainful employment. That awful day is a long way off, as the Iraqis are now in the process of preserving the relics of their beloved past, swarming into governmental palaces and taking lavish furnishings to protect them from advancing American forces. America, in another example of its sheer brutality, has so far not done much to prevent this. America, for its part, believes looting to be perfectly acceptable in newly-desecrated nations.

Of course, the war was completely unjustified and will go down in history as the action of a brutal regime against a peace-loving man who, after all, held the best interests of his countrymen foremost in his mind. One must only look to the Kurds, so lovingly ruled by Saddam in the days before the illegal No-Fly Zones, to see that.

What’s worse, of course, is that the USA entered into the war without France, Germany, and the rest of the world. As it was a unilateral act, those nations had no chance to conclude the completely unprofitable and totally charitable business relations they had with Iraq, including the sales of night-vision goggles, so needed by people who loved to look on the visage of their beloved leader even at night.

Deeper, of course, is the essential evilness of the entire concept of unilaterality. The cure for cancer, for example, must be discovered by a multinational team if it is to be worth anything whatsoever. An American-only anything, especially government, is evil and must be toppled by those charitable men in France and Germany, who have never done anyone any harm whatsoever.

The tactics of this illegal war are even more horrifying. The carpet-bombing of Baghdad, the firebombing of Basra, and the use of nuclear weapons against Tikrit will forever be recalled as the desperate actions of a regime nearly outmatched by the Elite Republican Guard and the dedicated pro-Saddam militias. Truly, this war is one of the bloodiest in history.

Join me and the rest of the world in the unconditional condemnation of America!

So, which do you want–the chicken salad, or the bologna?

What?

The hackers are the ones that really deserve blame.

Well gee? What can I say?

I recall a press conference once by JFK - it was a bit of a slow news week. The Bay of Pigs and the Missile Crisis hadn’t yet erupted.

In it, a female correspondent enquired of the President “Just what is your Administration doing to improve women’s rights at the moment?”

JFK, rather cheekily, with a wink and a devilish smile, responded with “Well… I’m sure that in your opinion… not enough…”

My point being? It’s just plain human nature that if we want, we can always find something to whine about - no matter how well things might be going at the time. The irony is that as soon as you point out to the “whiner” how they should look at things in an overall context, they simply become MORE entrenched and determined to convince you of the merit of their arguement.

:wink:

You know, I’m sure that if we had some wicked Arabic speaking politicians with a bit of JFK charm and devastating wit, we could probably sort out a lot of our troubles in the Middle East with far less recourse to armed conflict I suspect.

You bongo bashing longhairs are all the same.

If it weren’t for this now gloriously completed War of Iraqi Freedom, those poor people would’ve continued to be brutally oppressed by Saddam bin Laden, forced to work 30 hour days hand pumping oil in underground chemical labs to make money for the French Russians, under threat of having their grandparents fed into a tree chipper. If not for the Liberation of Iraq, the world would’ve continued to be threatened with inundation by Islamic grandmother-fed zombie terrorist hordes bearing vials of nuclear smallpox. If not for our Brave Leadership, the enemies of freedom would be winning; in fact, they still hold sway over parts of Old Europe! Thank God that God appointed the right man to steer the ship of American state in these trying times.

Take a bath and get a job, you smelly yippie.

I’m so confused.

Won’t somebody think of my cat’s breath!

I’ve heard your opinion, how do I subscribe to your newsletter?

Thanks, Derleth, for finally saying what, er, didn’t need to be said.

It’s incredible how the world just can’t understand the inherent goodness of the single empire pursuing self-interest, isn’t it ?

Maybe they need to be made to understand a little better. Oh wait, that’s what the Syria thing is about …
I’ll have the suspicious sounding Bologna.

I protest! We didn’t act unilaterly! What? Oh.

I should point out that British imperialists felt themselves to be liberating the people they took over. They had a moral purpose, to rescue the heathens from the filth of their pagan existence.

And let’s not kid ourselves: they did raise the standard of life for many of the people they colonised. They created decent infrastructures, beaurocracies, provided healthcare, education, and so on. Sure, there were a few massacres, and the financial benefit was great, too, but on the whole, the British Empire got rid of oppressive rulers, revolting cultural practices (Sutti, for example), and probably allowed a lot more people to live better lives than they previously were.

So why were those ungrateful natives so happy to kick us out?

Coz you were superior uncompromising assholes about it maybe :wink:

Not something the Yanks can be blamed on … Oh wait a min

‘As flames engulfed Baghdad’s National Library yesterday, destroying manuscripts many centuries old, the Pentagon admitted that it had been caught unprepared by the widespread looting of antiquities, despite months of warnings from American archaeologists.’

‘Calling the looting of historical artefacts “a catastrophe for the cultural heritage of Iraq”, Mounir Bouchenaki, the deputy director-general of the UN cultural body Unesco, announced an emergency summit of archaeologists in Paris on Thursday.’

I do hope this isn’t too long, it’s part of Act 9 of Monty Python’s Life of Brian.

REG: Yeah. All right, Stan. Don’t labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?!
XERXES: The aqueduct?
REG: What?
XERXES: The aqueduct.
REG: Oh. Yeah, yeah. They did give us that. Uh, that’s true. Yeah.
COMMANDO #3: And the sanitation.
LORETTA: Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Reg. Remember what the city used to be like?
REG: Yeah. All right. I’ll grant you the aqueduct and the sanitation are two things that the Romans have done.
MATTHIAS: And the roads.
REG: Well, yeah. Obviously the roads. I mean, the roads go without saying, don’t they? But apart from the sanitation, the aqueduct, and the roads–
COMMANDO: Irrigation.
XERXES: Medicine.
COMMANDOS: Huh? Heh? Huh…
COMMANDO #2: Education.
COMMANDOS: Ohh…
REG: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough.
COMMANDO #1: And the wine.
COMMANDOS: Oh, yes. Yeah…
FRANCIS: Yeah. Yeah, that’s something we’d really miss, Reg, if the Romans left. Huh.
COMMANDO: Public baths.
LORETTA: And it’s safe to walk in the streets at night now, Reg.
FRANCIS: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep order. Let’s face it. They’re the only ones who could in a place like this.
COMMANDOS: Hehh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.
REG: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
XERXES: Brought peace.
REG: Oh. Peace? Shut up!

I do hope we can match that list.

America isn’t an imperialist monster… Bush is :slight_smile:

Parody or Insane…

The eternal question.

I wanted to hijack this into a “Let’s All Have A Picnic Thread”, but nnooooooo… :stuck_out_tongue:

I busted a rib. :smiley: Bastard! laughs up blood

I’m not saying that the whole thing was great. I’d give it a 9. It’s far better than the other simplistic anti-war parody threads that didn’t fool anybody. On a second reading, 9.50.

Hey Derleth, the Strawman’s tired of getting knocked down. He wants to know if you wouldn’t mind picking on the Tin Woodsman for awhile.