We just had the “how do you address your parents” thread. So what about in-laws? The addressing of my mother-in-law is VERY awkward to me. I can’t bring myself to call my MIL by “mom” or anything close to that. I even have a hard time calling her by her first name for some reason. I don’t feel close to her AT ALL. I call her Gramma First Name because of the kids and grandkids. It’s the only thing that doesn’t feel awkward to me. My husband calls my mom by her first name with no problem. I never knew my husband’s dad, he died before my husband and I met. His mom remarried and I was fine with calling her husband by his first name. It’s just her…
Their names, Dale and Judy.
By their first names. I don’t understand why that could be awkward. We are both adults. I have a significant relationship with them, I’m married to their daughter and the father of their grandchildren. They call me by my first name.
I think that it’s awkward to call them by their first names because it’s not what the rest of my family calls them. I still occasionally use their first names, but now that we have kids, I tend to call them by their grandma and grandpa names. Pap and Nana. When it’s just me alone, I’ll use their given names, but generically, I call them Pap and Nana. And it’s always ‘Nana’s house,’ not ‘Pap’s house’ or ‘Nancy’s house,’ just ‘Nana’s house.’
I remember how, in The Jeffersons, Weezy always addressed George’s mom as “Mother Jefferson.” I was put off by how exceptionally formal that was. Why not just “Mrs. Jefferson” if she doesn’t want you to call her by her first name?
My BIL and SIL (Wifes side) call their In-Laws Mr. or Mrs. Lastname. VERY strange to me. Are they strangers? (actually they are quite close, it’s just weird to me)
I call mine by their first names as does my Wife call my mom by her first name.
In the future, if my DIL or SIL calls me “Mr. Little” or Pop-Pop or Grandpa, I would be offended. I’m not their grandfather, I’m their father-in-law. I also am clear, to my college aged son’s girlfriend, that I’m “Omar”, not “Mr. Little”.
We call our in-laws by first names.
When we got engaged, Mr. CK asked my mom what she wanted him to call her. She said, “Mary, or Mom, or whatever you want.” We were just getting ready to go when this took place, and my mom gave him a hug, which was a good thing. Because he needed to keep her from falling on the floor laughing when he said, “OK. Goodbye, Toots.”
It’s weird, my MIL called my FIL, Mr. Surname for as long as I knew them. They are deceased. My kids called them Mamaw and Papaw, so we did too. I never used their first names. My husband called my Daddy by his first name. It felt odd, somehow.
I call my in-laws the same thing my wife calls them, and she does the same thing for my parents.
I call them by their first names, but it does feel a little bit awkward. If I were a teenager taking their daughter out on a first date, I’d show a little more respect than that. Decades later, that feeling sort of lingers.
Since I’ve been an adult I’ve met two, maybe three people who expect other adults to address them at “Mister” or “Missus.” That level of formality has been all but nonexistent in my adult life.
While they were alive, I jiggered a solution. I never, ever addressed them. Oh, I talked to them all the time but never said their name directly to them. This is a surprisingly easy thing to do. They both passed within 3 years of me and hubby getting married.
Too late to edit: My son made it easy for my DIL. When he introduced he said, “Mist, this is my mom, Biggirl. Mom, this is my girlfriend, Mist.”
“Hi Mist, nice to meet you.”
“Hi Biggirl. I’ve heard so much about you!”
Mist being what he called her and what she preferred to be called, not her actual name. A lot better than hubby’s, “These are my parents, Biggirl.”
I called them by their first names.
“Mother Jefferson” is actually quite a bit less formal than “Mrs. Jefferson.” Besides, it would be terribly awkward and stilted to have one Mrs. Jefferson address another Mrs. Jefferson by that title. In my experience, it’s fairly common for a grandchild to distinguish between the two sets of grandparents by calling at least one set “Grandpa Smith.” What Weezy did was just a parallel of that.
This for my former husband; we were married 16 years and I never called them anything.
I didn’t have much interaction with my husband’s mom before she unexpectedly passed; I’m not at all sure where we would have ended up in the name game. I’ve never spoken with his dad. He calls my parents Mom and Dad.
I address them by their first names, but it is actually a bit of a cheat for me to do so. My father-in-law was my wife’s father, but my wife died several years ago. His wife died when my wife was very young and he remarried, bringing two step-brothers into the family. Because of this, both of my brothers-in-law already referred to him by his first name. (They call their biological father “Dad.”) Therefore, all my brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law already referred to my father-in-law by his first name, making it easy for me to do so as well. Problem solved. BTW, I am married again and my in-laws all consider my wife to be their daughter-in-law/sister-in-law, even though I’m not biologically related to any of them.
That wasn’t worth the time to type it, was it?
My MiL is either Debbie, Deb, or “favorite mother-in-law.” Referring to her, I use Nana Debbie (to the kids) and your mom or Debbie (to my wife.)
My FIL is either Larry or dumb fuck, depending on how much he’s annoying me. Referring to him, he’s Larry or basement troll (to the kids*) and Larry, YOUR father, or DF/dumb fuck (to my wife.)
*the “kids” are 18 and 16 and like him as much as I do.
I called them by their first names as soon as I found out what their names were. My grown nephew-in-law still calls me Uncle Nott, but I call him by his first name, and have since he was a tyke.