Whenever there’s a “household tips” thread one of my go-to responses is:
If you have to shake something before using, like a bottle of salad dressing for example, hold the top on. Because the one time you don’t, it won’t be screwed or snapped on, and you’ll spray dressing all over the room.
File this under “mistakes you only make once.”
One more. This was a deep dish pizza for sure.
We were newlyweds. It was my bride’s birthday. She had to work, it was my day off. I decided to make her a birthday pizza.
So I made a beautiful, deep dish pizza (with the proper amount of garlic) and timed it so that I would remove it from the oven when she got home. When her car pulled up, I took the pizza out and quickly placed 20-something birthday candles into the pizza.
I went to greet her at the door, then escorted her to a freshly-baked pizza that had 20-something little pools of wax on the surface and embedded within.
mmm
My wife discovered our pyrex is the new, will-shatter kind when trying to use on to add steam to bread baking. My brain almost worked quick enough to ask if it was a wise move before she poured the water in, but not quite fast enough.
And I was reminded of another incident. We made cinnamon buns according to a danish recipe that called for a lot of butter in the dough, and thoughtlessly baked them on a cookie sheet. A large amount of the butter melted out of the cooking buns, pooled on the sheet and then started dripping down and pooling on the bottom of the oven. That was a lot of smoke!
YouTube has waaay too many videos of pizza mishaps. Far too many for all of them to be accidents as opposed to “accidents.” But, like Yakety Sax, it never ceases being funny.
@Aspenglow: a question if I may. As far as I know, large crabs are very rare up where the aspens grow thick enough to glow in the waning light. What’s the story on your icon vs. your name?
Other kitchen follies:
Eons ago I was making spaghetti in a tiny kitchenette. Ref my earlier post here I had successfully drained the pasta and was about to dump it from the colander onto the two dinner plates that just barely fit on the narrow counter space between sink & fridge. For whatever reason I’d left the drawer under that counter open about 6-8". Said drawer being full of silverware & similar in the usual compartmented tray.
Anyhow, as I poured the pasta out of the colander towards myself, the pasta all stuck together, then all came out in a large interlocking lump, hit the plate and slid right off, filling the silverware drawer with lots of oozy starchy wet pasta. Much of which then shape-shifted Slinky style out onto the floor. But still leaving the drawer well filled with mess.
That was also the only pasta I owned, so I had none to make a second batch. Dinner was PB&Js that night. After lots of very skilled cursing. Why no, I did not have a dishwasher in that tiny kitchenette, why do you ask? But she married me anyhow, so it’s not all bad.
Something very similar happened to me years ago. I used to steam veggies in a pan but I had lost the lid to it, so I always used a Pyrex flat-bottom pan (sort of like a glass pie pan) that I put upside-down over the pot to act as a lid. Pyrex is meant to be used in ovens, so I thought it was fine, and it was for a long time. Then one day I was using the Pyrex cover as a steamer top, and suddenly it exploded with a loud BANG! into a million pieces. Startled the heck out of me, but fortunately I had my back to it at the time. I was finding little chunks of Pyrex glass in the corners of my kitchen area for weeks afterward.
I recall my father did this with a (mostly) empty ketchup bottle in a restaurant. Ooops. At least we were on vacation and not in the hometown.
When I was a young lad, ca 8 years old, I liked baking (well I still do, but I did then, too) and there was a recipe I used often. IIRC it was called “wowie cake.” Well one time I seemingly mistook the salt container for the sugar. Wowie, indeed.
I have no personal memory of this, but my Mom occasionally still gives me crap about it some 40 years later. In my defense, my Mom always transferred the salt and sugar into large counter top ceramic jars, so it’s not like I took it out of the package.
e-bay is your friend. I’ve bought several pieces of replacements pyrex that’s made of real borosilicate glass. Good sellers show the logo so you can tell it’s old enough.
That reminds me of making black bean soup. I thought, rather than run it through the foley mill, I’ll just put it in the blender.
You know what happens when you put hot soup in the blender, close the lid, and turn it on? All that room temperature air suddenly heats up, and despite your hand on the lid, it explodes out the lid, and hot soup spews all around the kitchen.
That took a while to clean up. I also had a minor burn on my wrist, where it blocked the trajectory of the soup. Fun times.
As I was reading along in this fine sentence my mental hand started waving madly in the air “Oh teacher! I know I know!! Call on meee!!1!1!!!”
Not because I’m some kind of physicist, but because I’m a cook who has the same scar there you do.
The only difference was I was pureeing freshly cooked pot roast w veggies for someone who needed soft foods. Who knew you could get pot roast on the top surface of your ceiling fan’s blades? Not I. Until then. Blech!!
Funny thing is I am enough of an armchair physicist to have known better. Had I thought for a just a few more seconds.
TBH, it’s really dumb.
I live in Oregon, so not too many aspens where I am.
However, I have always been a fan of the alpenglow phenomenon. That’s what I was trying for when I signed up. A slip of the finger made me Aspenglow – which I only recently learned from @burpo_the_wonder_mutt was a John Denver song in the origin of your SDMB name thread. I’m not bothered enough by the error to ask the mods to change it. 
As for how crabs figure into that, well… they don’t. I thought the crab pic was more representational of my sometimes-crabby online persona, so I picked it. (That was a delicious crab, by the way!)
That does actually remind me of another amusing kitchen accident, but it was simultaneously awful and I was shattered by the experience.
I am very fond of Dungeness crab, and a few times a year when they are in season, I’ll treat myself to one. I pick out a nice, big heavy and leave it on ice until it’s time to… do the deed. When plunged head first into boiling water, the half-frozen creature is instantly killed.
Once I lost my mind and used a boiling vessel that was too small for the breadth of the crab’s reach. And naturally I had gotten the rare feisty specimen who was still full of fight when it was time to go into the pot. Instead of plunging in a docile way headlong into the water, he became a living crab spiderweb. He gripped the sides of the pot and would not relent. I tried to tip him in sideways. No dice. Upside down? Eff you! Bass-ackwards? The hell!! He won that battle.
After fighting hard with him for what felt like an eternity, I threw him back on ice while I boiled more water in a properly sized pot. This time, things went as planned, but I couldn’t enjoy eating him.
That crab had heart.
And please, before anyone gives me a lecture on how to slay one “humanely” by putting a knife tip through his head, just stop. If you’ve ever slipped a little with that knife in the attempt, you’ll know why I don’t use that method. The boiling water head first plunge is by far and away the most humane method I know.
I didn’t eat crab for a few years.
A good bullfighter always respects the bull. Before and after. A tip o my hat for your moral sentiments.
And a damn fine backstory overall. Thank you.
Yes, that’s very much how I felt about it. I never expected a crab to give me such a brawl!
Me, too. That’s why I was holding the lid firmly…I just didn’t think hard enough about it, and about HOW MUCH the air would expand.
That reminds me of a live crab story from long ago, when I lived on a tiny Pacific island in the Federated States of Micronesia. We’d gone out on our little boat to an even smaller island for snorkeling, and a Micronesian with us caught a coconut crab and gave it to us. There was an old cardboard box in the hold and the crab was unceremoniously dumped in for the ride back home.
If you’ve never seen a coconut crab, let me just point out that they are terrifying. They are land crabs and have a ginormous claw that could easily snap the bones in your hand.
The ride home on the boat was exhausting as we hit a storm and were buffeted by high waves. When we staggered into the kitchen, we set the cardboard box on the counter, too tired to give it anymore thought.
The next morning, I went into the kitchen. The box was there. The crab was not.
Oh shit. The first thing I did was to look for my two cats. They were fine, thank goodness. Did I just imagine that they looked a little affronted and were perching on the tallest furniture available?
A frantic search for the crab finally located it nestled into the back of the upright freezer, happily surrounded by wires and cables. Oh shit, again. I’d had that freezer shipped in when I moved, as in those days food availability was erratic (the ship came in once a month, most months. When things ran out, they ran out and there were no options but to wait for the next ship). If the crab decided to snap one of the cables, there were no options for repairs; I’d simply be out a freezer.
Neither my husband nor I had any idea of how to remove the crab safely. We locked up the cats for their own safety, then poked cautiously at it with a broom handle. It did not budge.
Clearly, help from a local was needed. I ran next door to the neighbor, Louey Louey (yes, that really was his name - when the missionaries arrived on Kosrae and insisted on imposing Western practices like first and last names, most Kosraeans shrugged and said, “okay, I’ll use my first name as my last name.” Then the habit of calling everyone Jack Jack or Louey Louey stuck.)
I begged Louey Louey to help. He thought it was hilarious. After a brief inspection, he fearlessly reached in and hauled out the crab.
Coconut crabs are delicious. That night, we feasted.
HOLY CRAP!!! I just had to Google that thing. It makes my little Dungeness look like a house pet!!
I was trying to imagine what sort of single crab could provide a feast for more than 2 people. Now I know!
That’s a great story, Carol. 
ETA: I see you already added a helpful link. I missed it because I was so engrossed in your story!
That’s an awesome story!
I meant to mention, but missed the edit window, that the reason they are called coconut crabs is because coconuts are their favorite food. Coconuts. Fresh from the palm tree. Which they open, all by themselves. With their big scary claw.
I would love to taste one. I’ll bet all that coconut milk gives them a special flavor.
How the heck do you cook them?
Yep. Done this, except green pea soup. Looks even worse. I’m guessing the next renters still found spots of it years later. Green pea soup does not improve in looks with age. Never again used a blender for anything hot.
I had a really big pot - the kind you use for sterilizing multiple jars of jam. While some coconut crabs might be too large to fit, this one did, fortunately.
And yes, they do have a very succulent texture and smooth taste.
After you fight it to the death (of one of you).
There’s one famous internet pic of a coconut crab hanging on the side of a typical 1960s style 33 gallon metal trash can. The body appears to be about 2-1/2 feet in diameter. Plus legs. Plus claw(s). And they climb trees. Which also means they can fall / jump out of trees. Onto people.
We’re gonna need a bigger pot. Or move to a different island, pursued by a lot of very angry crabs waving Good-F-ing-Bye with their arm-shearers.