An Apology

I don’t know if this should go here, or the Pit, or About This Message Board, but I’ll stick it here cause I think it’s pretty mundane and pointless.

My thread on the wedding I attended Saturday has been closed because a mod thought it was prejudicial against overweight people (or that the responses were prejudicial… I can’t tell from the response). I just want to apologize to any overweight people I might have offended by opening the thread. I sincerely didn’t mean to open it to poke fun at the bridesmaid’s weight, only to offer up a story about poetic justice. I know some posters in the thread took it to that level of bashing, but I honestly didn’t mean to. The unwarranted hatred and vitriol that overweight/obese people receive has bothered me for a long time as well. So, I’m sorry.

I think you’re okay, StarsApart. I didn’t read your posts to be anti-overweight people. I had no inkling that the bridesmaid was overweight until I clicked the link in your OP. Some of the following posters were a little harsh to the obese, but I thought, for the majority of it, it was still a thread that mainly focused on how inappropriate those pants were on anybody, especially considering the occasion.

I think StarsApart acting quite reasonably throughout that thread, a few others may have been excessive, but most seemed to take it in a most reasonable fashion (unlike those trousers ).
Cajun Man must have not noticed the trousers were sheer and thought that the thread was about the size of the bridesmade which it was not. It was about someone being bossy and then wearing clothes that made a fool of themselves, most entertaining.

Well, when I went back & read the thread I understood what Cajun Man was seeing, having participated in a “why does everyone hate fat people” thread in GD one time. Some of the posters in the thread were definately going in that direction.

However, StarsApart, I do understand what you were trying to say with the OP in the thread.

Apology duly noted. :slight_smile:

Where can I get pants like that? I need something to wear to the next company picnic…

I don’t think you have anything to apologizes for, the OP was fine(and maybe you should send it to Etiquette Hell :slight_smile: ).

But some of the responses were pretty fucking ugly.

Yes - in my browser at work, I couldn’t tell they were sheer at all, and couldn’t really tell what was all that wrong with them, besides being far too casual for a wedding. They just looked like sweatpants.

I must admit I had a severe lapse in judgement when I posted my husband’s response. For the record, I wasn’t trying to bash her weight (I’m carrying a few excess pounds myself), my response was based strictly on her attire. It truly was not appropriate for that sort of occasion and weight had nothing to do with it.

In my judgment, your OP: fine. Some replies: not fine. I wouldn’t lose sleep over it if I were you. It’s rather decent of you to apologize for it, though.

Just read the thread. No need to apologise. Clear case of over-reaction by the Moderator involved. Doubtless, the thread will be re-opened.

Like, for instance, GorillaMan calling her "that thing and expressing horror that she was a bridesmaid.

And I should have been more clear in my post in the original thread. The question “What if she wasn’t overweight?” was directed more towards the responding posters than towards the OP.

StarsApart, your posts seemed fine to me. I don’t think the thread was closed because of anything you said.

In the past there have been some really vicious comments made about people who are overweight. I would imagine that the Mods have had a fair share of complaints. That’s probably why Cajun Man was cautious.

There is a lot of ignorance about why people remain overweight or regain what they have lost and a lot of misconceptions about the character and physical traits of the people themselves. Lots of people assume that what is true of their own bodies is true for everyone. Many have a fairly simplistic view of weight loss and they aren’t familiar with studies. I guess that’s why they feel so justified in their ridicule.

What I don’t understand is why other overweight people put her down for wearing those pants at her particular size!

I viewed the posts objecting to her pants as fashion commentary personally. Those pants were inappropriate to any body size and level of fitness. At least in public (anywhere other than a beach/swimming pool as a suit coverup). They were really inappropriate at a wedding. I would have had much the same thought pattern had she been 100 pounds. Or the same size and wearing gold lame pants with a pink net shirt. Or wearing a bathrobe.

Some posts (like Gorilla Man’s hateful comment) were mean and vicious and I accordingly blocked them out of my mind.

So, you did nothing wrong Stars :slight_smile:

Are you being serious?

I have a quick Q: From the pic, it appears to be late afternoon. Bridesmaid asside, at 106, why are most of the other guests pictured wearing corduroy jeans, long sleeve denim and flannel shirts? Was it a grunge-theme wedding, or don’t people in AZ get dressed up for receptions?

I’m guessing that perhaps some people might have dressed down at that point during the wedding. Considering the heat, I don’t blame them.

Yeah, but courderoy, denim and flannel? Sure, they’re dressed down, but they can’t be any more comfortable in what they have on than they would be in suits or dresses.

If you’re referring to me: Yes, I do get grossed out when I see big chicks wear clothing that accentuates the fat. There’s a line between “fat and damned proud of it” and “fat and don’t care about my appearance.” And there are plenty of non-fat chicks out there who wear clothes that are unflattering. That grosses me out, too.

For the record, I would have had the very same comments if she had been a perfect size 6. She was a right bitch before the wedding, and she showed her ass in more than one way before the night was through. If she hadn’t had the attitude, and just made the fashion faux pas, I would have thought it was an unfortunate mistake.

I think GorillaMan isn’t getting much mention because this isn’t the pit, his was a very nasty comment.

I thought **GorrillaMan **was over the line, but I don’t really see where anyone else, including the OP, was offensive. It was clearly a thread about a fashion faux pas, as well as the deliciousness of a bitch looking the fool, not about obesity.

I think it speaks less about the posters and more about Cajun Man’s values and sensitivities that he read it as such.

Fat chick, proud, and wouldn’t be caught dead in that outfit at a wedding if she was a size 6.