So the other day I was thinking, ‘You know what we’ve been missing lately? High-profile attempts to contact extraterrestrials.’ So I think it’s time we at the Straight Dope did something about it, no?
I figure I got it pretty well figured out, too. It goes like this: Douglas Adams told us that when an alien spacecraft materializes, it sounds just like a hundred thousand people saying ‘whop.’ My question is this: does it work the other way 'round? I assert that if we can muster 100000 people and get them to say ‘whop’ at the same time, we’ll call an alien spacecraft into existence. I mean, if one billion Chinese can knock the Earth out of orbit, then surely it’d only take 100k for a measly extraterrestrial intelligence, right?
Plus, we’ve got the added benefit of all the people ordering a Whopper at Burger King at any given time, and given the multinational nature of the corporation, I think it’s fair to drop that figure down to, say, 85,000 people. Then factor out doo-whop bands, those singing along, and those playing any recordings, and we can further cut the figure to 70,000 people.
I’m sure that on a planet of six billion we can get 70,000 people to say ‘whop.’ I mean, we Dopers are the most intelligent, powerful, and influention people out there, right?
So, Teeming Millions, join me in saying ‘whop.’ Whop loudly. Whop proudly. Whop several times, if you like. Record yourself whopping, and whop while you play back the recording. Let’s make some first contact!
And besides, if we don’t like what we get, we can just ‘foop’ 'em back where they came from.
