And his offer to call them Mr. and Mrs. X was completely reasonable. Their refusal to accept it is ridiculous.
This is an excellent solution. Just call them Mr and Mrs Pat! Or just call them Sir and Ma’am. Though you may just decide it is easier not to directly address either of them since has been working pretty well so far.
Do you have kids yet? That might solve your dilemma.
I the same problem for about 6 years until we had a child. I just couldn’t quite call the in-laws by their first names, and also wasn’t comfortable calling them mom and dad. My own parents went by Ma and Pa, so I wasn’t used to calling anyone mom and dad. Also the mom of the equation is new, so even my husband doesn’t call her mom. His mother died a few years before his dad remarried.
But as soon as our son was born they became “Grandpa T and Grandma S”. Now even when we visit, I can say things like, “here son, give this to grandpa”. etc.
Whew. We also call my mom Grandma R. My dad died, but he was always Grandpa Pa with all of his grandkids.
I have been married for 26 years, and I still haven’t resolved this problem. I avoid calling them by name, if at all possible, but if pressed I call them “Mom” and “Dad” when speaking to them. It makes me uncomfortable, since I already have a Mom and Dad, but I can just suck it up for the few times I actually have to do it. When talking about them to others, I use their first names.
I henceforth insist on being addressed as Your Royal Highness, My Lord and Master, Protector of Good and Vanquisher of Evil.
If you please.
No kids yet, but we’re going to start trying in the next few months. I agree that it would make things easier, though.
I would be ok with Mom [First Name] or even Mom [Last Name]. I’ll suggest that if she’s still not ok with first name only.
The hesitance to call anyone else Mom and Dad might actually come from my dad, who always called his step-dad by his first name and made sure we always called him Grandpa [First Name] rather than just Grandpa. It was important to my dad that we remembered we had a biological grandfather (even though he died before I was born).
Sure thing, Dad (or Mom).
I’d be content if folks just came up to me and said 'Hi, there, Mind If I Give You All My Money."
Just freak them out and call them mommy and daddy.
Well good luck on that endevor…and when it happens, hopefully the problem will be solved.
I greet my inlaws this way: “How’s my favorite Mother-in-law?” (or FIL) depending on which is present. (“How are my favorite in-laws if they are both together”)
If I’m calling them by “name,” it’s by first name. It’s been this way since I started dating my wife.
My wife calls my parents by their first name as well. Though, of course, it gets confusing for most of my extended family as both my father and I are both “Eds”, though my family has always called me “Ted”… which I hate. (I’m Ed everywhere else).
A couple of past girlfriends parents though wouldn’t allow the use of first names, so they were Mr. & Mrs. <girlfriend’s last name>. No surprise those relationships didn’t work out.
I call my mother in law all kinds of stuff. Mumzie, Mommy, Ma, Back off Old Woman!
I’ve always addressed my in-laws by their first names, rather than as “Mom” and “Dad” or even “Mr/Mrs. Lastname”. The Boy does the same with my folks.
Then again, I met them when I’d been dating The Boy for a little over a month, so I’d probably have been incredibly freaked out by any request to call them “Mom” and “Dad” at that stage. Plus I don’t even call my father’s second wife “Mom”, and she has at least a slightly more legit claim to the title.
You pretty much nailed it when you mentioned waiting until they are grandparents. You should encourage your kid to call them something cute like ‘ninny and poopy’. Thereafter you can just use that.
My FIL basically ordered me to call him by his first name; I used to call him “sir” but he let me know he hated to be called “sir” so I dropped it. I call my MIL by her first name because she asked me to. I’d be honored to call my FIL Dad but he wouldn’t go for it. I’ve never known a man I respected more than him, including my own father.
Judging from the drama when my nephew was born over what to call whom, I don’t think adding kids into the picture is going to solve matters. That will just be replacing one rude demand of what to call them for another.
They are not the OP’s parents. They are neither mothering nor fathering him. So “mom” and “dad” are right out.
They are adults, though. So the OP should use the same rules in addressing them as in addressing other adults: “Mr/Mrs [blah]”, or by their first names if you have a closer relationship with them.
It does not sound as though the OP has a close relationship with them.
No, the rule is that you address adults however they prefer to be addressed, although Mr/Mrs _____ is the default pending the expression of a preference. The other, even more important, rule is that when people address you in a manner you don’t prefer, you don’t freak out and berate them for being rude. Sounds like there are bigger problems than etiquette here.
FTR, I call my in-laws by their first names and would feel very weird addressing them as “mom” and “dad”. The trick is to remember never to call my FIL by the rude nickname that my wife and BIL have privately referred to him by since childhood…
I don’t have a solution, but just a comiseration to the situation in the original post, the whole situation of which would have pretty much frosted me. It just seems perfectly natural that in-laws can be and, absent another alternative preferable to both parties, should be called by their first names. Age /respect considerations really have nothing to do with it; having a stick up your ass does, IMHO. (Unless there’s some ethnic / cultural thing at work here that may alter the rules).
I wouldn’t have a problem with ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ normally, if I felt a certain closeness that equalled or exceeded the closeness I had with my own parents, but their initial irritating reaction would have cancelled any of those warm feelings immediately. Your parents-in-law and their annoying patronizing expectations would put me off; truth be told, your wife should have addressed this with them from the get-go, but absent that I’m not sure if there is a good solution here.
I was never comfortable enough to call my in-laws “Mom and Dad” or any variant thereof. It was years before I was comfortable enough to call them by their first names.
Given that the mother-in-law seems to have some serious “respect” issues, my suggestion is to call them mother and father (lastname). It’s old-fashioned enough for a traditionalist, and maintains a level of formality.
Of course, if mother-in-law keeps up the battle, you have to just look her in the eye and say, quite firmly, “I already have a Mom and Dad.”
Not so much. There are limits. I can’t go around demanding that people call me “God”, or “Lord (Chimera)”. If I did, they’d be well within rights to refuse.
You can ask to be called whatever the hell you want, within reason. But when you cross MY line of reasonability, you lose.
Not sure the OP demand is all that reasonable. I can understand their discomfort with the first name basis (although by doing so they inhibit familiarity - notice the root word “family” in that), but “Mom”? Fuck no. No one but my own mother has the right to demand that I call her mother.