Amusing Panhandler Signs

Here in San Francisco we have a very colorful group of panhandlers that work the downtown streets. The signs that some of these folks have are sometimes pretty funny. Here are some that I can recall offhand.

“Why lie, I want a beer” (I always give this guy something)

“Today is my birthday. Please help me buy a birthday cake” (this guy uses this sign 365 days a year, usually on the same corners)

“Stranded. Need money for busfare to get back to Los Angeles” (this guy has been around Union Square for four years now!)

“Please help me. I need to pay off my new Rolls Royce” (he’s a really nice guy, complete with a dirty suit and half a tie)

This one guy has a sign that says “Will work for food”, and next to him is his big old tom cat with a sign around his neck that says “Will work for sex.”

So, anybody else seen any creative panhandlers?

I remember one guy in San Fran… he had an eye missing… no eyepatch or anything, just a gaping socket. He was very aggressive and came at you with this Vietnam story… :::shudder;:::

Teeming Millions:
“Meat flaps, yellow!” - DrainBead, naked co-ed Twister chat
O p a l C a t

Not really creative, but for a long while people would ask for assistance to buy gasoline “to get back to Maryland” at the same Exxon station in Crystal City, Arlington, VA.

After being taken a couple of times, I caught on. I’d always think of something sarcastic or humorous to say, like: [list]
[li]Sorry, I have 6 dancers to support. (Gas station was next to a topless bar.)[/li][li]You’re the 6[sup]th[/sup] stupid Marylander that’s asked me that this month.[/li][li]My car’s right over here; I have a gas can full you can have. (They’d always decline.)[/li][li]OK, here’s my credit card. Which car’s yours, and we’ll fill it up. (Also always declined.)[/li]

I looked in the mirror today/My eyes just didn’t seem so bright
I’ve lost a few more hairs/I think I’m going bald - Rush

A bumper sticker I know says “Will Be President For Food”.

It may be that when an ornithologist says the Water Ouzel walks under the water, he only means that he has seen a Water Ouzel or some other bird sitting on a stone in the general vicinity of a body of water.
–Will Cuppy

I remember seeing a gang of punks in San Francisco who insisted that tourists pay if they wanted to have their pictures taken with them. I thought it was a hoot, but didn’t pay up. :smiley:

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge…others just gargle.

“If a homeless person has a funny sign, he hasn’t been homeless for very long. Real homeless people are too hungry to be funny.” – Chris Rock

(P.S. Capricorn–you’re gonna die.)

“It’s my considered opinion you’re all a bunch of sissies!”–Paul’s Grandfather

Not quite on topic, but I read a graphic novel (y’know, a comic book with a binding, not graphic like that) called Why I Hate Saturn. This woman is stuck in an airport with those little coin-operated TVs. A panhandler hits her up for some change. “No way, buddy, I know you’re just gonna use it to watch TV.”

“No! I was gonna spend it on liquor, honest!”

There used to be a panhandler (a black man) in downtown Albany who’d come up to you and say:

“Would you like to donate to the United Negro Pizza Fund?”

I used to give him a little something for imagination.

“East is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.” – Marx

Read “Sundials” in the new issue of Aboriginal Science Fiction.

I used to work just off Union Square and there was one particularly annoying panhandler that Herb Caen eventually gave the “Most Annoying Panhandler” award to. This guy lost his left leg (at the knee) somewhere along the way. He’d take off the prosthesis and stand it up in the middle of the sidewalk (shoe and all) with a little bowl in the gaping hole where his stump would go. Then he’d sit on the sidewalk with his other leg extended, right next to the standing fake leg - so you’d either have to walk OVER his extended leg, or AROUND his prosthesis. Guess he figured this was a good way to get sympathy, but mostly it just pissed people off. (Sidewalks in SF, particularly around Union Square, are VERY crowded all the time.)

I’ll always toss some coinage their way if they’re willing to work at it, a little - you know, funny lines, play an instrument or sing, dance, chatting nicely with folks, making jokes, doing some sort of rap, whatever. The people I pass by are the ones who get in your face about it, following you along as you walk, trying to guilt you out, or the ones who sit their children down on the sidewalk with them and use the kids for sympathy. That really sucks, IMHO.

“Not everybody does it, but everybody should.”
I Spy Ty.

I think that this says it all.

(Oh I hope the HTML tagging worked.)

–Da Cap’n
“Playin’ solitaire 'til dawn
With a deck of fifty-one.”

A panhandler got a few bucks from me by saying, “Could you help me sir? My subscription to Business Week ran out.”

OK, Cap’n, you win.